


Show Me How To Love

by universalromance



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - High School, Autism, Bullying, Castiel and Mental Health Issues, Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Minor Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-04
Updated: 2015-06-15
Packaged: 2017-12-07 10:39:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 81,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/747580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/universalromance/pseuds/universalromance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A new family of kids at Lawrence High School brings a new perspective to Dean's life, especially when he becomes inexplicably drawn to the youngest of the siblings, a severely autistic boy who has never spoken or touched anybody in his entire life.<br/>Rating will possibly go up later.<br/>Possibly upsetting psychological subject matter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Questioning Love

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Supernatural fic so constructive critism is welcomed.
> 
> I find myself always having trouble figuring out how to make Castiel sound in character when he speaks so my solution? Give him a mental illness where he doesn't talk! Ha, no not really, I just have always wanted to write a story about an autistic character and Castiel has always struck me as having all the symptoms that if he were human and not an angel, that is what I would diagnose him with. Plus his favourite heaven is that of an autistic man's so....

_“Nobody can teach you love. Love you have to find yourself, within your being, by raising your consciousness to higher levels. And when love comes, there is no question of responsibility. You do things because you enjoy doing them for the person you love. You are not obliging the person, you are not even wanting anything in return, not even gratitude. On the contrary, you are grateful that person has allowed you to do something for them. It was your joy, your sheer joy. Love knows nothing of responsibility. It does many things, it is very creative; it shares all that it has, but it is not a responsibility remember. Responsibility is an ugly word compared to love. Love is natural.”_

_Osho_

It’s a hard lesson to learn, really.

How can you tell whether somebody is doing something for you for their own gain or because they truly care and want to help you? How do you know if someone is telling the truth when they say ‘I love you’ and not just using the words with ulterior motive? How do you know feelings are real and not just born of pity?

Very difficult questions if you’re not a mind reader.

Dean Winchester had these very questions answered so easily by a boy who had never said a word in his entire life. Who had never even touched another person voluntarily. All of the hardest questions people ask when it comes to that both wonderful and terrible thing: love. Something Dean hadn’t even really been searching for.

But that’s the thing isn’t it? You don’t find love, it finds you. Or rather, it comes crashing through the front door without so much of a ‘how do you do’ before you’re swept up in its whirlwind of emotions and adventures.

That’s how Dean would describe his encounter with that pesky little thing.

It was long and very difficult but more satisfying than even a piece of warm apple pie right out of the oven.

That’s love, alright, so just let me tell you all about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I just want to make some points about my characterisation of Cas before we get into the story. If you know somebody with autism and something I've written doesn't fit with their case, don't harass me and tell me I'm wrong; every case of autism is different and there are varying types and severity for each person. I grew up with an autistic boy who went to one of the programs and now he's just like any other kid: he goes to the movies and has a girlfriend etc but sometimes it becomes too much and he retreats into his safe place. So through that and the fact that I'm a psych student, I know a bit about autism.
> 
> That being said I am taking some creative license so there will be a couple of things that might be a little out of the ordinary but this is fiction so suspend your disbelief please.
> 
> If you have any questions I'll be quite happy to answer them. I hope you enjoy this story that I have had so much fun creating.


	2. The New Kids

The new kid was... weird. Or that’s what everybody else was saying when Dean pulled up in the school parking lot on the first day of his Senior year. His younger brother Sam was with him, just starting his Freshman year of high school and he was way too excited to be normal.

“You are such a nerd,” Dean sighed as he shut the door of the Impala his father had gifted him for his birthday over the summer.

“Jerk,” Sam responded.

“Bitch.” Dean fluffed his hair teasingly and Sam batted his hands away. It was then they both heard two girls chatting about the new family as they walked past.

“I heard Dad talking about them too,” Sam said, glancing sideways at Dean. “The Novaks. Dad met their mother at the shop when she got her car checked up. She was really suspicious when he casually asked her questions about her family. They like to keep to themselves apparently.”

“Huh... wonder why...” Dean responded, ditching Sam at the front of the school when he spotted his friends, hearing the occasional word about the Novaks and something about their weird kid brother.

Dean shrugged it off; Lawrence was a small town so most of the people had the typical small-town, born-here-gonna-die-here mentality so anything out of the normality of their perfect little lives was considered weird. The kid was probably perfectly normal so Dean didn’t cast another thought on it.

Until lunchtime when he met his friends at the cafeteria.

His group consisted of people he’d been friends with most of his life (Jo and Ash – their mother Ellen had pretty much become Dean and Sam’s surrogate mother after their own mother died when they were kids so Jo was his best friend and she and Ash like siblings), guys he’d met in school (Gordon and Crowley) and girls who wanted to get in his pants (Lisa and Bela to name a couple).

He was busy catching up so he didn’t notice the new family walk in until everyone went quiet and started whispering. There were three of them. Two guys and a girl all strikingly different yet with the subtle similarities that clearly marked them as family. The girl had long, deep red hair and was undeniably beautiful. She was on one side of the smallest sibling who was hunched within an oversized trench coat, dark head bowed so that Dean couldn’t see his face. On his other side was a sandy-blond guy around the same height as his sister, he had his eyes narrowed scanning the cafeteria as they walked through, locating a table as surreptitiously as he could with everyone staring.

Dean thought it was unusual that neither sibling touched their younger, simply walked with him between them, guiding him with soft words. They passed by Dean’s table and Gordon stuck his foot out, trying to trip the girl but she lithely jumped over his foot, shooting him a deadly look.

“Dude...” Crowley said with a snicker.

“What?” Jo demanded. “How would you feel if everyone was staring at you?”

Before anymore words could be exchanged Sam joined them at their table and Dean raised his eyebrows at his little brother.

“Really, Sammy?” he questioned.

“It’s my first day,” Sam protested.

“Alright but you need to find your own friends to sit with soon.”

“Jo and Ash are my friends, too, Dean.”

“That’s right, we love this kid!” Ash announced, throwing an arm around Sam and squeezing him tightly. Dean rolled his eyes, holding back the smile threatening to break free as it always did around his family. Jo gave him a knowing look before glaring at Crowley who was muttering with Gordon in low voices.

“So, those are the Novaks, huh?” Dean questioned, catching her attention before she starting throwing a hissy fit. She made it perfectly clear to him repeatedly that she did not appreciate his choice in friends.

“Yeah, the girl Anna is in my grade, we had classes together this morning,” Jo replied, eyes flicking to the boys by Dean every few seconds.

“What’s she like?” Dean wondered, eyeing the long red hair at the table just down from theirs where the siblings were seated. That girl was damn gorgeous.

Jo raised an eyebrow and folded her arms across her chest. “Do not even go there, Dean Winchester.”

“Who said I was going anywhere?” Dean demanded, feigning innocence. Jo just raised her other eyebrow and returned to his original question.

“She’s quiet. Ran off at the end of class like nobody’s business though.”

“Huh...”

Dean returned to his lunch and ignored Gordon and Crowley which he realised too late was a mistake when they shifted down the cafeteria bench to a position with a clear shot to the back of the smallest boy’s head and began flicking their cheese fries at him. Jo and Dean both moved to tell them off when they were cut off by a terrified shriek and all eyes turned to see the boy huddling in his trench coat, shaking like crazy, continuing his frantic cries.

“What the hell, you morons?” Jo shouted, leaping to her feet and brandishing her salad fork at them. Crowley cowered a little while Gordon just gave her a cool look. Dean’s attention remained entirely on the boy who became even more distressed when his sister put a hand on him, withdrawing it immediately.

Dean spotted the principal being led into the cafeteria by a student who clearly hadn’t known what else to do and Dean nudged his friends. Their whole table and stood and left, Jo giving the boys her haughtiest glare before stalking off, the other girls dispersing in different directions. Ash was dragging Sam with them who was still looking back at the family.

“You’d better hope nobody saw what you did,” Ash said darkly.

“Come on, it was a joke,” Crowley said before turning into another hall to visit his locker before class.

Ash decided he couldn’t stand to be in a still chuckling Gordon’s presence any longer and decided to leave. Sam had a thoughtful frown on as he sat beside Dean outside in the courtyard. Gordon tried to pull Dean into a conversation but he wasn’t very responsive, all he could think of was that kid and wonder why he’d reacted that way.

“Dude, are you even listening to me?” Gordon demanded as the bell rang.

“No,” Dean responded honestly. “What do you think was wrong with that guy?”

The other boy scoffed and jumped down off the table, followed by the Winchesters.

“Just some freaky-“

“He’s not a freak,” Sam cut in and Gordon shot him a dark look that had Dean bristling at his so-called friend. “He’s autistic. Any idiot can see that.”

Dean blinked. Oh, well that explained nothing to him. All he knew about autistic kids was that they weren’t very good at being social. He didn’t know any specifics. He certainly didn’t know they had freak-outs over being hit with cheese fries.

“Then he should be in some nuthouse. It’s not up to us to look after lunatics.”

“He’s not a lunatic either,” Sam huffed and Dean put a hand on his shoulder.

“Go to class, Sammy,” he said gently and pushed him off. Sam glared at Dean, looking hurt and stalked off. Gordon scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“Your kid brother is a brat,” he said and Dean looked at him darkly which made Gordon recoil slightly. “I mean-“

“Shut up,” Dean snapped and walked off to his next class. He was surprised to see one of the new kids sitting beside his usual seat. He looked distressed and anxious. Dean didn’t blame him after the cafeteria incident. He sat down and the kid looked at him and smiled weakly.

“Hi, I’m Gabriel Novak, I’m new here,” he offered.

“Dean Winchester, and I know,” Dean replied. “So you’re that autistic kid’s older brother?”

Dean was taken aback when he was suddenly fixed with a harsh stare. Looks like he wasn’t the only protective older brother in this building.

“Don’t you dare say anything bad about my brother,” he said in a soft, dangerous voice.

“Relax man, I wasn’t going to. I was just asking.” Dean raised his hands warily and Gabriel flushed, embarrassed.

“I’m sorry. I’m just used to people acting as if he’s got some kind of disease. I hate people treating him badly. I just know that’s how it’s going to be here.” He looked sad and Dean smiled a little.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got a little brother too, Sammy. I mean, he doesn’t really _need_ me to look out for him – or so he says – but I still get the whole protective thing.” Dean pulled his folder out as other kids started filing in and Gabriel looked relieved.

“How old is Sammy?” he wondered.

“Thirteen going on fourteen, but he got skipped up a year so he’s a Freshman,” Dean explained. “The little nerd.”

Gabriel laughed. “Cassie – Castiel – is fifteen. He shouldn’t really be here but...”

“Yeah, I was wondering about that. Our school isn’t really equipped to deal with someone... like that.” Dean winced at his own choice of words but Gabriel didn’t seem to mind. Dean wondered why they were even discussing this, they’d literally just met.

“Well, we don’t have the money to send Cassie to any of those special programs to help him,” Gabriel explained. “Michael and Lucifer, those are two of my older brothers, tried to home school him but Cassie would get upset when Anna and I left for school. Sometimes he seems to know just how... different he is from most people and it upsets him. I think he wanted to come here with us to feel a little more normal. Michael eventually gave in because he can’t deal with Cassie being that upset every single day.”

“Your brothers look after Castiel?” Dean wondered. “Where are your parents? Why aren’t they in college?”

 “Raphael is, thank God. But Mikey and Luci decided to stick with us.”

“Yeah, but why?” Dean looked at his – he supposed new friend was an appropriate term – with a frown, trying to understand.

“Well, it’s Michael’s job to look after Cassie and Luci loves his twin and wouldn’t go without him so they both do distance ed,” Gabriel shrugged.

“Why is it his job?” Dean wondered.

Gabriel looked suddenly very sad and very tired, so much older than he should. “Dad left a long time ago, he just couldn’t deal with Castiel and how much attention and care he needed. Mum’d been taking care of him by herself for over ten years. She eventually got depressed – I mean she’s a mother who can’t even touch her youngest child – and tried to kill herself and Cassie. Michael and Lucifer stopped her and while she was getting treatment in the psych ward Michael made the decision to become Cassie’s legal guardian and put off college to look after him. Lucifer stuck with him because they’ve always got each other’s back – the whole twin thing.”

Dean almost smiled at that but the situation was just too much.

“None of you have ever touched him?” he wondered.

Gabriel shook his head sadly. “It kills Michael and Lucifer. They would love to be able to hug him and make everything better like they did with Anna and me when we were little.”

The teacher called them to attention so Gabriel just gave Dean a smile and turned to the front. Dean tapped his pen on his folder, thinking. He knew that he and Sam had it tough after their mum died but it was nothing compared to this. He decided to have a word to Gordon and Crowley about leaving Gabriel’s little brother alone – they didn’t need harassment on top of everything else. With that in mind he focussed on his work, not really thinking about Castiel again for a while.


	3. Family

That night while Dean harassed Sam as he cooked their dinner there was a loud shouting match happening across town on the top floor of the Novak household – or rather there was just one Novak child shouting himself hoarse while his brothers listened. Their mother had just left for her night shift at the hospital when Gabriel had finally told Michael exactly why Anna had called Lucifer to bring their baby brother home early.

Michael sat up straight in his chair, hazel eyes hardening rapidly before standing and striding out of the dining room. Lucifer and Gabriel glanced at Anna who nodded and quietly requested for Castiel to come join her in the den while their brothers went upstairs.

It took about five seconds after Michael shut his bedroom door for it to begin.

It was most of the usual stuff. Michael pulling on his hair and blaming himself, calling himself stupid and wondering why he ever thought it was a good idea to let Castiel out of his sight. He looked half-crazed and his twin realised he was seconds away from blaming Gabriel who already looked like he was blaming himself too much so he stepped in.

“Mikey, Mike, _Michael!_ ” Lucifer snapped, grabbing Michael’s shoulders and giving him a shake. “That’s enough. Do you want him to hear you?”

Michael sobered up immediately, now just looking defeated. “Why did we do it, Lucifer? We shouldn’t have let him go. Of course they were going to be cruel.”

“Hey, they just need to get used to him.” Lucifer tried a hopeful smile but Michael glared at him.

“It wasn’t that long ago that we were in school, brother, you know as well as I do that kids are cruel and they don’t like anything that’s different. It won’t change. He’s not going back.”

“No!” Gabriel and Lucifer protested.

“No, you know how he was when he was left at home,” Gabriel reminded him weakly.

“Mike, this is the only thing Cassie has ever really communicated to us – he _wanted_ to go to school with Anna and Gabe. We can’t stop him,” Lucifer added, looking desperate.

“But-“

“No, Michael. You promised him. You promised. You’re not supposed to break promises. It’s-“

“Our family code. I know.” Michael heaved a deep sigh, looking distressed. The silence between the brothers was broken by the soft notes of a piano floating up to the second level. It was muffled by the closed door but they could still hear it.

Gabriel smiled, relieved. “Cassie...”

“There, see now, he can’t be too traumatised,” Lucifer grinned, tapping Michael on the arm with his fist. Michael tilted his head, exhausted and left his room, trudging down towards the den to sit with Anna and listen to Castiel playing the piano.

Gabriel’s smile faded. “Luci, I’m so-“

“Don’t even say it.” Lucifer wrapped an arm tight around Gabriel and practically dragged him from the room to follow Michael. “You’re going to turn into Michael if you keep putting so much pressure on yourself. Cassie will get used to the other kids. It’ll still upset him if they touch him or throw things but I think he’ll learn how to avoid it, the same way he now avoids Mum and comes to one of us if he needs something.”

Gabriel nodded. Lucifer frowned worriedly at him and gave him another squeeze before releasing him as they joined their siblings in the den, Castiel’s music floating around them, the only reassurance they had that he was alright.

They didn’t have a lot of faith left in people after their own mother tried to kill Castiel but they had each other. With the exception of their brother Raphael who was thankfully attending college away at Penn state, they knew the only thing they could count on was each other. Each of them often wondered without telling the others, whether without Castiel to look after would they be this close? Would they stick up for each other and take care of each other so well? It was hard to think of because in their lives, they were all they had.

Unknowing of the turmoil in his siblings, Castiel just kept on playing.

* * *

For the rest of the first week of school, Dean didn’t see the Novaks in the cafeteria anymore. He looked for them each day, trying to be subtle so Gordon and Crowley wouldn’t realise what he was doing, but he couldn’t see them. He wondered where they were sitting.

But each day after lunch he sat with Gabriel in his English Lit class and got to know him. He really liked the guy and wished he could invite him to sit with his friends at lunch but knew better than that. It would only end badly. He also had Gabriel in his class before lunch, something he hadn’t realised that first day so when he found out he requested Garth to swap seats so he could sit with his new friend.

“Hey Dean,” Gabriel said, taking his arm and pulling him aside after class on Friday. “Thank you.”

Dean suddenly felt hot around the collar and shifted uncomfortably. Man he hated emotional stuff. Why couldn't the guy just let it go unspoken? Dean wasn’t so much of an idiot that he didn’t know what he was being thanked for.

“Don’t sweat it,” he mumbled, rubbing his neck and looking around. Gabriel huffed out a tiny laugh.

“Right. Well, I guess I’ll see you Monday.” He sounded miserable so Dean looked at him curiously.

“Or you could come hang out with me now,” Dean suggested, gesturing to all the kids flocking to the doors, voices rising in excitement of the weekend ahead. “It’s the weekend.”

Gabriel shook his head slowly. “Michael’s getting me and Cassie after school. It’s time for his weekly appointment. I hate those things so much.”

Dean frowned. “Why?”

“You have no idea how much they upset Castiel. He cries and screams. He hates going and he hates the doctor. It’s so hard, seeing your baby brother that upset and knowing there’s nothing you can do to help him.”

Dean grimaced and walked with Gabriel towards the front office where he was supposed to meet Michael. Anna had already collected Castiel and they could see him standing silently by the waiting chairs, head bowed as usual. There was a man in the office, signing something before turning to Castiel.

“That’s Michael,” Gabriel pointed out the man who didn’t really look too much older than they were, trying to get the youngest Novak to take his hand. Dean’s heart broke a little at the resignation on Michael’s face when he gave up as Castiel just continued to gaze at his own shoes.

“Gabriel! Come on!” Michael called, looking up at him. Gabriel suddenly looked panicked. Dean made a snap decision, hating how distressed his friend was.

“It’s okay,” Dean said suddenly, making the brothers look at him. “I can give Gabe a ride home if it’s okay with you.”

Michael tilted his head and looked at Gabriel who nodded eagerly and, though Michael looked unhappy about it, he agreed.

“I will be late,” he informed Gabriel. “Lucifer is supposed to cook but you know he won’t. Make sure you and Anna have all your homework and chores done by the time Castiel and I are home. Castiel, come with me.”

Castiel transferred his gaze to Michael’s shoes so he could follow him in perfect step.

“Now I feel bad,” Gabriel murmured.

“Why? You got out of going.”

“Yes but now Michael has to go alone. You have no idea how much he hates that specialist. He hates anything that upsets Cassie.”

Dean rubbed Gabriel’s shoulder. “You guys put too much pressure on yourselves. Come on, let’s find Sammy and we can go out for burgers and take your mind off it.”

Gabriel nodded and managed a small smile that seemed genuine. Dean was happy to introduce Sam and Gabriel who seemed to get along immediately. Dean almost told Sam to shut up when he started to ask about Castiel but Gabriel shook his head.

“It’s okay, Dean. Sam’s just curious and that’s totally fine. I only hate people asking if they mean to be cruel about it.”

Sam poked his tongue out at Dean and began his questioning about Castiel’s condition. Dean had always hated that word: condition. It’s what the doctors would say about his mum before she died. ‘Her condition is no better but it is stable’. ‘with her condition the way it is’ – speaking about her as if she was some kind of science experiment instead of a human.

They arrived at the Roadhouse and Gabriel’s eyes widened.

“Why are we at a bar?” he asked, looking at Dean worriedly. “Michael will kill me if I drink, I’m not kidding.”

Sam laughed.

“Relax, the owner is a friend of ours,” he explained.

“The Roadhouse does the best burgers and pie in the state and we’re allowed in to get food since Ellen loves us,” Dean explained. “Come on.”

The brothers led Gabriel inside who looked nervous as he looked around. He relaxed when he realised it was mostly empty since most workplaces hadn’t knocked off for the day yet.

“Dean! Sam!”

The boys were enveloped in warm hugs by a woman with dark blonde hair who smiled happily at them before smacking the back of Dean’s head.

“Hey!” he protested.

“And just where have you been? I haven’t seen you two in god knows how long,” she explained, folding her arms.

“Busy. Jesus, woman, that hurt,” Dean said, scowling. Gabriel laughed and Ellen turned her gaze onto him.

“This is Gabriel Novak,” Sam introduced. “He’s a new friend of ours.”

Dean rolled his eyes. Of course Sam would claim friendship even though they’d only met that day. Ellen welcomed Gabriel with a bright smile and sat the three down at a table together before bringing out some soda and taking their orders.

“Okay, this place isn’t so bad,” Gabriel decided and Dean grinned.

“Wait until you try the pie.”

“Dean, not everyone is obsessed with pie the way you are.”

“Shut up, bitch.”

“Jerk.”

Their banter had the desired effect and Gabriel relaxed, joining in with their jokes and Dean was sure before they were even halfway through their burgers that Sam was in absolute awe of the older guy.

Sam left the table at one point and Gabriel’s resignation returned.

“Dude, seriously, what’s the real problem?” Dean questioned. “You can’t be this upset about missing something you hate.”

“No... I’m not. It’s just... you’ve got no idea how hard this actually is Dean. None of us understand him, we’re just doing the best that we can. All we’ve got is each other.” Gabriel heaved a sigh and his shoulders slumped. He glanced at his watch. “I should be getting home anyway.”

“Sure, man. Come on.”

They said goodbye to Ellen who waved off all attempts to pay for their food and told Gabriel to come back any time. Dean followed his directions to his house and parked on the curb.

“Thanks for this, Dean, Sam,” Gabriel grinned. “It was nice to get out of the house for an afternoon.”

“Any time you need a break, you call me okay?” Dean said and Gabriel nodded, said goodbye and got out of the car. Dean waited until Sam climbed into the front seat before driving home. It hadn’t really occurred to him to wonder how hard it was on the family, having to look after their younger brother like that. Dean glanced at Sam and realised that on some level he understood a little. Family was important.


	4. Castiel hates doctors... But likes Dean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate the ending. Sorry it's bad.
> 
> Okay, please note that the first part is going into minimal detail on Castiel's distress because Michael blocks everything out. There will be later times where I might go more in depth but I'll make sure to warn because it might be distressing if I write it well (not a likely scenario). Also, Castiel's psychologist is a nice man, he's great and he's very good at what he does. Castiel simply hates doctors and he hates strangers and he hates being touched and basically he does not like his appointments and wishes he didn't have to have them so that is why he gets so upset. The doctor is not abusive or evil.
> 
> Okay, enjoy the chapter.

Michael had his head bowed onto his hands, eyes squeezed shut tightly as if the action could somehow take him somewhere else. Beside him Castiel was curled into a ball, fists pressed into his eyes, shaking his head slightly. Michael recognised the sign of ‘I don’t want to be here, take me home’ but ignored it. It wasn’t like he could unload this responsibility onto someone else.

Lucifer would be willing but his fierce protectiveness might push him to hit the doctor... again. Michael did not need to pick up his brother’s bail for another assault charge after the last one forced them to move to Lawrence. He didn’t want to pack up and leave again.

And it wasn’t like he could ask their _mother_ – he used that term fairly loosely. She hadn’t been their mother since she dried to drown Castiel in a bathtub. Michael would never, ever forgive her for it.

He shuddered, remembering the screams he and Lucifer heard when they arrived home from school. It was clearly Castiel – those were the sounds he made when someone touched him – and something was very, very wrong. He had sprinted upstairs, his twin right behind him. They had been just in time. Castiel had screamed more when Michael wrestled him from their mother’s hands while Lucifer grabbed her. They had had to knock her out and call the police and an ambulance.

Castiel flinched every time someone approached him for the next two months.

Michael hated nobody more than he hated his own mother. Becoming Castiel’s legal guardian was the best decision he’d ever made. And thank god their mother was barely at home and when she was she holed up in her room and left only for food.

But that meant that the responsibility of bringing Castiel to his appointments with the autism specialist in Kansas City fell to him. He always liked to forcefully drag one of the others along so he could have some support but he couldn’t very well deny Gabriel the right to spend a Friday afternoon with friends. He hadn’t had a friend in so long and though that kid appeared a little rough around the edges, he seemed like he genuinely liked Gabriel and for that Michael was grateful. He didn’t want Gabriel turning into him; one emotionally unstable and antisocial member of their family was enough.

Unfortunately it meant trying to calm Castiel was his job alone tonight.

“Castiel,” Michael finally murmured, turning his head and opening his eyes. Castiel didn’t respond except to rock more frantically. “Hey, it’s going to be alright. I know you hate this, believe me, I do too. But it’s going to be okay.”

Michael wished he didn’t have to do this.

He flinched when Castiel did as the doctor called his name.

“Come on, Castiel,” he murmured. It was times like this he wished he could hold Castiel’s hand like he did for Anna when she had to get needles. After several moments of silent protest where Castiel rocked faster and shook his head violently Michael, very uncharacteristically, snapped his younger brother’s name.

Castiel froze, probably in shock. Michael never yelled at him. He was always patient to the extreme but today was not a good day. He had to deal with this one his own. He was tired. He was frustrated. And he just wanted to go home and take an hour long, scalding shower before drinking half of the whiskey he has hidden in his bedside table.

Castiel finally got up and shuffled towards the room with Michael behind him, regretting his shortness with Castiel.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered when they sat.

Castiel was working himself into a panic and the doctor hadn’t even spoken yet. When he did speak the small boy whimpered and curled into the foetal position on his chair. Michael was asked the usual questions about how Castiel was doing coupled with newer ones about how he was coping at school.

When it finally came time for the doctor to turn his attentions on Castiel he was crying and shaking his head. Sometimes Michael couldn’t understand it.

Dr Albert was one of the best in his field and he had never done anything untoward to his brother but for some reason he terrified Castiel and it was worse for him to be touched by the psychologist than by anybody else except their mother.

Michael grit his teeth and shut his eyes, trying to block out Castiel’s cries of fear.

Soon it was over though and he was able to lead his shaking, sobbing brother back out, pay for the visit and head towards the car, promising Castiel anything he wanted for being so brave. Michael was just going through the motions however, his nerves were completely frayed. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep doing this every week.

It was with great relief that he looked up and noticed Lucifer leaning on the driver’s side of his car.

“How did you get here?” Michael questioned.

“A bus,” Lucifer replied, quirking an eyebrow to note that it was a stupid question. “Come on, bro, you look exhausted. Keys.”

Lucifer snatched the keys the second they were in sight and ushered both his brothers into the car, crooning softly to Castiel as he pulled his seatbelt on without touching him.

They stopped at a diner for dinner because Castiel enjoyed burgers and he seemed to calm down when he was huddled between the corner of the booth and Lucifer, sipping a strawberry milkshake and eating his burger and fries.

“Thank you,” Michael said softly, looking at Lucifer who tore his eyes away from Castiel.

“Not a problem. I checked on Anna and Gabe before I came and they’re both being good little munchkins,” Lucifer smiled cheerily. Michael nodded. “You know, you could have called, I would have come with you.”

“I had to get going. Gabriel was supposed to but I wanted him to have the chance to spend time with his friend,” Michael explained. “I can’t remember the last time he or Anna had friends. Can you?”

Lucifer shook his head, looking sad. “It’s always been just us.”

They finished dinner in silence and then Lucifer drove them home. Michael allowed him to take Castiel through his night time routine, sneaking to his room without any of his siblings noticing. He had just finished showering and was heading out to lock his door so he could drink undisturbed when he spotted Lucifer perched on his bed, toying with his bottle of whiskey.

“You said you’d stopped,” Lucifer commented dryly. “Cassie went to bed okay, I think he’ll be alright. You should go to bed too.”

Michael glowered. “Are you really going to deny me a drink?”

“Yes. It’s not the way to deal with this.” Lucifer scowled at him. “That’s why there isn’t supposed to be any in the house. Mum was drinking before she tried to... you know.”

Michael shivered. “Are you comparing me to her?”

“Of course not. But this isn’t healthy. I’m tipping it down the sink. Don’t buy anymore.”

Michael glared as his brother left before flopping on his bed, body aching as a physical representation of his mental exhaustion.

* * *

“Is he alright?” Gabriel wondered, sneaking up behind Lucifer to watch him pour the mostly full bottle of whiskey down the sink. He took comfort in the fact that there was barely two inches emptied when he found it. It meant Michael hadn’t had it long. His brother didn’t have a drinking problem by any means but Lucifer worried that if he used alcohol to cope with his stress then it could turn into one. So they promised long ago that neither of them would drink their problems.

“Yeah. He just needs a kick in the ass sometimes like anybody,” Lucifer replied.

“I would have gone but-“

“You hate it as much as he does. Michael’s not mad, Gabe, he’s actually happy you’ve made friends for a change.” Lucifer turned to smile at his younger brother who looked guilty as all hell. “What’s his name?”

“Dean Winchester,” Gabriel replied. “He’s got a little brother Sam. They’re great.”

Lucifer nodded. “Don’t be up too late. I’ll see you in the morning.” He ruffled Gabriel’s hair on the way past to go to his own room and stayed awake most of the night in case Michael ended up sneaking out to find their cooking wine or something if he was desperate.

* * *

On Monday Dean decided he wanted to sit with Gabriel at lunch. He knew that meant risking the wrath of Gordon and Crowley, which also meant he’d end up on the radar of their other friends Azazel and Alistair so he was little uncertain. He just really didn’t want Gabriel to think he was ashamed of being his friend or something, as girly as that sounded. He was a good guy and Dean liked him.

He didn’t tell Gabriel just in case he chickened out and let the guy leave before him for the cafeteria. So he was on his own when he wandered past and open classroom and a flash of tan caught his eye.

Dean backtracked and looked back into the open classroom to see Castiel sitting alone at his desk, evidently still waiting for Anna since Gabriel had gone ahead to the cafeteria to meet them. Dean frowned deeply, it was more than unusual for Castiel’s siblings to forget him or leave him waiting so he stepped inside slowly.

“Castiel,” he said to alert the boy to his presence. He didn’t even react. “Hi, Castiel, I’m Dean, a friend of Gabriel’s. What are you doing in here?” Dean inwardly cursed, of course there would be no answer, Castiel didn’t talk.

“I know Anna is supposed to meet you but... something must be holding her up. So, Castiel... hey, do you mind if I call you ‘Cas’? It’s sort of easier than Castiel.” Dean waited, knowing it was stupid to expect a reply. “I’ll take your silence as a yes. Okay, then, Cas, why don’t you come with me and I’ll take you to Gabe?”

Dean was surprised when Castiel pushed away from his desk and stood, eyes flicking up to Dean’s face momentarily before travelling down his body to his shoes slowly, as if memorising him. Dean had seen him do it once with a teacher. He took it as a good sign and smiled warmly when Castiel’s eyes went to his face once more as he put his backpack on and prepared to walk with Dean.

“I’m sure Anna didn’t forget you, she probably had things to take care of,” Dean said cheerfully as he walked towards the cafeteria with Castiel in step behind him, close enough to be able to follow Dean without being separated or jostled by someone walking past them but far enough away that there was no risk of Dean touching him. Dean found it incredible how Castiel oriented himself so easily around everyone for his own comfort. “I mean, it would have been better if she’d shot your brother a text so he could come get you. Lucky I was passing, huh? Here we are and there’s Gabe looking pretty worried. Let’s go make him feel better.”

Dean wasn’t sure why he was just talking like this. He knew Castiel was never going to respond but... well, he didn’t think it was right to ignore him just because he wouldn’t say anything in return.

“Castiel!” Gabriel said, jumping to his feet. “God I was worried! Where’s Anna?” This last part was directed at Dean.

“Hey Gabe, I think Anna must be getting held up somewhere,” Dean said, pulling out a chair for Castiel to sit in. The youngest Novak took the offered seat opposite his brother and Dean sat down in the one beside him, smiling at him. “I found him waiting in his classroom and thought I should probably bring him to you.”

Dean watched as Castiel pulled out his lunch and started to arrange it in front of him. He didn’t understand the arrangement but found the look of concentration it seemed to require kind of endearing.

“Thank you,” Gabriel sighed. “I was about to go into full-blown panic mode.”

Dean chuckled.

“He didn’t seem worried about someone else getting him?” Gabriel wondered, frowning a little.

“Nope,” Dean responded cheerfully. “Me and Cas are friends now, right man?”

Castiel, of course, didn’t say anything but he did pause in the laying out of carrot sticks on their cling wrap. He actually gave a small nod and both Dean and Gabriel stared at him. They gaped at each other and Dean went to speak but was interrupted by the appearance of an almost hysterical Anna.

“Gabriel! Castiel is missing!” she was shouting but froze when she spotted Castiel straightening his apple next to his sandwich. “Oh...” She flushed deep red before dropping down next to Gabriel and leaning towards her younger brother slightly. “Castiel, I’m so sorry. My teacher held me back. I won’t do that to you again.”

“It’s okay, Dean got him,” Gabriel assured her, rubbing her shoulder. “Next time remind your teacher that you have someone to take care of or ask if you can text me – or Dean for that matter – and we can get Cassie instead.”

Anna nodded, looking devastated. She turned her beautiful eyes onto Dean.

“Thank you for taking care of him,” she said with a genuine smile. Dean nodded. He wanted to speak but he felt eyes on him and turned to look over at his table where his entire group was staring at him.

“It’s okay,” Gabriel said, looking down at the table. “You can go back to sit with them.”

“Uh...” Dean observed Gordon beckoning to him, looking furious. He wasn’t sure if he should go or stay and was trying to make a decision when-

“Dean!” Sam skidded to a halt by their table, startling all of them except Castiel who had just started to eat and was apparently ignoring them. “Are we sitting here now?”

Dean looked up at his little brother, about to respond along the lines of ‘ _we_ are not doing anything’ but Sam was looking at Gabriel with this worshipful expression Dean had only ever seen directed at himself before and couldn’t take away Sam’s enthusiasm.

“Sure, Sammy, come and sit,” Dean offered, trying not to feel a little jealous that Sam was so enamoured by Gabriel when he sat next to him rather than Dean. He said he was just in awe of Gabriel’s intelligence and ambition but Dean could sense a little something else. He didn’t want to ask about it since Sam was so young and probably didn’t really want to think about what his sexual orientation might be so he just decided to let Sam have his hero-worship crush on Gabriel but thought it prudent to warn his friend of his younger brother’s feelings so he was aware.

Dean felt eyes on him and found Castiel watching him. Castiel tilted his head and then looked at Sam chattering away to Gabriel as Anna watched him with a fond smile, seemingly having picked up on his crush the same way Dean had. Castiel tilted his head to the other side before returning to eating, unperturbed by the events. Dean smiled. He had no doubt Castiel wasn’t sure what was actually going on but decided to adopt his attitude and not let it bother him.

Dean eyed Castiel’s chocolate chip cookies that smelt really good – homemade no doubt.

“Hey Cas, since we’re friends now... think I could have one of those?” Dean indicated the cookies and Anna turned to stare worriedly but Castiel simply slid one of the cookies towards Dean without any fuss.

“Thanks, man,” Dean smiled, turning to Castiel’s siblings to join in their conversation, ignoring the way they looked at him with deep gratitude etched onto their faces. He knew they were so glad that someone didn’t care Castiel couldn’t communicate and wanted to be around him anyway, but he didn’t really want them to start gushing with thanks. Chick-flick moments were _so_ not his thing. In fact they made him downright uncomfortable.

However nothing was said and they continued on as if it was totally normal – their oddly comprised grouping. Gabriel grinned every time Dean decided to include Castiel in the conversation despite his mute nature. Castiel surprised them all by spending the whole lunch hour watching Dean with what could almost be a bemused smile on his face, obviously not used to anybody talking to him so much or so normally. Sam caught on and Anna looked like she could kiss both Winchester boys, hugging Gabriel tightly as they all laughed at Dean’s jokes, Castiel tilting his head, not understanding but entertained if his smile was any indicator.

Dean had seen enough to know Castiel’s response wasn’t normal but he didn’t care. This was the first time he’d seen the kid look anything close to happy or engaged. Who cared if he probably thought Dean was nuts? He was happy that he was putting that tiny, almost unnoticeable smile on his face. He was someone who needed to feel like a protector so doing this small thing, making someone not feel miserable and alone, was just what he needed. No thanks required.


	5. Dicks will be dicks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Un-edited sorry, I'm feeling lazy right now. I'll edit later, I promise.
> 
> Warnings for derogatory, homophobic and psychophobic (same kind of deal as homophobia, people treating mentally ill people awfully and blaming it on fear - "you are not afriad, you are just an asshole") language.

For the entire week Dean and Sam sat with the Novaks. On Wednesday Jo joined them, warmly accepted into the fold and instantly friends with both Anna and Gabriel. She was slightly confused by Dean's tendency to throw questions at Castiel and then act as if he'd answered but didn't comment on it, too pleased to get away from Crowley and Gordon. Dean was starting to really love his lunch hour. Spending it with his little brother, his best friend and his three new friends was just what he needed. There was no pressure at that table, on any of them. It was fun.

But Dean couldn't help but feel the heavy weight of stares coming from what he was starting to consider his old group. He knew it was going to come to a head sooner or later and he just hoped Castiel wouldn't be in the way when it happened.

Of course, he's a Winchester, so he should never have expected things to go the way he desperately wanted them to. It was on Friday and just as he and Gabe were heading out to go and fetch Castiel, Gabriel was called back by the teacher. He barely had to shoot Dean a glance before he was nodding and motioning for Gabriel to go, he could handle getting Castiel on his own.

Dean arrived at Castiel's class and waited for the last kids to exit before he stepped in and whistled cheerfully to get the younger boy's attention. Castiel looked up at the sound and scrambled to his feet, grabbing his bag when he spotted Dean. He always reacted with his own version of enthusiasm when he saw Dean was getting him from class. Dean wasn't sure how to react to Castiel's – was interest the right word? Curiosity was probably better – curiosity for him but he supposed he didn't have to. Castiel probably did just think he was insane.

"Come on Cas, lunch time," Dean said, gesturing for him to follow. Castiel went willingly, his teacher watching the pair go with a warm smile. Dean ignored her look. Everyone gave him that look, like he was performing some great service by being nice to Castiel. Screw that, he was a human being damn it, everyone should be treated that way.

Dean's stomach dropped when they barely made it ten feet down the hall before being stopped by Gordon and Crowley. Castiel glanced at them both briefly before shrinking behind Dean. Anna had told he, Jo and Sam that Castiel was an excellent judge of character most of the time. It figured he would recognised the douchebaggery in front of them for what it was.

"What do you want?" Dean growled, tensing his muscles automatically. He glanced back quickly to ensure Castiel was right behind him where neither of the idiots could reach him and set him off.

"Aw look at him Crowley, protecting the little nutjob," Gordon cooed stupidly. Dean's eyes narrowed dangerously. Crowley smirked.

"Gone and become a pussy little faggot have you? Gonna fuck the little freak because that's the only play you can get?" Crowley asked with a snicker.

Dean raised one eyebrow. "Seriously? Are we forgetting which one of us has slept with every girl in the grade? And which one of us hasn't had a girlfriend since middle school, _Fergus_?"

Crowley snarled but a steadying hand on his arm from Gordon stopped him launching at Dean just yet. People were stopping to watch the confrontation with interest. The idea of Dean Winchester being attacked by his own followers was amusing to most of them – some probably thought he had it coming. He didn't care. His only goal in this was to stall until Gabriel came and then as soon as Castiel was safely away he was going to beat the shit out of these two dickheads.

"Come on Dean, don't hide behind your words," Gordon sneered. "Wanna prove you're not fucking the little freak? Hand him over to us. Let's get him used to some touch, hey?"

Dean bristled angrily and he heard Castiel whimper. Dean really hoped he had no idea they were talking about him, but he probably did. He was socially incompetent, not stupid.

Dean was about to take a step towards the two in front of him when Castiel's teacher suddenly appeared.

"Okay boys, let's break this up before one or all of you get sent to the principal," she said firmly, eyes narrowed towards Gordon and Crowley. They both grumbled and shoved past Dean who automatically stepped back so they wouldn't touch him, meaning he left Castiel open for Crowley's foot to swing out and catch his ankle, yanking hard.

Without even stopping to consider how badly it would turn out for him, Dean's hands shot out to grip Castiel's shoulders, steadying him and moving him out of the path of the other students dispersing now that there would be no fight. Realising, far too late – a split second before Castiel reacted – what he'd just done.

"Shit," Dean gasped just as Castiel began screaming and wrenched himself from Dean's grip, flinging back into the lockers, breathing heavily and shaking his head, hands over his eyes. There were no words in his cries and that somehow made it worse. The small boy slowly sank to the ground, huddled in his oversized trench coat, crying, rocking and shaking his head frantically as Dean and the young teacher looked at each other fearfully, no idea of how to proceed.

"Cas, Cas, I'm sorry!" Dean said over his cries. He dropped to his knees in front of Castiel but the boy flinched away, curling tighter on himself. He peeked out at Dean between his fingers, blue eyes dark and filled with tears and – Dean's stomach jolted painfully and he felt sick when he saw it – betrayal.

It was then that Gabriel sprinted over, skidding down beside Dean with a terrified expression.

"What happened?" he demanded of Dean, hands fluttering uselessly in mid air as he cooed to his brother, waiting for Dean's response.

"I... I... uh Crowley tripped him and I... caught him. Gabe, I'm sorry. I didn't-"

"Dean!" Gabriel said, eyes darkening. "How could you?"

"I'm _sorry_!" Dean snapped. "It was an accident."

"Gabriel! What happened?" Anna had arrived, cell phone in hand, texting one of their older brothers.

"Dean happened," Gabriel spat, glaring at Dean who felt offended. He hadn't meant to upset Castiel. Then guilt speared him as he looked at the boy who was quieting now but still crying and rocking back and forth in his little ball, as far away from Dean as he could get with two people kneeling around him, stopping him from going anywhere.

"Cas," Dean said but his cries started up louder and he sighed.

"How dare you lay a finger on him?" Anna shrieked, glowering at him. "Castiel is fragile! He doesn't need someone we thought we could trust harming him!"

Dean flinched.

"You should just go," Gabriel hissed before turning to his brother and crooning comforting words. Dean climbed to his feet and walked away slowly with a heavy step. It wasn't like he did it on purpose. He spotted Sam staring at him in shock down the hall and he ignored him. He didn't want Sam judging him too, like everyone else around him was. They were all sending him looks of shock and disgust – it was Crowley who tripped the kid. Dean just...

Dean just broke the most important rule Gabriel had emphasised to him - _do not touch Castiel_.

He sighed. Of course they were angry. He didn't blame them.

He made his way outside and found a secluded place to sit alone until the end of the lunch hour. He didn't have an appetite now anyway. He just wanted to think up some apology that would be acceptable to Gabriel. He really liked the guy and didn't want to lose him as a friend over a mistake, no matter how huge it might be to him.

He started pelting rocks in his frustration as he waited. He was sure Gabriel would come to find him.

Sure enough, halfway through the hour Gabriel appeared in front of Dean who leapt to his feet, apologies flying out of his mouth in incoherent sentences until Gabriel's glare made him freeze.

"Dean-"

"Gabe, please, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to. I wasn't thinking and-"

"You're right, you weren't thinking."

Dean bowed his head. He totally understood Gabriel's anger. If someone had made Sammy that upset... he would tear their lungs out.

"Seriously I just... he almost tripped. It was instinctive," Dean tried one more time. Why would they think he'd want to hurt Castiel on purpose? Hadn't he proven that he just wanted to be friends with all three of them?

"Dean... I know. I'm sorry, I guess it's just habit to be so... protective."

Dean looked up to see Gabriel rubbing the back of his neck. "I really am sorry. I didn't mean to upset him."

"I know. And Anna knows that too, she's just-" Gabriel pulled a face and Dean smiled. Just like that the tension was diffused and they sat. "We just get really touchy about it because Cassie never used to be that bad."

Dean raised his eyebrows. "How?"

"Well, we could never hug him, that's the truth – he used to panic if he felt trapped and hugging most definitely made him feel trapped – but we could touch him briefly. Like steadying him if he tripped. Touching his hand for a few seconds was like our own version of a hug. And Luci used to ruffle his hair every morning. It wasn't much but for us it was incredible because we could at least be affectionate with him in those small ways even if only for a few seconds before he got upset."

Dean nodded. "What changed?"

As soon as Gabriel's face darkened he knew the answer. "Our mother tried to kill him. She had her hands on him for such a long time and I think Michael hurt him when he pulled him away from her – we never knew because he wouldn't let anyone near him for weeks and by then he seemed physically healthy. But ever since then he can't even stand the lightest, briefest touch – they all set him off."

Dean frowned softly. "So... is the real reason you guys were angry because I touched him... or because it was my "friends" who tripped him?"

Gabriel averted his eyes. "I don't even know why you _are_ friends with them Dean. Those guys are such dicks and you're-"

"Exactly the same," Dean cut him off, wincing as he thought back on the times he'd joined in on the tormenting of the unpopular kids. Or, even worse, standing back and watching as his friends made somebody's life hell and doing nothing to stop it because he'd rather they didn't turn their attention to him.

Gabriel was staring at him in shock. "No, Dean, you're not."

"Yes. I am. Gabe, I'm just as big a jerk as the rest of them. I'm a screw up. You shouldn't even be friends with me. You could do better."

"Dean." Gabriel grabbed his shoulder and squeezed hard before standing so Dean was forced to meet his eyes or else feel very awkward about looking anywhere else when his friend was in front of him. "Listen to me. Nobody – and I mean nobody, not even his own _family_ – has ever made Cassie feel so at ease before. You make him fucking comfortable and nobody has ever done that. And you know why? It's all because of that silly thing you do where you talk to him as if he'd reply. As if he was-"

"Normal?" Dean supplied.

"Yes! Dean, you're such a good person for treating him that way. Nobody ever does. We're all guilty of babying him and giving him special treatment. But you treat him like one of the guys."

Dean shrugged his shoulders helplessly. "Only because I don't know what I'm actually supposed to do. I'm nothing special and I don't know a thing about autism."

"You want to know the truth?" Gabriel looked sad all of a sudden. "Nobody does. Not a single person. Not even all those "professionals" and "experts" who like to poke and prod at Castiel as if he's not human. They say they're going to help him but then they use words like "cure" and they run tests and make him stressed and upset – which is definitely not helping him. Cassie is _happy_ the way he is until someone reminds him he isn't like everybody else - and that's what those people do - and then he reverts further into himself making it less and less likely that he will ever emerge from his shell."

Gabriel tugged on his hair before he continued, apparently on a roll with pent up frustration he'd never had the chance to let out before. Dean let him go, making sure he didn't get too worked up but he figured it was best to get it out. He had no idea how none of that family had imploded yet with the amount of feelings they bottle up. It's not like Dean could talk but at least he had Sammy to force him to unload on the occasion. These guys were all too scared of one of them going the same way as their mother that they couldn't bring themselves to confide their fears and worries to each other.

"This country puts such a stigma on mental illness, no, the whole world does. That's humans though isn't it? Whenever they come across something different and strange – black people, ethnic people, tribal people, gay people – they either kill it or they try to change it and when they can't they label it and put it in a box so that it always knows how different it is, that it will never fit in. They forget that people who possess those differences are just that: _people_. They have thoughts and feelings and they are being crushed by the rest of the world who can't take the time to stop and really try to _understand_."

There were tears streaking down Gabriel's cheeks now but he didn't seem to notice.

Dean's heart ached for his friend. All he wanted was for his little brother to be happy and safe and healthy but the rest of the world was always trying to stop it from happening.

Before Gabriel could get so far as to condemn the entire human race to hell, Dean grabbed him and pulled him back down onto the table beside him, tucking the smaller boy into his side and hugging him. Gabriel froze and Dean grit his teeth, knowing the question was about to come.

"What are you doing?" he sniffled.

"If you tell anybody about this I will kick your ass," was Dean's only answer and Gabriel gave a shaky half laugh, half sob before resting his head on Dean's shoulder.

"Thank you."

Dean rolled his eyes. They could never just leave it, could they?

"So... how is he?" Dean asked softly.

"He's calmed down. We're waiting for Michael to come get him."

Dean worried his bottom lip between his teeth. "Are you going to tell him it was my fault?"

"It wasn't your fault. It was Crowley and that's what I told the principal and what I'll tell Michael. Castiel would have panicked anyway if he had fallen. It was unavoidable. God I hate that guy."

"You and me both, Gabe. I promise I'll figure out a way to make them leave Cas alone."

Gabriel laughed weakly.

"What?"

"In our family if you make a promise then you can't break it. It's our code. It keeps us strong."

Dean smiled. "Consider me an honorary brother then because I won't be breaking that promise any time soon."

Gabriel nodded in thanks.

Dean shifted uncomfortably. "What do you say we end the chick-flick moment here before we both grow vaginas?"

Gabriel burst out laughing and fell backwards out of Dean's grip. Dean joined in, grinning down at him in amusement, glad nothing was going to be off between them now. All he needed was Anna's forgiveness.

And... well, Castiel's... only he wasn't sure how to go about getting that. One thing was for certain though, he wouldn't be getting the image of Castiel's devastated, betrayed eyes out of his head until he did. And maybe even after that.


	6. Harry Potter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again unedited but I'll get around to it later when I feel more loquacious.
> 
> Thank you all so much for the comments, subscriptions, bookmarks and kudos. It means a lot :)

Over the weekend, Dean planned. In fact he even tore pages out of his notebook to jot down ideas under the heading ‘Make Cas Forgive Me’. He was sitting at the bar in the Roadhouse on Sunday night without a single dot point beneath the heading when Ellen leant on the bar opposite him and fixed him with one of her patented ‘don’t you dare lie to me’ looks.

“What’s eatin’ you hon?” she wondered.

Dean frowned, wondering how much he should explain.

“I have this friend,” he began. Good, this much was true. Dean had once lied to Ellen and she had cuffed him around the ear. He wasn’t letting that happen again. The woman could _hit_.

“Go on.”

“And I did something... bad to him. Nothing that would make you or Bobby or Dad disappointed I swear, but just bad enough that I broke his trust and now... now he wants nothing to do with me,” Dean explained.

“Would this friend happen to be the autistic boy you, Sam and Jo now sit with at lunchtimes?” Ellen questioned. Dean blinked and stared at her. “Now come on, Dean, you don’t think my daughter tells me things? Apparently, you’re pretty good with him. What could you have done?”

“I touched him.” Dean sighed and rubbed his forehead. “It was an accident. Crowley tripped him so I reached out to catch him without thinking and now... now I’m pretty sure he’ll never look at me again.”

“Hon, nothing’s broken forever.” Ellen smiled sympathetically. “He may be hurt now but... he’ll soon move past it. You didn’t do anything terrible, it was an accident. Okay, so what I understand about autistic people is that they don’t feel the same way the rest of us do. Or if they do, then they have trouble expressing it. This boy’s just hurt that you did something he didn’t like, the same way you or I would be. Just say sorry, properly, he’ll soon forgive you.”

Dean mulled those words over. “Something tells me that Cas’s idea of an apology isn’t just the words ‘I’m sorry’.”

“You’re right. It’s probably an action. Find some way to gain his trust. How did you do it the first time?”

Dean gave a half-hearted smile. “I acted like an idiot. I talked to him as if he was going to answer back. For some reason he liked it.”

“He likes being treated like everybody else,” Ellen nodded. Dean chewed his bottom lip and noted that on his page. There, at least he had something written now.

* * *

The next week, Dean apologised to Anna who forgave him, apologising in return for the way she’d spoken to him. However Castiel wouldn’t even glance at him. Dean allowed him to be angry for a little longer and then on Wednesday when Anna was sick and Gabriel had the duty of looking after Castiel all day on his own, Dean couldn’t help but volunteer his help.

“Dean, that’s great and all but Cassie won’t acknowledge you. What makes you think he’ll walk from class with you?” Gabriel asked, rubbing his eyes as he scanned the textbook on his pencil case. God he hated Trig.

“What if he has no choice?” Dean wondered.

“Dean,” Gabriel groaned, a little too loud.

“Mr Novak!” their teacher snapped. They both jumped and looked up at him. He was glaring at Gabriel fiercely who sunk down in his seat. “That is the third time this week you’ve interrupted my class. Not to mention not handing in your weekend homework assignment.”

Gabriel rolled his eyes.

“I think, you would benefit from an afternoon of detention.”

“What? That is so unfair!” Gabriel burst out.

“Shall I make it two?”

The rest of the class snickered as Gabriel sank further in his seat and shook his head.

“See me at the end of class.”

“But-“

“No, buts, Mr Novak.”

Dean grinned triumphantly. Now Gabriel had no choice but to let him collect Castiel. And maybe he’d even have to look after him this afternoon while Gabriel was in detention and Castiel had nobody else. Gabriel nodded reluctantly to Dean when the bell rang and he made his way to the desk to collect his detention slip.

Dean practically skipped – in a _totally_ manly fashion – down to Castiel’s classroom, bouncing eagerly as the kids exited the room. Finally the last one left and he slipped inside, smiling at Castiel. Castiel wasn’t looking, preparing to leave as soon as he had heard footsteps coming into the room instead of out.

“Hey Cas, lunchtime!” Dean chimed. The boy jumped and his head snapped up to stare at Dean. When he took in who had come to collect him he dropped back in his seat and looked resolutely out the windows. Dean stared at him dumbfounded and Castiel’s teacher looked between them worriedly.

“Perhaps you should just wait for Gabriel,” she suggested.

Dean grumbled and leant in the doorway. Gabriel soon walked down the corridor, his face falling slightly when he saw Dean waiting. He shrugged as if to say ‘I told you’ and gestured to Castiel who still refused to move.

“Cassie, come on, I’m hungry,” Gabriel said wearily.

“It’s me,” Dean muttered darkly. “Fine, I’ll just go.”

With that he stormed off and Gabriel watched him leave sadly.

“I think you hurt his feelings,” he said to Castiel who had decided to stand now and follow his brother to the cafeteria. Either the younger boy didn’t hear or simply didn’t care as he made no acknowledgement of Gabriel’s words.

They joined Sam, Jo and her brother Ash at the table. Ash was Monday’s new acquisition and Gabriel found he like the laidback boy who was a completely contrast to his fiery, abrasive sister.

“Where’s Dean?” Jo asked.

“Is he sulking since Cas won’t talk to him? Or... well...” Sam blushed, fumbling for the right word and Gabriel laughed, reaching over the table to ruffle the kid’s hair fondly.

“Don’t worry, kiddo. And yeah, he’s sulking,” Gabriel shrugged. “You know it’s a shame Cassie. This means you’ll have to wait alone in the library this afternoon.”

Castiel finally paid attention at this, cocking his head curiously.

“Yeah. I have detention. I texted Luci and he said he’s not making two trips so you’ve got to hang out here while I serve my unjust punishment. If you were still friends with Dean he could wait with you but since you’re being stubborn – a trait I didn’t even know you possessed – you’ll just have to be alone. I mean... are you okay with that? If it really worries you, Luci can come get you.”

Castiel shook his head minutely.

“Right then. After your last class – gym right?” Gabriel waited and glanced at Sam who nodded. He and Castiel practically had opposite timetables, something that had annoyed the younger Winchester who would have liked to have some classes with Castiel so he could look after him. “You wait until everyone’s gone from the parking lot and then you walk back over and wait in the library for me or Luci. Understand?”

Castiel gave a tiny nod before returning full attention to his lunch.

“Is that a good idea?” Jo wondered softly, eyes trained over Gabriel’s shoulder. The older boy glanced around to see Crowley, Gordon and their two friends Azazel and Alistair all looking much too innocent, staring anywhere but at their table.

“Sure. Cassie knows how to wait until nobody’s around. He prefers less people anyway.” Gabriel smiled at his younger brother. “Besides, I’m sure Luci was only joking. He won’t be too long after school – not with Anna home sick anyway.”

“Hey, tell her to get better,” Jo said. “My morning classes were so boring.”

Gabriel grinned. “I’ll be sure to let her know.”

He was so glad they’d moved to Lawrence. He and Anna had never had a single friend before and here they were with a whole group of them. And not only that but these people accepted Castiel too. None more so than Dean though so Gabriel really hoped his baby brother could find it in himself to forgive Dean but he was doubtful. He didn’t know how Castiel’s mind worked on matters like this – he forgave his siblings for accidental touches, but Dean had been a stranger not too long ago, the first and only Castiel had trusted and Dean had broken that trust. Gabriel wondered if something like that was unforgivable in Castiel’s mind?

* * *

After ditching his last class due to his bad mood, Dean traipsed from the bleachers around to the car park. Almost everyone was already gone – including Sam who had gotten a lift with Jo and Ash due to Dean’s absence – so the parking lot was quiet. He started making his way over to Baby when he heard three very familiar laughs that made his blood run cold.

Dean turned around slowly and spotted the three people he did not want to see, lurking at the edge of the car park, staring at the gym doors. Dean frowned, wondering what they were up to.

“Sh, guys, shut the fuck up, here he comes,” Gordon hissed.

Dean’s heart almost stopped when he spotted the flash of impossible-to-miss oversized, tan trench coat wrapped around a small, very vulnerable boy.

Just what did those assholes think they were doing?

Dean frowned further when he realised that Azazel wasn’t there. Alistair hardly went anywhere without his little sidekick but he wasn’t anywhere in sight.

“Come on,” Crowley sneered.

Dean darted around in front of the group as they started moving towards Castiel.

“Do not even think about it,” Dean snarled, eyes narrowed at Gordon.

“Shut up Winchester,” Alistair sneered taking advantage of Dean’s eyes being on Gordon and swinging an uppercut into his gut. Dean’s breath huffed out of him and he doubled over, to catch it. He grabbed Gordon’s arm as he passed but the boy threw him off, sending Dean sprawling. He quickly leapt to his feet, yelling Castiel’s name.

“Run!” he shouted. The boy stopped walking however which was probably the worst thing and then he was surrounded by the three much, much bigger guys. “Get the fuck away from him!”

Dean took another step when a pair of arms grabbed him – so that’s where Azazel was, keeping watch. He swung his elbow back and caught Azazel’s eye. His attacker grunted and arms loosened enough for Dean to break free but not before Crowley had put his hands on the boy, causing him to cry out and try to escape but Alistair just shoved him into Gordon who knocked him back.

Dean’s heart ached as Castiel cried out, wordlessly begging for them to leave him alone, putting his arms over his face to protect himself.

Crowley spotted Dean’s murderous expression as he came over and they gave one last shove, causing Castiel to flop into one of the puddles left by the day’s rainfall where he curled up, sobbing and keening, not even bothering to move out of the water.

The guys scattered except Gordon who dodged the punch Dean threw at his face and laughed at him.

“It was just a bit of fun, Winchester,” he chuckled. “The kid needs to learn a thing or two.”

Dean grabbed Gordon’s jumper and yanked him close, glaring in his face.

“If you _ever_ touch him again, I’ll fucking kill you,” Dean snarled, throwing the boy so he fell on his ass in another puddle. Dean kicked gravel in his face as he walked past towards Castiel, hands starting to shake because he had no idea what to do now.

“You’re going to regret this!” Gordon shouted.

Dean turned and saw the four boys all staring at him, varying expressions on their faces. Dean would almost be scared of the glare on Gordon’s if he hadn’t just knocked the guy to the ground.

“Bring it,” Dean called back.

He looked between Gordon and the shivering huddle that was the youngest Novak sibling, threw a dark glare towards Gordon and his posse then swung around to Castiel, crouching down a few feet in front of him, ashamed at how frightened and upset he appeared all soaked and wrapped in his overlarge trench coat. But he had stopped his keening, glancing slightly at Dean as he moved his arms.

“Hey, Cas?” Dean said softly. “I’m so sorry about what those guys did and also that I couldn’t stop them – I swear I’ll kick their asses. Why don’t you get up and we’ll go somewhere so you can get dry?”

Castiel didn’t respond for a while until finally he clambered to his feet, arms wrapped tightly around himself, staring at Dean’s feet and waiting for him to lead the way. Dean took him into the school, to a bathroom first where he encouraged Castiel to dry his hair and take off his sopping coat. They went into the library afterward and sat in front of one of the heaters so Castiel could dry.

“I don’t think this is going to get better and it’s kind of cold out there,” Dean mused, prodding the coat where it was lying in front of the heater. Then he smiled. “Here.” He held out his leather jacket.

Castiel looked up in surprise, eyeing the garment with suspicion.

“Hey, relax, it won’t bite,” Dean teased. “It’s big and warm... I mean it smells like me which might put you off a little but it’s better than being cold.”

Castiel glanced at him briefly before accepting the jacket and holding it up to look at it properly. When he hugged it to his chest Dean took it as acceptance and gratitude for the gesture. He shifted forward slightly and Castiel hunched in further on himself in response.

“I just want you to know... I promise I won’t let anybody hurt you anymore,” Dean murmured. “I know I’m not one of your brothers but I have a little brother of my own and he doesn’t really need me to look out for him anymore. I kind of need someone to look after so I’m gonna look after you. How does that sound?”

He didn’t really expect Castiel to respond but the slight relaxation of his shoulders made Dean hopeful that he’d understood and maybe even welcomed Dean’s protection.

Dean looked up at the bookshelves where they were and spotted the several copies of each Harry Potter book that their library carried.

“Man I haven’t read these in ages,” Dean laughed, pulling down the first one. He glanced at Castiel who was still clutching his jacket, practically ignoring Dean. “Don’t tell anyone I’ve read them, okay? It’ll totally ruin my image. Hey... have you read them?”

Castiel hesitated before turning to look. Dean held up the cover and Castiel tilted his head before shaking it slightly. Dean stared at him.

“Something’s wrong here if even _I’ve_ read them,” Dean chuckled. He looked down and opened to the first page, feeling nostalgic. “Would it bother you if I read it to you? I’m not the best reader but I read them to Sam when he was younger and he didn’t seem to think I was terrible.”

Dean looked up and found Castiel watching him expectantly, like had that first lunch when Dean was telling him jokes that he didn’t laugh at. Dean’s heart leapt. Maybe this was Castiel forgiving him. He settled down a little closer to the boy who didn’t flinch away, and started to read.

“ _Mr and Mrs Dursley, of number four Privet Drive, were proud to say they were perfectly normal, thank you very much..._ ”

By the time a man strode into the library calling out for Castiel, they’d just gotten to the third chapter and Castiel was sitting facing Dean’s profile, eyes wide and captivated as he listened to the story pouring forth from Dean’s lips. He looked around at the sound of his nickname and stood when he spotted the speaker.

Dean looked up and noted the tall, blonde male who must be Lucifer. That was odd... he looked nothing like Michael. They must be the other kind of twins that aren’t identical... fratical? Fractional? Fraternity? Fraternal! That was it.

“Cassie, there you are!” Lucifer said, grinning, pleased. He frowned when Castiel put on Dean’s jacket and folded his still wet coat in his arms. “What happened to your clothes?”

Castiel ducked his head, cheeks flaming and Dean jumped to his feet.

“I’ll tell you when he’s in the car,” he whispered. Lucifer eyed Dean suspiciously.

“And you are?”

“Dean Winchester. I’m a friend of Gabe, Anna and Cas’s,” Dean explained, picking up his bag and putting the book back on the shelf. Castiel noticed with a sad expression. Dean glanced at him sideways. “It’s cool Cas. I’ll steal Sam’s copy and we can keep reading.”

Castiel nodded once, relaxing and Dean noticed Lucifer’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise. But he took it in his stride and gestured for both boys to follow him. Gabriel was already in the car, looking moody and irritated. But his eyes lit up when he saw Dean walking with Castiel.

Lucifer opened the back door and Castiel climbed in obediently. Dean caught the door before Lucifer shut it and he leant a little closer until Castiel looked up at him with wide blue, blue eyes.

“So... are we friends again?” Dean asked softly, glad that the older Novak was examining his nails, trying not to listen in. Gabriel had headphones in and made a show of turning up the volume on his iPod despite that he was watching the goings on through the rear-view mirror.

Castiel seemed to consider him for a moment before nodding once, plucking at the collar of Dean’s jacket. Dean smiled and nodded back before straightening up and shutting the car door. Castiel looked out at him, eyes unwavering as Dean turned back to Lucifer.

“He uh... he had some trouble today... nothing major – just some assholes who decided to touch him – but he was kind of upset about it,” Dean explained. Lucifer’s eyebrows shot up again. “I took care of it but he might still be...”

“Yeah, yeah,” Lucifer agreed, eyes on Castiel who was still watching Dean with that indecipherable stare. “I’ll keep an eye on him. Thank you, Dean.”

Dean nodded and waved goodbye to Castiel as Lucifer got into the car and started pulling out of the parking lot. Castiel raised his hand and pressed his fingers to the window for a few moments before dropping them. Dean guessed it was his return of the wave.

He waited until the car was out of sight before jumping up and doing a victory fist-pump. He vowed to buy Ellen chocolates or flowers or something. Her advice was perfect.

And now he needed to steal Sammy Harry Potter series without him asking too many questions.


	7. Safety Zone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note, in a part of this chapter Lucifer is teasing Gabriel over his sexuality. Everything he is saying is just that, teasing. It's not what he thinks and it's not what I think, it's just him being an older brother, ribbing his little brother for a rise. I know most of you would realise this but sometimes I get people who rant at me for things my characters have said weren't meant seriously.

Michael perched on the edge of his youngest sibling’s bed as he went around his room, finishing up his morning tidy before school. He only watched Castiel for a moment until he spotted an unfamiliar garment on the bed. It was clearly a dark leather jacket but it was much too big to belong to the small boy in front of him.

Curious, and thus unthinking, Michael picked up the carefully folded jacket and it was only a second later he realised his mistake as he heard Castiel’s cry of dismay and the jacket was snatched from his grip as his brother began to panic, crying out and shaking as he curled up, clutching the leather close and shaking his head.

“Castiel, Castiel, stop it!” Michael said, dropping down in front of him immediately. “It’s okay. I’m sorry. I promise I won’t touch it again. Nobody’s going to touch it. Nobody’s going to take it away from you, I promise. Just... just calm down. Please... please, calm down.” He continued babbling, pleading until Castiel’s shrieks of fright calmed down into soft whimpers and he stopped rocking, simply shaking and hugging the jacket to his chest, face buried in the leather.

“There, good boy,” Michael soothed. “Now come on, stop crying. Let’s fold the jacket back up and I’ll tell the others that nobody is allowed to touch it, okay?”

Slowly Castiel stood and, with such care it made Michael’s heart ache, folded the jacket and placed it on his pillow. Michael wondered where he had gotten it and why it was so important to him. He then went into the bathroom to wash his face as his brother requested while Michael stumbled out and almost into Anna and Gabriel.

“What happened?” they demanded in unison.

“I happened. Anna, can you go and write up a note on Castiel’s board that nobody is to touch the leather jacket in his room. We do not need another episode like that,” Michael sighed wearily, shutting his eyes and rubbing his temples. Anna scurried off while Gabriel continued looking at Michael in concern. They sat on the top of the stairs together and Michael groaned. “I hate upsetting him. How was I supposed to know he was going to freak out if I touched it?”

“Whose jacket is it?”

Michael shrugged. “I’ve never seen it before... or at least, I think. I didn’t really get a chance to examine it. I think he was sleeping with it.”

Gabriel quirked one eyebrow. “Very attached then. I wonder where he got it.”

“Find out for me, will you?” Michael requested. Gabriel nodded and then rubbed his brother’s shoulder.

“Mike, you need to stop beating yourself up every time Cassie has an episode. You can’t control him and if you continue like this you’ll snap like Mum did.”

Michael nodded. “I know. I guess... Don’t worry, I’ll lighten up a little. Keep an eye on him today, would you? He’ll be jumpy after that.”

“Always, Mikey, you know I will.”

Michael smiled and hugged Gabriel tightly as Castiel came out of his room, stopping at the sight of affection. He almost appeared sheepish, as if he knew he was the cause of Michael’s distress. Michael looked up at his concerned gaze with a soft smile.

“It’s okay, baby bro,” Gabriel assured him. “Michael’s just tired. Now, let’s go.”

“Gabriel,” Michael said suddenly as he started down the stairs ahead of his brother. Gabriel looked backed warily at his tone. “Don’t think this doesn’t mean we’re not talking about you getting detention.”

Gabriel grimaced but nodded and continued down the stairs after Castiel who was waiting at the bottom patiently.

“Are you excited for school or something?” Gabriel teased. Castiel looked away from him and Gabriel chuckled but said nothing else. Yesterday morning Dean had been waiting in the car park, leaning against his Impala and waved Gabriel and Castiel over to him. He had reached into his bag and held out a copy of _Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone_ which had actually made Castiel smile. It wasn’t a huge beaming grin but it was definitely bigger than the tiny twitches of his lips he’d been giving them previously.

Today was the same. In fact Castiel didn’t even wait for his brother and sister before he started making his way over to where Dean was standing by his car.

“Where is he going?” Michael wondered, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. “Gabriel go with him.”

“I was about to. Stop being bossy.” He followed his brother, Anna laughing lightly behind him as she went too.

“Anna!” Dean greeted with a charming grin. “Feeling better?”

“Don’t you start trying to chat me up again, Dean Winchester, my big brothers are both in that car over there,” Anna teased, nodding behind them. Michael had just started to drive away from the school but they were still within sight. Dean rolled his eyes.

“I could take them,” he joked.

“Of course you could,” Anna rolled her eyes.

“Luci’s been arrest for assault before,” Gabriel informed Dean whose eyes widened. “He punched one of Cassie’s therapists in the face.”

“Wow...”

Castiel was staring intently at Dean’s bag and he looked at him with an amused smile. “Easy there, I brought it. Don’t panic.”

Castiel glanced up at him, a small smile playing at his lips.

“We’ll go to the courtyard where it’s quiet at lunch... I mean, if that’s okay with those two...” Dean glanced at Anna and Gabriel who both nodded.

“Mind if we join?” Anna asked teasingly. This she had to see.

Dean flushed and tried to respond when Castiel shook his head adamantly. Anna looked at him surprise.

“You don’t want us to come too?” She sounded hurt as Castiel shook his head again. “Well... okay...” Anna looked at Gabriel with wide, shocked eyes before the warning bell sounded and they all started to make their way inside.

They dropped Castiel off at his class and then Dean wandered in the direction of his own.

“That was weird,” Anna murmured, looking at Gabriel.

“Maybe it’s like their thing,” Gabriel shrugged. “You know. Maybe Cassie feels like he finally has something he doesn’t need us to supervise. Come on, we can trust Dean.”

“No but... since when doesn’t he need us around?” Anna blinked sadly and looked at the ground. Gabriel laughed and hugged her quickly.

“Of course he needs us around but... maybe we should give him some breathing room. Let’s let him have this. Okay?”

Anna sighed and nodded. Gabriel squeezed her shoulders once more before sending her on her way to class, then heading to his own.

Gabriel didn’t think about the leather jacket Michael had asked him to look into until just before lunch when he took his seat beside Dean, noticing something was different. Gabriel tilted his head, trying to figure it out.

“Whoa,” Dean said, grinning at him.

“What?”

“You and Cas have the same deep thinking expression,” Dean explained. “I’m guessing he picked the head-tilt thing up from you?”

Gabriel shook his head, smiling slightly. “Really?”

“He does it exactly the same. I wonder if that’s a thing...”

“I think it might be. He has looked to us all his life to figure out how to behave and react.”

Dean smiled. “Anyway, why were you looking at me like that? You aren’t pissed about this morning. You can tag along if you want, I don’t think Cas would throw a fit.”

Gabriel bit his lip as Dean winced – they both knew that was actually a very real possibility.

“I’m not mad or hurt. I’m glad he feels safe enough to be around you without us. It’s a big step for him,” Gabriel smiled, hoping Dean understood how much he appreciated his very presence. Nobody had ever done for Castiel what Dean did for him. “I was just thinking that there’s something different about you today. Something’s missing.”

Dean raised his eyebrows and shrugged, turning to his work as the class was called to order.

* * *

It was when Dean was waving goodbye from his car while Gabriel took the passenger seat of Michael and Lucifer’s car that he realised.

Dean’s leather jacket was missing.

In fact he wasn’t wearing it the other afternoon when he walked Castiel to the car with Lucifer. Gabriel would bet anything it was Dean’s jacket that had a new home in Castiel’s room.

“How was school?” Lucifer asked cheerfully as his siblings buckled up. He also waved to Dean and his younger brother before following another car out of the parking lot.

“Good,” Anna replied. “Jo actually missed me. It’s nice to know she’s not just hanging out with us because Dean is.”

Gabriel shot her a smile in the rear-view mirror, pleased he wasn’t the only one with a good friend.

“Though... her brother keeps making passes at me. I’m not sure how I feel about that,” Anna ponders and Gabriel bursts out laughing. Ash is one of the most harmless guys he knows. He’s positive that if Anna expressed true discomfort with anything he said to her, he’d stop immediately.

“Just tell him to back off,” Gabriel suggested.

“Or I could,” Lucifer added with an evil grin.

“Uh... no thank you,” Anna teased. “I’d rather not scare off one of our few friends.”

Lucifer chuckled. “If he keeps making passes, you won’t be stopping me. Not one single boy at that school is good enough for you. Or you for that matter.” He looked at Gabriel with a wink who rolled his eyes.

“Passes about my sexuality are not allowed, remember?”

“You mean your lack of sexuality.”

“Pansexual is not sexually lacking – it’s personality-driven attraction thank you, very much.”

Lucifer winked at him. “I still say you’re just greedy... or easy.”

“Luci!” Anna said, shocked.

“Hey, I’m joking. I know my ickle Gabe isn’t easy – extremely picky maybe.”

“Well neither Anna, nor I, have ever really had the chance at a proper relationship since people are either douche bags or you scare them away,” Gabriel commented, glittering eyes showing that he was still joking.

“Like I said, nobody’s good enough for my baby brother and sister. You either Cassie, understand?” Lucifer called. “You’re too precious for any of those small-town hicks, got it?”

Castiel blinked at the back of Lucifer’s head, confused. He looked at Anna for an explanation but she just smothered her giggles and waved her hand in a motion that over the years had come to mean their older brother was being an idiot and that Castiel shouldn’t worry. They weren’t sure if he really got it but he usually relaxed when laughter and smiles showed nothing serious was happening.

When they got home Gabriel was feeling happy because it was one of the rare nights where none of them had any commitments and so they had hot chocolate and homemade cookies together before separating for Anna and Gabriel to do their homework until it was time for the four eldest to cook dinner together.

Sometimes Castiel would sit in the kitchen and watch his siblings interact but today he chose to retreat into the den and play the piano, the soft music floating into the kitchen for the others to enjoy as they started making lasagne – vegetarian since Anna was going through a phase and her brothers were more than willing to oblige, though Lucifer stoutly declared there would still be bacon at breakfast and Anna would just have to fend for herself.

“Ew, what is that Michael?” Gabriel frowned, wrinkling his nose at some of the vegetables being prepared.

“That is spinach and those are lentils, whichever you were referring to,” Michael replied absently.

“Do we have to eat them?”

Michael pulled some carrots towards him as Lucifer grabbed the eggplant. Anna was busy preparing the cheese sauce while Gabriel worked on the tomato and onion sauce for the vegatables.

“Yes. They’re high in iron. Since Anna is choosing to forgo meat then she has to eat them. Vegetarianism is actually a bad idea for teenage girls considering how their bodies are still developing and menstruating regularly.”

“Michael!” Gabriel shouted, covering his ears. “LA LA LA! I don’t want to hear about that!”

Anna giggled. “Actually, Michael, if you balance it right and take iron supplements it’s fine.”

“Humans are meant to eat meat, Anna darling,” Lucifer teased. “Besides, you’ll get over this when you miss start to miss bacon sandwiches when the weather starts to really cool down.”

“I think it’s why you got sick,” Gabriel added. “Not enough protein.”

Anna poked her tongue out at Gabriel who went to retaliate before Michael spoke, diverting the argument and starting a new topic.

“So, Gabriel, did you solve the mystery behind Castiel’s jacket?” he wondered, continuing to chop vegetables even as he looked over at Gabriel. Gabriel went to answer, Michael waiting eagerly when Lucifer interrupted.

“You mean the leather one? He was wearing it when I got him from school the other day, wasn’t he Gabe?” he shrugged, stirring the pasta sauce that Gabriel has basically abandoned without looking at the others.

“Do you know who gave it to him?” Michael demanded. His siblings were unsure why he was so obsessed with the jacket but they had long given up trying to understand how his mind worked when it came to his baby brother.

“Mmm... no,” Lucifer murmured then looked up. “Actually, it might have been the Winchester kid. He was with Cassie when I went to get him – they were reading Harry Potter in the library, it was cute. He told me Cassie had some trouble but was okay.”

“Trouble?” Anna asked as Michael’s jaw dropped.

“What kind of trouble? Why didn’t you mention this?” he demanded of his twin, eyes flashing as he probably swore vengeance internally on anyone who hurt Castiel.

“Because you react like this. I looked him over and asked him if he was hurt but he was fine. Seemed really... calm. If what you said about the jacket this morning is true then I understand. Dean must have taken care of him and given him the jacket. Castiel is associating it with safety.” Lucifer smiled.

“Dean’s your friend right?” Michael asked Gabriel who nodded. “What’s he like?”

“Well, his friends are mostly a bunch of pricks and he likes to act tough but he’s a big softy. All you gotta do is get his little bro to flash those big doe eyes of his and Dean’s likely to do anything,” Gabriel smiled. “He’s a decent guy about eighty percent of the time.”

Michael frowned contemplatively. “Right. Regardless, don’t let him near Castiel unsupervised until I’ve met him properly.”

“But... Michael, you should see the way Cassie gets with him. He actually gets excited to see Dean. I’ve never seen him react to somebody like that.”

Michael looked sceptical but Anna added her own assessment.

“I think Lucifer’s right, Dean makes Castiel feel safe,” she said gently. “Dean talks to him like he’s any other person. I think that makes him feel happy and normal.”

Michael hesitated but then sighed. “Fine. But I want to meet him anyway.”

* * *

Across town at the Winchester’s their dinner was going pretty differently. Sam and Dean were happy to find their dad was home for dinner for a change and had brought them Thai food and rented some movies so they could catch up.

Dean was distracted, surreptitiously flicking through a pamphlet on autism that wasn’t telling him anything but it was all he had. Both the school and public libraries had been very poorly stocked on the subject so a pamphlet from the health clinic was as good as it got. He’d have to go somewhere bigger for books on autism he supposed.

“So, what’s been happening at school boys?” John Winchester asked. “No fighting I hope Dean?”

“Maybe a little,” Dean answered absently. “But the fuckers deserved it.”

John raised his eyebrows. “And just who are we talking about?”

“Gordon and Azazel, would have been Crowley and Alistair too had I gotten my hands on them,” Den muttered darkly, folding the pamphlet and hiding it before his brother or dad could see what it was about. That was be so embarrassing to explain.

“And why exactly did your _friends_ deserve it?”

“They’re not my friends,” Dean scowled, turning his attention to the television and praying Sam would start telling their dad all about his perfect marks and perfect classes and maybe start praising Gabriel for simply walking this very earth.

John appeared confused and as though he wasn’t about to drop the subject.

“Dean has a... special friend,” Sam explained and Dean glared at him.

“Really, Sam?” he asked. “Special?”

“Well... it’s different from all of your other friendships,” Sam shrugged.

“A special friend? You mean like a girlfriend? I thought you didn’t do ‘the girlfriend thing’?” John wondered.

Dean shook his head. “His name is Castiel and he has autism.”

“Oh, the Novak boy. Ellen told me about him,” John nodded. “She said you guys were friends. What happened?”

Dean hesitated before telling his dad about the hallway incident and then the other afternoon. John went from confused, to shocked, then to a kind of furious pride at the end of the story.

“Good,” John huffed. Dean’s eyes widened.

“What?”

“Like you said, they deserved it. Why didn’t you tell his brother exactly what happened?”

“Lucifer’s a little scary – kind of lives up to his name, right? – I was a little worried about what he might actually do to them,” Dean explained. “And besides, Cas seem okay and it’s not like I’m ever going to leave him alone for long enough for them to get to him.”

John nodded.

“Why... uh, why aren’t you-“

“Acting like you’re some kind of hero instead of a good friend?” John chuckled. “I served with a man in the marines. He had an autistic daughter. She was five and he missed her first words while we were serving. Even though he’d missed them he got a video and he cried for so long. I didn’t quite understand until he explained. I’d never really considered my views on mental illness but I realised then that it didn’t matter – they are just like the rest of us, they still have people who love them and they still feel. You’ve done the right thing Dean.”

Sam beamed at Dean proudly and Dean just leant back on the couch.

“Dean... by the way... have you seen my Harry Potter books?” Sam wondered.

Dean feigned falling asleep.


	8. Music is Magic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time skip of one month. This puts us late October/Early November for the next few chapters.

Dean discovered a month later – when he was held back for detention – that Castiel could play the piano. And damn he could play well. He was heading down the hall to the exit so he could leave when he heard piano notes drifting through the halls and a voice proclaiming “Perfect, Castiel!”

Dean halted in his steps and listened as the teacher informed him that would be the end of his lesson but the music didn’t stop, the song simply changed into a different one. Dean headed towards the music room where after school lessons were held and he leant in the doorway to observe as the teacher packed up, checking her watching and looking at Castiel.

She looked around and saw Dean who smiled and beckoned to her, not wanting to disrupt Castiel by alerting him to his presence.

“I’ll wait with him for his family to get him,” Dean assured her. “You can go if you have somewhere to be.”

“Thank you,” she smiled and headed off. Dean frowned a little – she hadn’t even asked who he was – before shrugging it off and concentrating on the music. The song Castiel was playing was mournful and low but at the same time beautiful. Dean knew it must have some meaning to Castiel since there wasn’t even any sheet music in front of him so he knew it by heart. He approached slowly, not wanting to startle the boy.

He had been friends with Castiel for a month and half now but he had no idea that he played music. Dean had been introduced to Michael and Lucifer properly in this time both of whom intimidated him. He and Castiel had also moved onto the third Harry Potter book and Castiel was still rapt by the story. Dean had learnt his subtle reactions for when he was excited, amused, happy, sad, angry and confused by the story. He was enjoying Castiel’s reactions to it almost as much as he was enjoying rereading the series.

But why had nobody told him how amazing he was at making music? He looked so at peace. Calm. It was... it was _beautiful_ , Dean realised, watching as Castiel’s eyes shut as he moved on to a more complicated section of the song.

Dean sat down on the bench, leaving enough room between he and the youngest Novak so that he wouldn’t freak out. He learnt his lesson last time. Castiel didn’t event react, his fingers never faltered as they danced across the piano keys. Dean watched them for a moment and then got a tiny smirk as he reached out and pressed a key.

Castiel froze immediately, hands hovering above the ivory. He didn’t look at Dean but he didn’t continue playing either. So Dean pressed another key. And another. Making up a ridiculous and disjointed melody that was really, truly awful. He just kept going until he got the shock of his life when a pair of hands caught his and stopped him.

Dean looked at Castiel in wonder but the boy didn’t return the stare. Instead he gently placed Dean’s hands over the keys and then returned his own. He pressed a key and then waited. It took the older boy a moment to realise Castiel was waiting for him to copy so he pressed the key on his half of the piano that corresponded with Castiel’s.

Castiel pressed another two notes and Dean copied him.

Then they started again, adding two more notes this time before going back to the start. By this point Dean realised he was being taught how to play the song Castiel had been playing when he’d interrupted. He was at the higher end though so his melody wove beautifully through Castiel’s, taking away the mournful edge Dean had been worried about when he’d first heard the music.

He continued following the younger boy’s lead even as he floundered, marvelling over the fact that Castiel had touched him willingly. Castiel, whose siblings couldn’t even hug him without him screaming and crying, had chosen to take Dean’s hands to stop him ruining music forever.

Dean eventually started grinning as he got the hang of the song and they played it all the way through together. Twice.

Then Castiel withdrew his hands and placed them in his lap, beginning to twirl his fingers, staring down at them as if they held all the answers to the world.

“Cas?” Dean said gently, not moving and trying very hard not to startle the boy. “Uh... thank you.”

He waited a moment and then Castiel finally looked at him, just a very quick flash of azure eyes, before hesitantly reaching over and patting his hands where they still remained on the piano keys. Dean stared at the hand on top of his. That made twice.

A gasp broke the silence, showing they weren’t the only shocked ones – the gasp itself breaking into the bubble that had formed around them as they played and frightening Castiel causing him to leap to his feet and back away, shaking his head.

“Cassie, Cassie, I’m sorry!” Gabriel approached warily. “It’s just me. I didn’t mean to frighten you. It’s just Gabe, Cassie, no need to be scared. It’s me. It’s your big bro.”

Dean watched as Castiel calmed down, picking up his bag and waiting motionlessly for instruction to leave.

Gabriel watched him for a moment to be sure he was okay before looking at Dean with wide honey eyes.

“He touched you,” Gabriel whispered. “I mean, I didn’t come in because I could see you two playing the piano but... he touched you...”

“That wasn’t the first time,” Dean responded. “He put my hands on the right keys before he started teaching me.”

Gabriel’s eyes widened further and he went to speak but they were interrupted by the entrance of Lucifer who was looking down at a sheet of paper.

“Seriously Gabe? Does it take this long to grab Castiel? Or is he still...?” Lucifer trailed off when he noticed the stunned silence in the room. “What’s wrong? Is he okay?” Lucifer turned almost frantic eyes onto Castiel who remained where he was, calm and unharmed. He seemed relieved.

“Luci... Cassie touched Dean,” Gabriel whispered. “I took a while because they were in here playing the piano together but... then Cassie touched Dean’s hands when they finished. I... I just... I mean the playing is new too so that’s why I didn’t interrupt... he never let us sit with him while he played.” Gabriel was still staring at Dean as he spoke. “Who are you?”

Dean laughed. “Just Dean Winchester... I dunno... I guess I’m just incredibly persistent.”

“But...” Lucifer shook his head slowly. “Wait until I tell Michael. This is amazing. I can’t believe he initiated contact with someone. I can’t believe he communicated with somebody.” He was pulling out his phone, dialling his brother even as he spoke and Gabriel suddenly laughed and brushed a hand under his eyes.

Dean pretended not to notice, looking over at Castiel who was, in a rare display, paying complete attention. He was looking at Gabriel specifically, following the movement of his hand drying tears. Castiel approached his brother and stood there. He didn’t touch Gabriel but he studied him closely, gaze questioning. It was clear what he was wondering.

“Oh, I’m not sad, Cassie,” Gabriel said reassuringly. “I’m happy. I’m just... I’m so happy. Does... do you like Dean that much, Cassie? Does he make you feel safe enough to... touch?”

Castiel hesitated and then nodded, looking back at his hands.

Dean felt his heart swell.

“Well, then you can spend as much time as you want with him. None of us will stop you.” Gabriel looked at Dean, eyes teary again. The older teen wanted to say something but he found himself choked up and then he found himself crushed in Lucifer’s arms.

“That’s from Michael,” Lucifer explained. “He wants you to come over for dinner. You’re not allowed to say no.”

“Okay, let me call Sammy then so he knows where I am,” Dean grunted. “You’re heavy, get off me Luce.”

Lucifer chuckled before planting a wet, loud kiss on Dean’s temple that made Castiel look up again, confusion etched over his features. Dean met his eyes and smiled at him, prompting Castiel to drop his gaze but his facial muscles twitched... almost as if he wanted to smile back. He almost seemed... bashful.

Dean wondered what it was about the Novaks when he stepped through the front door to find himself crushed into another hug, this time from Anna. Michael kept a polite distance but his eyes were wide as he looked over Castiel before turning his gaze to Dean who was trying to breathe from the cage of Anna’s and now Lucifer’s arms – the older Novak had decided he liked trying to crush Dean’s ribcage. From the few times Dean had met Michael he knew he was reserved which was why his hug came through Lucifer, though Dean had his doubts that Michael had even really wanted to hug him and that it was all his twin brother.

“Okay,” Michael said, his voice coming out slightly croaky. He cleared his throat, sending a dark look at Gabriel who was snickering. “Okay, what’s going to be for dinner tonight, everyone? Dean, what’s your favourite dish?”

Dean blinked in surprise, floundering.

“Dean likes burgers,” Gabriel offered helpfully. “We have that mincemeat defrosting.”

Anna pulled a face and Michael smiled warmly, stroking a hand over her hair. “You can help me make some veggie patties for you. As for the rest of you, wash up and we’ll get to work on burgers for tonight. Dean, would you mind taking Castiel up to his room, he has an after school routine.”

Dean nodded numbly watching as everyone went off. He hadn’t been to the Novak house so he had no idea that they all so easily deferred to Michael or that they worked together so seamlessly. It made him a little envious to think that it was usually just him and Sam since John went away on business. Or when Ellen, Jo, Ash and Bobby came over it was practically pandemonium. The harmony in this house was incredible.

Castiel was watching him curiously.

“Okay Cas, show me where your room is. And hey, I’ve got _Prisoner of Azkaban_ in my bag. Maybe Michael will let us read some more after dinner,” Dean said with a grin. Castiel smiled at him excitedly and started walking towards the stairs, pausing a few steps later waiting for Dean to follow him.

Dean followed Castiel into his sizable room and looked around in interest. Everything was neat and orderly as he’d expected, to help Castiel feel comfortable and in control, Gabriel had explained. Routine is important, it lets autistic people feel like they have some control in a world that is so big and confusing for most of them.

Castiel wandered around putting things away and going into his bathroom to wash his face and hands, rubbing soap onto his hands with exactly five twists of his hands together. Dean smiled, endeared as usual by everything the younger boy did, how he functioned so well.

Dean wandered over to his bed as Castiel came out of the bathroom, looking more relaxed than he did during the school day. Dean smiled at him until something caught his eye and he grinned.

“Hey, I recognise this!” Dean chuckled, picking up his leather jacket from Castiel’s bed, looking at the boy to find his eyes trained on the jacket, looking terrified. Dean hesitated. The jacket had been a gift from his dad and he missed it a little, as silly as that sounded, but looking at Castiel now, how afraid he appeared at the idea of Dean taking it away... “Hey come ‘ere.”

Castiel approached warily and Dean instructed him to hold his arms out. He slipped the jacket on, careful not to touch Castiel and then straightened the collar.

“I think this looks better on you,” Dean hummed thoughtfully. “You should keep it.”

Castiel’s eyes lit up and he pulled the jacket closer around him, snuggling into its warmth and inhaling deeply. Dean blushed a little when he realised Castiel was smelling the jacket, taking in remnants of Dean’s own scent. Castiel opened his eyes, peeking at Dean shyly with a blush colouring his cheeks, after he realised what he doing in front of Dean.

It was flattering, to say the least, and also incredible that Castiel could be this attached to him. No wonder Michael seemed ready to chain him up so he couldn’t ever leave the house. If he could keep Castiel like this, stop him from freaking out and make him smile a little more... he would be willing to allow Michael to kidnap him. Anything to keep those deep blue eyes sparkling like that.

Castiel gently took Dean’s hand and gave his fingers a tiny squeeze before letting go very quickly. His wordless version of ‘thank you’. It was going to take a very long time to get used to even the brush of Castiel’s fingertips if he managed to keep up enough courage to continue touching Dean. And he really, really hoped that he did.

“Don’t mention it,” Dean huffed gruffly. “Now, what say we watch some movies? Gabe said you like Disney movies?”

Castiel’s eyes lit up again and he led Dean downstairs to the living room, going to the shelf and selecting the movie he wanted to watch. Dean hoped Michael would be okay with this – Lucifer walking by the den and nodding as Dean met his eyes assured him that this was allowed. Castiel had settled on the loveseat and Dean considered taking the recliner until Castiel looked at him somewhat pleadingly. Dean joined him, leaving a large enough gap between them that Castiel wouldn’t feel stifled yet close enough that they were watching the movie companionably. Castiel looked pleased so Dean knew he’d done the right thing.

Dean had never been so attuned to someone’s needs before, he knew he had to let the younger boy call the shots and that was hard for someone who liked being in control. However it was stranger that he just automatically knew – he knew how much space to keep between them, he knew when to speak and what to say, he knew when to keep quiet or move away. He just knew, without any prompting, what Castiel needed from him.

He wasn’t even that attuned to Sam.

The credits had just started rolling when Gabriel called for them to come join the rest of them for dinner. Castiel’s siblings had left the chair opposite his for Dean to sit which happened to be right between Michael and Lucifer. He wasn’t how he felt about this turn of events. But it ended up being fun... until Michael asked the taboo question.

“Where have you applied for college?” he asked casually, sipping at his wine. Dean froze a little and cleared his throat.

“Uh... nowhere,” he mumbled.

Everyone except Gabriel and Castiel stared at him. Gabriel because he already knew this and Castiel because he was too busy layering extra cheese on his second burger. Dean took a large gulp of soda to calm himself before meeting Michael’s gaze, hoping it wasn’t judgemental. It was surprised but definitely not judging.

“Do you mind me asking why?” he asked softly, as if worried about offending the boy, almost man, who was so important to his younger brother.

Dean shrugged, looking down at his plate. “Sammy’s the smart one. Not me.”

Michael exchanged a glance with Lucifer who shrugged before looking meaningfully at Gabriel. Dean missed all of this but he definitely didn’t miss the little huff that had them all turning to stare at Castiel who was – in an act that shocked them all – glaring at Michael.

“Oops,” Anna laughed.

“Don’t upset Dean, Mikey,” Gabriel teased. “You should apologise.”

Michael looked sheepish but Dean just shrugged, smiling amusedly at the fact that now Castiel was protective of him. Who would have guessed?

“My apologies Dean, I didn’t mean to pry,” Michael said sincerely. Dean smiled and nodded, looking over at Castiel.

“Hey, Cas, it’s okay. Why don’t you go grab the book from my bag, I left it in the hall with my shoes? I mean... if that okay with you.” Dean looked at Michael who seemed confused.

“Book?”

“Dean’s been reading Harry Potter to Cassie,” Anna explained. “But Cas won’t let us join in.”

Castiel glared at Anna too now.

“I think that’s the nickname,” Lucifer guessed. “Cas?”

Now he was being glared at.

“Cassie,” Lucifer corrected and his brother was appeased. Dean was in a bit of shock.

Even more so when Michael suddenly burst into almost hysterical laughter.

“Um...” Lucifer looked concerned. “Take Cassie into the den, Dean. I’ll... deal with my brother on the brink of insanity.”

Dean nodded numbly and Castiel jumped up excitedly to retrieve the book before going into the den and curling up in a soft arm chair and hold the book out Dean as he took the one opposite.

“Okay... where we were?” he muttered absently as he continued to worry about Michael. He found his page and started to read. They were interrupted a few minutes in when Michael, now calm and with a smile on his face brought them apple pie and ice cream.

“Gabriel said it’s your favourite,” he commented. “Don’t let me interrupt.”

Castiel smiled at Michael, one of the bright ones he gave Dean when he produced the book they were reading each day. Michael stared at him before returning it slowly. Castiel nodded before turning his big, blue eyes back onto Dean expectantly.

“Okay,” Dean smiled. “Let’s see. _The trip to Hagrid’s, though far from fun..._ ”

They continued for a while, Castiel moving closer to the edge of his seat as the time increased, his eyes trained on Dean’s face as he read, watching his expression closely. Dean smiled at him shyly before continuing. Castiel’s growing affection with him was... confusing in some ways but mostly it filled him with an immense warmth he’d never felt before and wasn’t sure how to interpret. All he knew was that today was one of the best days he’d ever had and he couldn’t wait to go home and tell Sam every detail.

Castiel looked up suddenly and it took Dean a moment to notice. He paused mid-sentence when he noticed Castiel’s attention elsewhere. Michael was leaning in the doorway to the den looking rather teary which he tried to cover up by gruffly instructing Castiel to get ready for bed and then come down to say goodbye to Dean as it was getting late.

Castiel obeyed though he looked very unhappy about it.

Dean marked the page and slid the book back into his bag as Michael came and took Castiel’s chair.

“Thank you for everything,” Dean said. “You didn’t have to go to all that trouble.”

“Oh yes, I did,” Michael disagreed. He rubbed an eye, looking embarrassed. “Forgive me, I just never thought I’d see the day when my little brother would actually smile at me like he did tonight. You’re healing him, Dean. I can never thank you enough.”

Dean frowned. “Cas isn’t sick.” He was surprised by his own tone but Michael just laughed, shaking his head.

“I am very glad he met you. And yes, I know he isn’t sick. And _you_ knowing that is even more important so when I use the word ‘heal’ I don’t mean that he’s sick. I think that word has a lot of connotations that can be applied to it. And even if we know he isn’t sick, we still know that he needs our help.”

Michael twisted his fingers together, looking sideways as he thought. “There’s nothing _wrong_ with Castiel, not at all, it’s just that the way he views the world is so different to the way almost everybody else does that he needs us to help him. He doesn’t understand people on the same level that we do and so they confuse him and that confusion leads to fear which leads to him retreating which leads to the way people treat him which confuses him even more and the cycle just continues.”

Michael let out a breath as Dean nodded slowly.

“I think I get it.”

Michael smiled. “He needs someone to help him understand people, to understand that he doesn’t have to be afraid and a friendly touch isn’t going to hurt him so he doesn’t need to be distressed by it. _You’re the one_ who’s doing that for him, Dean. Nobody else has ever been able to. You’re helping him feel like he doesn’t have to burrow away from the rest of the world.”

“I have no idea what I’m doing,” Dean said with a half-laugh, a crease appearing between his eyebrows.

Michael smirked a little. “None of us do. But if it really does bother you that you don’t know very much about autism, there are such things as books Dean.”

“Oh, ha, ha,” Dean rolled his eyes. He got up and started to get ready to leave, surprised when Michael clapped a hand on his shoulder to lead him to the door. The others shouted their goodbyes from upstairs where they’d each retreated after washing up the dinner things.

Castiel came down the stairs and stopped at Michael’s side when Dean turned at the door.

“Thank you, again, Dean,” Michael said softly. “You’re welcome here any time.”

“Same back to you guys, anytime you want to show my dad how to cook you’re welcome to,” Dean chuckled.

Michael laughed. Dean looked down at Castiel who tentatively held his hand out. Dean hesitated before gently brushing the tips of their fingers together, wary about anything more in case it was too much too fast. Castiel smiled and withdrew his hand slowly so Dean knew he’d done the right thing.

A touch of the fingertips was the limit right now and he could definitely work with that.

Michael was teary again but smiling as he squeezed Dean’s shoulder.

“Take care,” he said.

“Sure. See you later. And I’ll see you on Monday morning,” Dean said, winking at Castiel who nodded. With that he left the Novak house, a definite spring in his step and a plan for his Saturday morning.


	9. Expert

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I'm so worried about your reactions to this chapter. The last section is written in Cas's mind so... I didn't want to do it because I am so worried that it didn't come out right. Right now I'm okay with it, it's innocent and sweet and I'm hoping it comes across properly.
> 
> Just a note, Cas thinks about Disney movies in this. I just want to make it clear that I didn't pick Disney movies to be Cas's favourite because he's somehow childish or mentally inferior, I picked them because Disney movies are simple: good vs bad and good always wins, the prince always picks the right person to fall in love with, and everyone lives happily ever after. For Cas these movies aren't confusing like the rest of the world so he likes them. It's very similar to his view of the world: some people are good, some people are bad and good _should_ triumph even though in the real world it doesn't always do so.
> 
> Okay, so let me know what you thought of Cas's section. I wanted it to be distinctive because of the way his mind works but I also wanted it to be understandable and not confusing to go with the rest of the prose. So concrit is very welcome.
> 
> Thank you all so much for your gorgeous comments, you're wonderful! Enjoy!

Lucifer waited until he heard the piano start up in the den so that he knew Castiel couldn’t hear them before he and Michael turned to Gabriel with identical looks of seriousness. Gabriel always marvelled over how fraternal twins who were so very different in personality could pull exactly the same expressions.

“Dean and college,” Michael clarified. “Speak.”

“I keep telling you, Mikey, I’m not a dog,” Gabriel teased. “You could try speaking in full sentences. I know it’s hard when you get all serious but it would be very helpful.”

Michael pinched the bridge of his nose before smiling slightly. His mood was still quite high from the previous night.

“Please, explain to us why Dean isn’t going to go to college,” Michael requested.

“First, why are you interested?” Gabriel quirked an eyebrow suspiciously. If Michael was going to be all degree-snobbish and insist that Castiel only be acquainted with someone qualified to do _something_ he was going to be severely disappointed in his brother for the first time in his life.

“We’re concerned,” Lucifer jumped in. “Dean seems like a bright kid. With everything he’s doing for Cassie he’s important to us and we don’t want to think of him wasting his life away in the same small town for the rest of his life for some ridiculous reason.”

“Such as?”

“Him believing he’s not good enough – which is the vibe he gave us last night,” Michael explained.

“I think that’s basically it. Deano’s father is always praising Sam’s brain and talking about how he’ll make something of himself at college and so on,” Gabriel explained. “Sam told me all this, not Dean. But apparently John pretty much treats Dean as if he’s going to spend his entire life here in Lawrence working at their Uncle Bobby’s scrap yard and garage. Dean loves working with cars but... it’s not fair for John to act as if he’s not worth something more than never leaving here.”

“I thought that might be the case.” Michael leant back in his chair, frowning thoughtfully.

“What exactly are you going to do?” Gabriel wondered.

“You leave that to us. Go do your homework,” Lucifer responded. Gabriel grumbled but did as he was told.

“Lucifer,” Michael said frowning deeper.

“What?” Lucifer turned to his brother, raising his eyebrows at his current expression.

“When did we become a married couple?”

Lucifer met Michael’s eyes before slumping in his seat as he laughed so hard he had trouble breathing and Michael rolled his eyes before rubbing his back.

* * *

Dean folded the sheet of paper with his directions on it before slipping it in his pocket. He grabbed his wallet and keys, creeping downstairs and praying Sam was in his room so he wouldn’t have to make up a lie about what he was doing today. He was just... incredibly embarrassed about what Sam would say or do if Dean told him where he was going. Worst of all he might want to come too and this was something Dean wanted to do alone.

Unfortunately Sam was watching TV as he did his homework so Dean sighed and tried to walk past casually, hoping he was too consumed with what he was doing to notice.

But, of course, he could never catch a break.

“Where are you going?” Sam asked, looking over the back of the couch.

“Out,” Dean replied simply, avoiding his eyes.

“With who?” Sam wondered curiously.

“Uh... Lisa,” Dean said quickly, the first girl that popped into his head being his answer. He then inwardly swore. Now Sam was likely to pester him when he got back and ask too many questions that he wouldn’t have answers to.

“Really? I thought you weren’t interested.”

Dean put on his best cocky smirk. “Dude, she’s female and has two legs and proper breasts. Of course I’m interested.”

“Gross, Dean, stop being so misogynistic.”

“Bitch.”

“Jerk.”

Dean opened the door to hear Sam shout “use a condom!”

He shook his head with a vague smile before getting in his car and making the one and a half hour drive to Kansas State University. He stopped a passing sorority girl to ask for directions to the library which she gave him along with her phone number. Dean was mildly concerned that he had zero interest in her – she was gorgeous, long legs and red hair – but his focus was solely on his day’s task.

He walked into the large building and immediately balked at the sheer amount of books in front of him. How the hell was he supposed to find anything in here?

“Hi, you look a little lost,” an amused voice said. Dean looked around at a pretty, blonde woman who looked somewhat familiar though he couldn’t place her in his mind.

“Yeah... I uh...” He gestured weakly at the shelves.

“Well, what are you looking for?” the woman asked kindly. “I’ve been here for six years, I’m sure I can help.”

Dean felt relieved. “Autism.”

The woman raised her eyebrows. “It’s your lucky day, kid. I’m a psych grad student. Autism is going to be my specialty once I’ve got my doctorate.”

Dean laughed. “I guess it is.”

“Come with me. I’m Rachel by the way.”

“Dean.”

Rachel smiled and led Dean around the library. They went to two sections, one marked B and one marked RC. They went to RC first where Rachel only grabbed two booked before taking him to the B section.

“We use the Library of Congress cataloguing system as it allows for more specificity for subjects. B is psychology and RC is in medicine and health, specifically conditions such as autism. The better stuff is here in psychology. This shelf is for antisocial disorders.”

She stopped and ran her fingers over a couple of rows of books and looked at Dean who still felt a little overwhelmed.

“I can still help if you want,” she offered with a little giggle.

“Could you? My brother’s the nerdy one but there was no way I was going to bring him,” Dean replied softly.

Rachel tilted her head. “Why’s that? If he could have helped...”

“He’d know right away why I was doing this and then he’d want to _talk_.” Dean scowled. “So... I want to know about what causes it and how to communicate with someone who’s got it.”

“Okay... well, it’s mainly a mystery of what precisely causes it,” Rachel explained as she scanned the spines. “Neuropsychologists are looking at certain aspects in the structure of the brains of autistic people.”

“Wow, you are a psych student,” Dean chuckled. Rachel smiled and handed him a book. Dean flicked through pages as she continued.

“And as for communicating... it depends what form of autism someone has and how severe. Sometimes there’s very little you can do to communicate with them. Do you know what kind this person has?”

Dean blushed a little. “Who says I know someone? Maybe I’m just interested.”

“Whatever.” Rachel shook her head as she chose a few more books. “I’m studying it because my cousin is severely autistic. It’s hard for his family. So hard.”

Dean thought of the Novaks and nodded sympathetically. “I’ve seen that.”

Rachel shot him a small smile. “So... will that be okay for now? There are study desks over there. I’m there now so if you come over and have more questions I’d be happy to answer them.”

Dean nodded and thanked her as she led him over. He sat at the desk opposite her and opened the first book to start reading. He became frustrated almost instantly when it became clear the book was filled with words only psychologists would understand. He closed it and tried the next one which was a lot easier to understand but was focusing on mainly Aspergers and, after reading the symptoms and a brief discussion of behaviour, he was pretty sure Cas didn’t have that.

He groaned and picked up the third one.

Rachel was looking at him now.

“Problem?” she asked. Dean looked over at her and then paused as he went to speak. He leant over and tugged a printed sheet of paper from her book the read the name on top.

“Rachel Novak?” he wondered, looking up at her in amazement. “Your autistic cousin is Cas.”

Rachel blinked in surprise. “You know Castiel?”

“I’m from Lawrence. Gabe, Anna and Cas go to my school.” Dean smiled. “I understand why you’re studying it. They’ve had some bad luck.”

Rachel shook her head in amazement. “Cas... I’ve never heard him called that. We all call him Cassie – except Michael. Me, Balthazar and Samandriel have always been close with our cousins.”

“More angel names,” Dean rolled his eyes playfully. “Hey if you have the same name does that mean your fathers...?”

“Yeah. Our dad was furious with his brother for walking out on his family. They don’t talk anymore but Dad makes sure to check in with Michael and Luci all the time. He offered to take Cassie so they could go to college but Michael is stubborn – he said he took on the responsibility of being his guardian and he wasn’t going to hand him off to someone else. Dad’s pretty proud of him but also worried.”

Dean smiled, glad they had some family who they could rely on in tough times.

“So... even though you don’t like to _talk_ , is all this because of Cassie?” Rachel wondered and Dean hesitated before nodding.

“It’s just... I want to help them out. I mean, I think he likes me – he touched me so he must – but I just wanted to-“

“He _touched_ you?!” Rachel cried. They were shushed by a stressed looking law student. She grimaced apologetically in his direction before looking back at Dean. “He’s never touched anyone voluntarily. What... how...”

“I think he was offended by my lack of musical talent.” Dean chuckled but Rachel just looked more confused so he quickly relayed the story. Her eyes widened in wonder as he spoke and then she was smiling happily.

“Dean, you are a treasure,” she sighed and Dean shifted uncomfortably. “Part of it is inexplicable – you’re right he must like you and trust you – but then there’s the fact that you caught him in his safe place. I mean, we’ve tried communicating when he’s playing and it hasn’t worked so you’re just special but-“

“Wait, safe place?”

“Yeah. It’s...” Rachel thought for a moment. “When the world becomes too much and they feel overwhelmed, autistic people have this place they go to feel safe and comfortable. For some it’s math and for others it’s art. For some it’s as simple as twiddling their thumbs. Or the most common is sitting and rocking in the foetal position – that’s one of the things that can tip a parent off that their toddler has autism. For Cassie, it’s always been music. It helps him.”

“He’s very good,” Dean mused. Hmm... perhaps he could use that. It had worked once after all. “He’s also very attached to my old leather jacket. Michael said he wears it when he’s upset.”

Rachel’s eyes widened again. He had to stop shocking these family members or they were all going to be stuck with wide open eyes for the rest of their lives.

“He seems... really attached to you. What did you do, Dean?”

Dean shrugged helplessly. “I don’t know but Michael was nearly crying the other night. If I can make their lives easier then I will. That’s why I wanted to research.”

Rachel nodded and shut off her own work before opening an internet browser and dragging the books over to help Dean, determined now that she knew he might be the only thing that could help her cousin.

By the time Dean got home that night his brain was swimming with more information than he knew it could hold and a slight new confidence, that the next time Cas had one of his panic attacks Dean would know what to do to help him. Thanks to Rachel, Dean now knew everything she did about autism and he was sure he could do this. He could handle being around Cas and helping his siblings look after him.

He went downstairs to order pizza for he and Sammy, and started telling Sam everything he’d learnt, completely forgetting the lie he’d told until he realised Sam was smirking at him.

“I knew you weren’t interested in Lisa,” he teased. “You’re not interested in any of the girls at school.”

“Done them all,” Dean shrugged, avoiding Sam’s eyes.

“You know... it’s okay to be interested in... other things,” Sam began. Dean’s head snapped up, staring at him.

“What the hell are you suggesting?” he asked darkly.

“Dean, come on, it’s okay. It’s not... wrong, or anything.” Sam wrung his hands, suddenly look very young and Dean deflated immediately.

“I’m not interested in anybody, Sammy. Now, do you want veggie or pepperoni?”

Sam frowned but answered Dean’s question and didn’t bring up his older brother’s dating life again. But Dean trod carefully around him for the rest of the weekend regardless.

* * *

Monday morning.

First day of school for the week.

English homework due.

Math problem due.

Pack books into bag.

Get dressed in Monday, option three outfit.

Michael will come to get him for breakfast in five minutes.

Make sure bed is neatly made.

Make sure Dean’s jacket is folded up.

Castiel paused in his final action when he heard Michael entering the room. He stroked his fingers reverently over the leather, refusing the urge to wrap himself up in it. If he did that too often, it would stop smelling like Dean. It wouldn’t be as comforting anymore.

Michael was saying his name.

It’s time for breakfast.

Michael’s talking again.

“...so I’m not taking you three to school today. Dean offered to give you a lift though. You don’t mind, right? Dean driving you to school?”

Castiel tilted his head, looking at Michael curiously. Michael normally didn’t like strangers taking him anywhere.

But Dean wasn’t a stranger. He had eaten dinner with them and Michael liked him.

That made Castiel happy. He had been afraid Michael wouldn’t let him have a friend. Michael seemed to think bad people were everywhere. Castiel saw bad people all the time but he also saw good people. He thought Michael mustn’t look hard enough if he couldn’t see them.

Dean was good. Very good, actually. The kindest person Castiel knew, besides Anna of course.

Sam was also good. And so were their friends Jo and Ash, though Castiel hadn’t been sure at first when he’d see Jo hit Dean on the arm. But he’d then realised it was only playing when Dean smiled. It was like the wolf cubs he watched on television. He’d been so horrified when they’d pounced on each other and bitten but then Lucifer had explained to him that it was how they showed affection.

Castiel had been confused at first, Gabriel and Lucifer showed him affection by telling him they loved him and giving him presents. Teaching him to play the piano until he’d gotten better than them and then they’d sit and listen, complimenting it. But then Lucifer had told him that wolves were different to people, they couldn’t show affection like that so they did it in different ways. Like their family. Other families hugged and kissed. But they didn’t but that was okay, because they were just different, not wrong.

Castiel nodded to Michael, trying a smile to see how he responded. He liked it when Michael got that look on his face. It was real. Not like most of the time when he was pretending and didn’t have anything written on his face. But when Castiel smiled at him, he looked real, like the Michael Castiel remembered from when he was really young.

“Good,” Michael smiled. “Come on. I’m pretty sure Lucifer made pancakes and you know Gabriel will eat them all if we don’t get our share.”

Castiel nodded and followed Michael into the kitchen, taking his usual seat and remembering how Dean had sat opposite him at dinner on Friday night. He wanted Dean to sit there every time they ate together. He liked having Dean in their house. When Dean was around everything in Castiel’s head was quiet, everything stopped spinning and nothing was confusing anymore.

Nothing was scary.

Pancakes. Butter. Jam.

Cut into pieces.

Orange juice.

He could hear Michael talking about something with Lucifer. He recognised that same word that had distressed Dean at dinner on Friday so he turned to look at his oldest brothers, frowning at them.

“It’s okay, Cassie,” Gabriel said and Castiel turned to face him instead. “Mikey and Luci are just talking, it’s nothing serious.”

Castiel frowned. He sort of knew that but that word ‘college’. He knew Raphael, their brother who wasn’t their brother, was at college. But it seemed that talking about that made Dean unhappy. He didn’t want his brothers to bring it up around him again or Dean would stop smiling and look sad.

Castiel finished his breakfast and Lucifer took his plate away when he heard the rumbling of an engine. He recognised that sound as the big, black car that Dean drove that didn’t look anything like the other cars in the parking lot. It was like Dean – so different from everybody else in the best way.

Castiel jumped up and went to the front window to look out as Dean and his brother got out of the car. Dean shoved Sam playfully as they walked up the garden path. Sam was laughing about something and Dean looked... embarrassed... that seemed like an embarrassed expression.

They rang the doorbell and Castiel scurried behind Anna as she answered the door, peering out from behind her and smiling at Dean when he stepped inside.

“Hi Cas,” Sam greeted but Castiel barely glanced at him, his focus entirely on Dean who was grinning at him in a strange way. Castiel frowned, reaching out his hand. He felt the usual wave of panic when Dean’s smile widened and he reached his hand out to meet Castiel’s but just like the first time it went away as soon as he felt Dean’s warm skin on his.

All his life he’d thought touches were all bad. But touching Dean was so different.

Castiel had been curious. In his movies the princess and the prince always touched each other. Neither of them seemed to think it was bad so Castiel had wanted to try. And just like everything else about Dean, his touch made everything better. It made Castiel feel all warm inside, like the beautiful music that played at the end of his favourite movies when the prince and princess kissed.

“Oh good,” Dean sighed with relief as Castiel’s index finger hooked over his pinky. Castiel looked up at his face and tilted his head. “I was worried you’d have gone back to how you were before.”

Castiel frowned in confusion. Why would he do that? Dean hadn’t hurt him so he knew touching him was okay. Good, even.

“Are you guys ready to go?” Dean asked, taking his eyes off Castiel and giving his fingers a gentle squeeze.

Michael and Lucifer bid them goodbye and Dean took Castiel’s bag, refusing to let him carry it so that he wouldn’t disconnect their fingers.

“Cas gets to sit in the front seat,” Dean announced just as Sam and Gabriel started bickering over which of them would get to sit there. Castiel wondered if there was something special about sitting in the front seat of Dean’s car when Sam and Gabriel both looked disappointed.

Dean opened the passenger door for Castiel who got in and looked around in awe. This was unlike any car he’d been. Castiel smiled as he stroked the leather upholstery. This car smelled like Dean’s leather jacket. Castiel could stay in here forever and be happy.

Dean noticed Castiel’s expression when he started the car and he grinned.

“She’s beautiful, ain’t she?” he said and Castiel nodded absently. Dean could hear Gabriel and Sam squabbling so he leant over and Castiel glanced at him in surprise. “Don’t tell your brothers but I promise I’ll teach you to drive her one day.”

Castiel felt a smile break over his face without his consent. Michael didn’t want to teach him to drive because he was worried. He nodded eagerly and Dean smiled, pulling into the street. Castiel looked down at Dean’s bag by his feet right beside his. It was open but Castiel couldn’t see inside. Curiosity eventually overcame his desire to respect Dean’s privacy and he toed it further open, glancing at Dean sideways, hoping he wouldn’t notice.

He could see books – including Harry Potter, Castiel hoped they could read more if it today, it was getting exciting, Harry had found out Sirius Black betrayed his parents and he wanted revenge, Castiel had a feeling there was more to the story, there always is – paper, pens. The usual school stuff. He also spotted a black beanie. It wasn’t too cold yet but Castiel reached in and pulled it out anyway, tugging it onto his head.

Dean noticed the movement and glanced over before bursting out laughing. Castiel jumped, not expecting the noise and he went to remove it beanie, worried Dean would be mad but he held a hand out, hovering by Castiel’s but not touching.

Castiel glanced at him before taking Dean’s hand.

He could feel the others in the back staring.

“Keep it on, you look... cute,” Dean chuckled. “Your hair is sticking out underneath.”

Castiel looked in the side mirror out his window and smiled. His hair was going everywhere. But... cute? What did Dean mean? Castiel knew you called baby animals cute... but why would Dean call him cute?

His confusion must have shown because Dean squeezed his hand around Castiel’s.

“It’s a compliment,” he assured him.

Gabriel snapped a picture on his phone and Castiel cast him an unhappy look.

“He’s right, Cassie, you look adorable,” Anna cooed. “Send me a copy Gabe.”

Sam was looking at where Dean was still holding Castiel’s hand on the seat between them. Castiel looked down too, examining the way Dean’s larger hand looked surrounding his. He rubbed a thumb over Castiel’s knuckles and he felt his cheeks warm slightly. He liked holding Dean’s hand. They should do this more often.

Sadly though, Dean let him go when they got to school and Castiel shrank between Dean and Gabriel. It was different now. When he was just with his family and Dean and Sam, it was easier to feel brave and touch Dean. Now it was just as scary.

He knew those bigger boys were somewhere in the school and they always looked at him in a way he didn’t like. Dean didn’t leave him alone to be cornered by them so he was usually safe but he knew that if they found him without Dean or Gabriel around... it wouldn’t be good. It would be worse than last time.

And Castiel was scared.


	10. Halloween Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so beyond sorry but I literally got halfway through this chapter and suffered a really bad case of writer's block so... I don't really like the last half of this chapter, it was a bitch to write and I apologise if it sucks. Next chapter should be better :) Anyway, I'm pretty sure I'm over my writer's block - fingers crossed ladies and gents - and should be able to churn out a few more chapters before my break ends.
> 
> Thank you so much for your patience. Enjoy! xx

“What do you mean he doesn’t like Halloween? What does he mean you don’t like Halloween?” Dean stared down at Castiel who busied himself with plopping marshmallows into his hot chocolate and pretending he wasn’t paying attention. He seemed to realise this was a big deal to Dean and he didn’t want to be involved, especially since Gabriel started it.

Sam chuckled and pushed the bowl of mini marshmallows closer to Castiel so he wasn’t leaning over the table for them. He and Dean had been coerced into joining them for afternoon tea and dinner when Lucifer decided to go all mother hen upon finding out that they’d been ordering take out for the last week since John left on another work trip. He didn’t approve even when Dean explained that they alternated between Chinese and Pizza.

Gabriel had mentioned Lisa’s Halloween party to Dean, wondering if he was going to go. Sam had piped in when Dean seemed indecisive, asking if they’d rather go group trick or treating, even if they were too old for it. That was when Gabriel dropped the bombshell.

“He used to love it, we’d take him trick or treating every year but then a few years ago some kids terrified him by jumping out from some bushes at us and now he won’t go anymore,” Gabriel explained with a shrug.

Dean turned to Castiel with a stern expression that the younger boy ignored.

“Cas, you realise they’re not going to hurt you right? They were just having fun?”

Castiel gave him a reproachful look and Dean smothered a laugh.

“Yeah, okay, I know you’re not stupid. So... why the fuss?”

Castiel shifted uncomfortably, looking into his mug and fidgeting with the sleeve of his trench coat. Dean frowned.

“Is it because of those kids a few years ago?” Dean wondered. No response. “It is because you’re scared of Gordon and the other guys?”

Castiel flinched a little but otherwise gave no response. Dean looked over at Gabriel with a frown.

“Cas, come on, look at me,” Dean said gently, inching his chair a little closer and swinging his legs around so he was facing Castiel properly. Cas turned his head slightly and met Dean’s eyes. “You don’t have to be scared of those guys, okay? I won’t let them hurt you again. I already promised, that, remember?”

Castiel nodded slowly and Dean smiled.

“So, what do you say you, me, Sammy and your brothers and Anna all go trick or treating this year?” Dean suggested.

Castiel shook his head adamantly and turned away. Dean sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“Well, you tried,” Gabriel teased. “You want some more hot chocolate, kiddo?” The question was directed at Sam who smiled at him and nodded, watching Gabriel wander into the kitchen.

Dean frowned and got up, following Gabriel.

“Hey, Gabe,” Dean said. “I need to talk to you about something.

“Mmm?” Gabriel pushed a mug towards Dean as an order for him to help. “About Cassie?”

“Nah. It’s about Sammy. Well... he kinda... I mean I think he-“

“Has a crush on me? Yeah, I noticed,” Gabriel grinned. “He’s kind of adorable about it.”

“Gabe, he’s _fourteen_ ,” Dean groaned. “You can’t-“

“Can’t what? Treat him like a kid brother like I’ve been doing? Relax, Deano. It’s just like you and Cassie, ‘kay? We’re friends, and I wouldn’t do something like that to you, god knows you’re as protective of your little brother as I am of mine. And besides it’s a _crush_. He’ll get over it. He’ll realise he doesn’t like guys and it was just that phase most everyone goes through when they’re figuring out who they are and he’ll start crushing on some pretty girl.”

Dean frowned. “And what if he doesn’t?”

“Then _you_ are going to be a good big brother and support him no matter who he might like and _I_ will let him down easy,” Gabriel explained, pouring hot milk into the mug Dean was holding and adding the chocolate for him to stir in.

“And what do you mean, just like me and Cas?” Dean muttered.

“Hmm... okay, maybe not just like. It’s definitely not something quite as special. But I mean, we’re good friends and I’m protective of him,” Gabriel mused. “My brother acts as if you’re his favourite thing in the whole world.”

“Cas or Michael?” Dean teased.

“Both.”

They laughed.

The heard the front door opening and then Michael’s voice greeting Castiel warmly in the dining room.

“Guests?” Michael said with a grin, appearing in the kitchen.

“Luci’s picking up strays,” Gabriel nodded and Dean shoved him, still chuckling.

“You and Sam are always welcome, Dean,” Michael assured him. “Have you guys all done your homework?”

“Uh...?” Gabriel looked at Dean who shrugged helplessly and Michael rolled his eyes.

“Get to it then. You can all work in the living room if you don’t feel like dispersing to work alone,” Michael told them. “Go on.”

Dean raised his eyebrows and Michael folded his arms suddenly looking very reminiscent of Ellen when Dean was pushing too far.

“You too,” Michael informed him sternly. “And your brother. Go.”

“Yes, Dad,” Dean said sarcastically and earned himself a swat to the back of his head as walked past Michael. Gabriel laughed again.

“Watch it Mikey, or we’ll think you’re going soft!”

They gathered their books and spread them out in a circle in the living room, Castiel joining them after a few moments hesitation at the disruption to his usual schedule. One reassuring squeeze of his fingers from Dean was enough to settle him onto his stomach to write answers to English questions beside Dean.

Dean read over his shoulder for a few minutes, eyebrows inching up at each new line.

Why hadn’t someone told him Cas was much smarter than he was? Why was _he_ reading Harry Potter to the kid? Besides the fact that it was their _thing_ of course.

“You know...” Gabriel began. Dean tore his eyes away from Castiel’s work to look at him. “I don’t really want to go to Lisa’s party. Maybe for Halloween we could all stay in here and watch a bunch of horror movies.”

“Cassie hates horror movies,” Anna interrupted without looking up from her biology textbook.

“He can hide under Dean’s arm. What do you guys say?” Gabriel wondered.

“I always go to Lisa’s party,” Dean said softly. He could feel eyes on him and he looked up at Sam who nodded to Castiel. Dean glanced sideways to him to find he had stopped writing and had a sad look on his face. “But I mean, it’s always so boring. The girls at our school are old news... no point if I’ve got nobody to hook up with.”

Gabriel chuckled and held his hand out for a fist bump. Dean obliged.

“Horror movies it is,” he decided.

“Can we make sure the original _Halloween_ is one of them?” Anna requested. “That’s my favourite.”

“What if everyone picks two and we vote for order on the night?” Dean suggested. Gabriel nodded in agreement. Dean looked to Sam to ask if he was okay with that but his eyes were still on Castiel, looking worried.

Dean looked at Castiel too and found that he was kneeling now, gathering his things.

“Cas?” Dean wondered. “Hey, what’s wrong? We can put on some other movies, if horror movies really bother you. Come on, man, smile, please?”

Castiel looked at Dean, frowning at him as if Dean was a particularly difficult puzzle he wanted to solve.

“You know I would rather spend Halloween with you than those other losers, right? I’ll make sure it’s not scary for you. I promise.”

Castiel continued to stare for a minute and Dean shifted uncomfortably but then Castiel settled back down, brushing his hand on Dean’s for a moment before he went back to his homework. Dean let out a small sigh of relief.

* * *

So the following Thursday after school Dean and Sam drove, Anna, Gabriel and Castiel home to find that Michael and Lucifer had gotten bored on their day off and completely decked out the entire house and yard in Halloween decorations.

“We’re going to scare the hell out of the little monsters,” Lucifer said, a gleeful look in his eyes and even rubbed his hands together like some corny comic book villain.

“I understand why your parents named you Lucifer,” Sam said, completely serious. Lucifer laughed and wrapped an arm around his neck.

“I like this one. Let’s keep him and get rid of Dean,” Lucifer decided.

“Hey!” Dean protested and Castiel took hold of Dean’s hand possessively and glared at Lucifer.

“I was joking, baby bro,” Lucifer assured him. “Right so, Michael, being the anally retentive weirdo he is, drew up a schedule for candy patrol. I’ve decided that whichever of you answers the door you have to each be a different horror movie villain to attempt to scare them. The scariest gets the leftover candy at the end of the night. I have all the costumes you will need. Fight amongst yourselves.”

“Sweet!” Gabriel said, fist pumping. “Pun completely intended.”

“Lame,” Dean coughed at Gabriel.

“Wait until you see the living room,” Michael basically sang as he joined them in the kitchen to fill up the last of the candy bowls.

“How much of that candy did you eat?” Dean questioned curiously.

Michael glared at him briefly. “I like Halloween, okay? And trust, me you’ll appreciate the ambience. First-“

“Homework, we know. Jesus, you’re a slave driver,” Dean grumbled.

“It’s a sign that he loves you. Come on, Deano.”

“No going in the living room until it’s movie time!” Michael ordered.

“Just go along with it, you two, it’s better to accept his crazy than try to fix him,” Lucifer winked. Sam grinned and followed Gabriel upstairs. Dean turned to Castiel.

“What do you say we skip homework for this afternoon and you teach me another song on the piano?” Dean requested. Castiel’s eyes lit up. He’d been very subdued during the week and Dean wanted to cheer him up. Michael glanced at them but then nodded in agreement, having also noticed his brother’s mood drop.

When they got to the piano Dean touched Castiel’s hand to stop him playing for a moment.

“I have a song here,” Dean explained. “It’s pretty special to me so....” He shrugged, feeling a little embarrassed and self conscious so he just put the sheet music up on the piano and Castiel looked at it with interest. He reached out and trailed a finger over the title _Hey Jude_ before casting Dean a questioning look.

“My mum used to sing it to me when I had bad dreams,” Dean explained softly. “After she died it was a long time before I could listen to it again. Kinda hoping you can play it for me.”

Castiel turned to the keys and experimented with the first line. Dean watched his process with interest. He worked his way through a line at a time, piecing together the song bit by bit. Dean started humming along as he made it halfway through. Castiel turned though and waved a hand to stop him until later he had the entire song down pat and he motioned for Dean to join him. He seemed delighted when Dean scooted a little closer on the bench and sang softly into his ear, a little embarrassed but pleased by Castiel’s bright eyes when the song finished.

Dean caught his gaze and found he couldn’t look away and was surprised when Castiel raised a hand off the piano and keys and hesitantly reached for Dean’s face.

“Okay kiddos!” Lucifer’s loud voice made both boys jump and Castiel scrambled a foot away from Dean and averted his eyes. “It’s time for the marathon to begin! We have snacks prepared! Get your butts down here!”

“Come on,” Dean said to Cas, a little frustrated but trying to keep that out of his voice. He was so curious about what Castiel was about to do but he’d been startled out of it. They joined the group in the living room and stared around in amazement. Michael and Lucifer had transformed the room into a castle dungeon complete with cobwebs and pile of fake human bones.

“You really do love Halloween,” Dean mused. “Wait, I thought you were religious. Don’t religious people hate Halloween?”

“Don’t you know what stereotyping is?” Anna shot back.

“Not so religious as to hate holidays all about candy and scaring children,” Lucifer explained. Michael rolled his eyes.

“So, our first movie from the list you guys made yesterday is... _Halloween_... the original, appropriate,” Michael decided. He flicked off all the lights and Dean grinned when he noticed several glowing decorations of a cauldron and fake blood on the bones.

The ambience was pretty great.

Castiel took the seat beside Dean and shrunk into his side, almost touching him as he looked at the TV warily. Obviously the decorations weren’t a source of discomfort but the movies were. Dean was aware of him as the others settled and passed around bowls of caramel corn, candy, regular popcorn, chips and basically every kind of movie snack Dean loved. He glanced at Castiel as the opening credits finished and the movie actually started. He seemed okay so Dean focused on the movie, smirking a little.

Old horror movies were the best. The blood was overly fake, nobody’s wounds spurted _that_ much, the acting as over the top dramatic as all acting used to be, and the music was the scariest part. And the music for this movie was particularly creepy.

When Michael went into his sister’s room to stab her, Gabriel wolf whistled and Lucifer smothered cackles into a cushion at her ridiculous screams. Dean chuckled and glanced at Castiel to find him wide eyed and clutching a throw pillow in shock.

“Hey,” Dean murmured. It took a few more goes but Castiel tore his eyes from the screen to look at him. “Want to know a trick to make it not so scary?”

Castiel nodded.

“Look at all of the way it’s silly. See how fake the blood is and how bad the acting is? Just think of that, it makes you remember that it’s a Hollywood set and a dummy knife,” Dean explained. A little furrow appeared between the younger boy’s eyebrows as he looked back at the screen.

He inched closer and closer to Dean as the movie went on and Dean peeked at him. He didn’t seem too worried which was good, they still had a tonne of other movies to go through and most of them were scarier than this one.

Next up was _Nightmare on Elm Street_ , the original of course, Dean had chosen it and couldn’t even fathom why someone thought it necessary to remake a classic? There was only one Freddy, nobody could compare. _Friday the 13 th_, sure, it was okay to remake that, Jason didn’t even talk so anybody could play him really but Freddy was a horror villain with personality, you can’t replace the original.

This one seemed to scare Cas more, he was jumping a little every now and then. When Johnny Depp’s character was yanked into his bed though Dean jumped and yelped when a hand gripped his bicep tightly in shock at the huge spray of blood.

Everyone looked at him but he was busy looking at Castiel, stroking his hand with his fingers comfortingly.

“It’s okay, buddy, really, it’s so unrealistic, look, the human body doesn’t hold that much blood, it’s not possible,” Dean murmured. “Shh, it’s just a movie, Cas, it’s alright.”

Just when Dean thought he had the boy calm Jigsaw’s laugh echoed through the house and Castiel made a terrified sound and dived under the throw blanket piled next to him on the lounge.

“What the hell?” Dean demanded.

“I changed the doorbell,” Lucifer explained, grimacing.

“Change it back,” Michael ordered. “Go and give those children their candy, we’ll start the roster after.” Michael moved in front of the trembling pile that was Castiel and murmured softly to them.

“Your brother is an idiot,” Michael informed.

“A great big, bag of dicks,” Gabriel agreed. Michael shot him a look and Lucifer shouted ‘I heard that’ before answering the door to a chorus of tiny voices shouting ‘trick or treat!’.

“Everything’s okay, Castiel,” Michael assured him softly. “Dean’s right beside you and the rest of us are here in the room. I know that you know movies can’t hurt you, they’re just make believe. Nothing to be afraid of. Besides, like Dean said, most horror movies are fantastical, most of the villains and the murders aren’t possible.”

Castiel finally peeked out from the blanket as Lucifer returned, throwing a Freddy costume at Gabriel and informing him he was on door duty for the next hour. Michael smiled warmly at Castiel.

“You can stay wrapped in the blanket if you want,” Michael promised. “But don’t worry, Dean’s right there. You’ve got nothing to be scared of.”

Michael returned to his seat and Dean laid his hand palm up on the cushion, wiggling his fingers until Castiel reached out and took them, squeezing gently as they returned to watching the movie. The trick or treaters started coming frequently from then and it seemed the constant interruptions to the movies made it easier for Castiel to watch. He still jumped and whimpered at the really tense parts and was especially scared when Dean’s turn to answer the door came up but he wasn’t shaking anymore.

Towards ten o’clock Dean glanced down at him, concerned because he hadn’t been jumping a lot and found that he was fast asleep, fingers still curled around Dean’s. He didn’t wake up until Dean, seeing Sam nodding off against Gabriel’s shoulder two hours later decided it was time for them to head home. As he tried to shake off Cas’s hand gently the boy awoke, blinking up at him owlishly.

“I’m heading home now,” Dean explained as Castiel tightened his hold on Dean’s hand, clearly not wanting him to go. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

Castiel looked at his face for a few moments before releasing him and snuggling further into his blanket. Dean smiled down at him before saying goodbye to the others and herding Sam out to the Impala.

“That was a good Halloween,” Sam yawned as he curled into the passenger seat. “Much better than some dumb party.”

Dean smirked a little. “Yeah, it had its moments,” he agreed. He was still a little disappointed about not getting to go to Lisa’s party though, he did go every year. He looked at the time as Sam stumbled upstairs to his room. It was only midnight, the party would still be in full swing until about two or three despite it being a school night. Lisa’s parents were often away on business functions and she took full advantage of that.

Dean nodded to himself before scribbling a note in case Sam woke up and ducking back outside. A party would be a nice way to wind down, he’d spent so much time lately worrying about Castiel. He liked spending time with Cas of course but he needed to relax, be loud and drink.

It had also been way too long since he’d gotten laid.


	11. Halloween Part 2

When Dean pulled up near Lisa’s house he could see the decorations and the teenagers spilled out from the house. Lisa was lucky she lived a little out from the main residential areas or the cops would be here by now. Dean made sure to lock his baby – he did not need to find people making out in her again – and made his way to the front door, managing to squeeze in past the couple way past second base in the doorway.

Everyone was stumbling around drunk and Dean slipped into the kitchen to hunt down a beer, popping off the top and taking a long pull. He looked around to see if Ash was anywhere nearby. Jo hated Lisa and so never came to the party unless Dean dragged her but Ash loved parties so that negated any of his feelings towards the guests and he always went. He couldn’t see him so he remained where he was and finished his beer before grabbing another and beginning to wander.

He spotted Gordon and his gang and quickly made a left to go up the stairs, not wanting a confrontation when the four were clearly smashed and therefore completely unpredictable.

He was halfway up the steps when he was stopped by Bela and Lisa dressed in skimpy devil and angel costumes respectively. Dean smirked at them and leant on the wall, taking a swig from his beer.

“I hope you two have made out at least once or those costumes were a waste,” he said with a wink.

“You won’t be seeing it considering how late you are,” Lisa chastised. “Where were you?”

“Movies with the little brother,” Dean shrugged.

“Oh,” Bela hummed, looking at Lisa. “We thought you might have been with your little boy toy.”

Dean raised an eyebrow, confused.

“Castiel Novak,” Lisa explained. “You should hear the rumours going around Dean. People are saying you’ve gone gay.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “People don’t “go gay” Lise,” he sighed. “And besides, no. I’m still a ladies’ man.”

“Well good!” Bela chimed, clapping her hands together. “There’s someone we want you to meet. Come on.”

She grabbed his hand and began towing him up the stairs. Dean allowed her to drag him along and  smiled a thank you at Lisa when she took his almost empty beer and replaced it with a cup of something much stronger. He had just taken a gulp when Bela practically threw him in the direction of a pretty red-head in a blue Star Trek costume – thank you sci-fi for giving nerdy girls sexy Halloween costumes.

She blinked deep blue eyes at him and Dean plastered on his best smile.

“Dean, this is my cousin Rosie,” Bela said. “She’s been dying to meet you. Okay, you kids have fun and use protection!”

Rosie’s cheeks flushed deep red as Bela and Lisa walked off arm-in-arm, whispering with their heads close together. Dean’s smile softened a little as she avoided his eyes.

“Drunk people,” Dean laughed. “Gotta love ‘em.”

Rosie looked up at him then and smiled. “Bela’s a bit of a cheap drunk,” she agreed. “You missed those two making out on the couch. But I’m sure there’s video if you want to watch it.”

“Sounds good but... right now I’m a little more interested in the only girl wearing a cool costume at this party.” He added a wink for good measure and Rosie fiddled with the hem of her dress a little shyly.

“Since when is Star Trek cool?” she wondered.

“Since always.” That got him another laugh and Dean stepped a little closer. “Besides, how could something that looks that good on you not be cool?”

Rosie blushed again but managed to raise her eyebrows without looking too embarrassed. “Your reputation precedes you, Dean. Bela said you’d probably try some cheesy line like that.”

“It was worth a shot,” Dean shrugged, leaning against the wall and finishing off his drink. He noticed Rosie’s cup was empty and left her for a few minutes to bring them back new ones. He was pleased to find she was waiting for him where he left her and smiled at him when he passed her the cup.

This was just what he needed, a pretty girl to take his mind off everything else and help him relax.

“So, why haven’t I met you before?” Dean wondered.

“Oh, we just moved here,” Rosie explained. “Bela’s dad and mine run the family business and they’re setting up a new branch here so we came to help out before we head off to the next city. Luckily for me this will be the last high school move. College next year.”

“Family business?”

“Department stores specialising in fine wares,” Rosie explained. “I’m starting at school here on Monday, my transfer only just came through and I thought there was no point starting on a Friday so I get time to sleep off my hangover tomorrow.”

Dean laughed appreciatively. She seemed a little more confident now and he liked that.

“So Rosie Talbot, how much does it take to give you a hangover to sleep off tomorrow?”

“You mean how drunk do you need to get me before I’ll jump into bed with you?” Rosie slid a little closer to Dean with a smirk that’s impact was lessened by her most recent blush. Dean raised one shoulder. “I don’t actually know. Based on your attractiveness and use of smooth lines... it could be a little, it could be a lot.”

“Maybe we should do an experiment, you are dressed in science blue,” Dean said, turning and leaning further into her space. Rosie smiled up at him through her lashes. God those eyes were blue.

“I do like experiments,” she murmured. Dean reached out and took hold of her waist to pull her closer until he could brush his lips over her cheek to whisper in her ear.

“Then, let’s head to a more appropriate location for such a task.”

* * *

Michael and Lucifer stayed up late attempting to clean up as much of the Halloween decorations as possible before the weekend when they could, without guilty, get Gabriel and Anna to do the outside and anything left inside. They worked in perfect harmony, moving around each other with ease and communicating in silence in the way only twins could. Due to the dead silence of the house they both heard the sound of footsteps on the stairs but made no move to see which of the household’s inhabitants it was.

A second set of louder footsteps echoed suddenly followed by a frightened squeak, a thump and a cry of pain.

“Cassie!” Lucifer said, dropping his armful of bats and beating Michael out at the sound of their brother’s pain. He bounded up the stairs as an upstairs light flicked on and dropped to his knees beside Castiel before glancing up and freezing at the sight of his mother.

She was gazing down at the whimpering ball that was Castiel with a strange detachment that always sent shivers down Lucifer’s spine.

Michael joined Lucifer but remained standing, ignoring Gabriel and Anna peeking around the corner to observe.

“Mother,” Michael said stiffly, reaching a hand down to squeeze Lucifer’s shoulder. Lucifer took the cue and concentrated on Castiel, hands fluttering useless inches away from him.

“Cassie,” he whispered. Castiel was gripping his ankle, tears in his eyes and turned as far away from his mother as he could be. “Cassie, I need to touch you. I need to make sure you’re okay.”

Castiel shook his head adamantly.

“Please, Cassie,” Lucifer begged. “At least let me help you up.”

Again he shook his head and turned to face the banister, using it to pull himself up before methodically gripping the rail and hopping up the stairs, shuddering as he had to pass too closely to his mother.

Michael watched him go, Lucifer following worriedly before returning his eyes to his mother.

“Michael, I’m going out,” she informed him.

“It’s nearly two in the morning,” Michael responded. “What the hell were you thinking? Sneaking up on him like that. You better hope it’s just sprained. Go on, leave.”

Melissa Novak’s eyes flashed darkly. “Don’t speak to your mother that way.”

“You’re not my mother. I’ll speak to you any damn way I please, now get out of my sight.”

Michael stormed past her up the stairs to join Lucifer in Castiel’s room. He looked at Castiel slowly pulling off his sock, wincing. Lucifer met his eyes.

“It’s swollen,” he explained. “But I won’t know if it’s broken since he won’t let me touch it.”

Michael scowled. “Gabriel, I know you’re up, go and fetch some ice,” he called. The front door slammed and Castiel flinched. Michael inched closer. “Castiel, will you let me have a look? I won’t touch you, I promise.”

Castiel shuffled over on his bed so Michael could perch on the edge and lean over to look at his ankle. It was swelling rapidly. God he hoped it wasn’t broken.

“Should we take him to the emergency room?” Lucifer wondered. “At least there they’ll have someone on hand to sedate him if it is broken and he... you know.”

Michael looked sideways at Castiel who was shaking his head again, clearly not liking the idea. He leant over and tugged Dean’s jacket out from under his pillow to pull it around his shoulders, snuggling into its depths to ignore his brothers.

Gabriel returned with a zip-lock filled with ice that he had wrapped in a towel. Michael coaxed Castiel out from the jacket to instruct him to gently place it on his ankle which needed to be elevated on a pillow.

“Do you think it would be okay to wait until morning?” Gabriel suggested. “If it looks really bad then it’s broken and you’ve got no choice... or at least he might let Dean look at it when he picks us up for school.”

Michael frowned, considering it. Lucifer seemed agreeable but he wasn’t sure.

“Would it make me an unfit guardian if it is broken and we take him to the hospital hours after it happened?” he asked Lucifer.

“I doubt it, you can’t possibly know. I think Gabriel’s right. At the very least Dean will be here in the morning. Cassie, would you let Dean look at your foot?” Lucifer asked. “If you agree to it you don’t have to go to the hospital unless it is broken and we’ll let Dean go with you if you have to.”

Castiel looked up and glanced at each of his brothers in turn before nodding hesitantly.

“Okay, all good. We have more cleaning up to do. We’ll come check on you soon.”

Lucifer grabbed Michael and forced him to leave the room ahead of he and Gabriel.

“Let’s pray it’s only sprained,” Gabriel murmured.

* * *

“Uhhhh....”

Dean pressed his hands against his eyes the second they opened to the bright morning sunlight streaming through the window opposite the bed he was lying in. The throbbing in his head decreased slightly as he burrowed his head down to avoid the light. He rubbed gunk out of his eyes and tried to swallow past the foul taste in his mouth. He rolled over to try and figure out where he was without his head being assaulted by the sunlight when he was suddenly reminded very vividly of where he was by the sight of inches and inches of pale skin, two perfect breasts, waves of deep red hair and a pretty face, still smooth with deep sleep.

Dean stared at the girl for a long moment, trying to remember her name and the sex itself and debating whether to pull the sheets up to afford her more modesty. And warmth.

He studied her face and a flash of dark blue eyes came to mind. He could remember holding her small, soft body close and her cries of pleasure but that was it. He couldn’t remember much else and he wasn’t sure he was even really thinking of anything besides her eyes. Those, blue, blue eyes.

How much did he drink last night?

A nauseous feeling began creeping up his stomach and he sat up far too quickly, the world began to spin and he barely made it into the guest room’s bathroom to throw up. Well, it was either tequila or rum then because those were the only drinks that made him sick, the others just gave him wicked headaches.

He flushed the toilet and went to the medicine cabinet. He used the mouthwash and took some painkillers before hunting down his clothes. He looked at the girl in bed, studying the curve of her hip hidden by the sheet as he tried to remember her name. She was Bela’s cousin... some kind of flower maybe.

He rubbed his eyes and got dressed quietly, not wanting to wake her. He still felt sick and he didn’t want to deal with her waking up and finding out he couldn’t remember her name... or even much about the sex. He couldn’t decide which one actually made the situation worse. Besides, he’d see her on Monday.

Right now he needed to go home and-

_Shit!_

Dean scrabbled for his phone as he made his way out of Lisa’s house without paying much attention to his surroundings.

_6 Missed Calls_

_11 Messages_

Dean scanned the list and was shocked to see that two of the calls were from Sam, two from Gabriel and one from Michael and Lucifer respectively. Crap, what happened?

He went through the messages which were one from Sam telling him he got a ride to school from Jo, and the rest from Gabriel demanding that he call Michael ASAP. Dean’s heart clenched and he got into his car before he made the call. Something was wrong with Castiel, he just knew it.

“Dean!” Michael sounded so relieved. “What happened? We were worried.”

“Party, I just woke up but that doesn’t matter. What’s going on? Why have you guys been calling me?”

“Castiel hurt his ankle but of course none of us can look at it... we told him if he let you look at it then we wouldn’t take him to the hospital. He’s getting anxious since you didn’t show up at the usual time. I was just getting ready to take him anyway. Do you think you can come here? Or do you need me to get you? You sound hung over.”

“You’re talking too quickly,” Dean groaned. “All I got was Cas, ankle, anxious, come here.”

Michael made a funny sound. “That’ll teach you to drink so much. Again, do you want me to get you or are you okay to drive?”

“I’ll drive. I’ll be there in five.”

Dean fumbled in his glove box to find his sunglasses so he could drive without his head splitting open before heading to the Novaks’. He arrived and Michael shepherded him upstairs to Castiel’s room immediately, trying to explain what happened but Dean’s brain couldn’t keep up.

“Ooh, walk of shame,” Lucifer snickered w when they reached the room. Michael nodded with a small smirk. Dean just frowned in confusion.

“Those are the clothes you were wearing yesterday. Is he hung over?” Lucifer asked. Dean groaned while Michael nodded again. “Okay, I’m going to make you coffee and some bacon sandwiches. Look after Cassie.”

Dean smiled gratefully at Lucifer and wandered over to sit on Castiel’s bed in front of the pillow with his foot resting on it.

“Hey buddy, you don’t look so hot,” Dean said, smiling at Castiel. Cas was studying him with wide eyes. “Yeah, I don’t look great either. I know. So... you fell down the stairs? I didn’t know you were a clutz.”

Castiel folded his eyes and looked away from Dean. Michael laughed lightly from his seat at Castiel’s desk. Castiel looked at Michael with a soft expression. Dean smiled, wondering how long it had been since Michael had laughed like that – genuine with no trace of hysteria or forced cheer.

“So, are you gonna let me look at this?” Dean questioned. Castiel nodded. “Now, I’m going to have to touch it and if it’s bad then it’s going to hurt, just keep that in mind.” Another nod and Dean leant over. It was swollen pretty heavily with same dark bruises. He probed gently at the sides, Castiel wincing as he did so. He pressed in a little harder, making him whimper but he shushed him automatically.

“It’s okay,” Dean assured him. “Now, do you trust me, Cas?” Castiel looked at him with a raised eyebrow, an expression Dean hadn’t seen on him before. He smiled. “That’s a yes, then. Right then, this is really going to hurt but I have to do it make sure it isn’t broken. After that, if it’s just a sprain, I’ll bandage it and nobody has to touch it anymore, cool?”

Castiel looked worried so Dean reached out to take his hand, squeezing it gently.

“I’m sorry that it’s going to hurt but afterwards it’ll be okay.”

Castiel took a deep breath and nodded so Dean took his foot in hand and rotated it at gently as possible. Castiel whimpered again but there were no cries of agony and no clicking. Dean quickly put it down and squeezed Castiel’s hand again.

“All done and it’s not broken, you were great Cas,” Dean said with a grin. “Now, let’s bandage it so it’s not as painful to walk on and go have some bacon.”

Michael brought Dean a bandage and he wrapped Castiel’s ankle before helping him to his feet with minimal touching. They went slowly down the stairs and Michael directed Dean in a different direction from the dining room. He took him out to a small sunroom looking out over the garden where Castiel could sit with his foot up on the bench and they could eat.

Lucifer brought Dean his breakfast and the jug of coffee with cups for the three of them and a glass of milk for Castiel.

“So, where did you go last night?” Lucifer asked.

“Lisa Braedon’s party,” Dean shrugged. “To tell you the truth I don’t remember a lot of what happened.”

“Who did you wake up beside?” Lucifer winked at him lewdly and Dean felt himself flush involuntarily.

“I don’t remember,” he muttered.

“Waking up or who?” Michael wondered with a tiny smirk.

“The girl’s name. She’s Bela’s cousin and has red hair and blue eyes. She must have been dressed as a Star Trek science officer since that was the only clothing besides mine in the room but apart from those observations I made this morning I don’t remember anything,” Dean explained without meeting either of their eyes. He chanced a glance at Cas who looked a little upset, picking at a thread on the bench cushion.

Lucifer laughed and Dean glared at him.

“Hey, don’t be like that. You’re the oldest brother in your family which means you don’t have anybody to rib you. We’ve taken it upon ourselves to uphold that responsibility,” Lucifer explained.

“Speaking of older sibling responsibility,” Michael said, perking up. “We have something for you. Castiel helped up pick them out but I think we should wait until your eyes don’t have black rings under them. Would you like to sleep in the guest room for a little while? I’ll bring Sam here this afternoon to make things easier for you if you’re not feeling too good.”

Dean pushed aside the first comment and focused on the last. He looked between Michael and Lucifer who did look genuinely concerned about him. Ever since their mother had died, Dean had taken on more responsibility than he’d ever dreamed of having. With John constantly away at work, Dean was in charge of getting Sammy fed, clothed and to school on time. He was always looking after the house and his brother. They had Bobby and Ellen check up them occasionally but really, when it came down to it, Dean had nobody to share the load with. Yet here was Michael who had three younger siblings to look after, one of whom needed more attention and care than most. He had Lucifer to help him but the burden he carried was bigger than Dean’s. Yet here he was trying to help Dean carry his.

Perhaps it was his sore head and very little sleep taking over but he felt overcome with emotion and he stared down into his mug as he answered.

“I’d appreciate that,” Dean said quietly.

“I’ll go make sure the bed’s made up then,” Michael decided.

Dean nodded and continued to stare into his coffee as if it held all his answers when a warm hand took his fingers and squeezed gently. Dean looked over at Cas who smiled softly at him. Somehow he just knew exactly what Dean was feeling and this was his way of telling him it was alright.

Christ, he was more tired than he thought.

“Thanks Cas,” Dean said softly. Castiel squeezed once more before letting him go so he could finish breakfast and go collapse into a soft bed.


	12. Shell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... the end of this chapter may or may not have made me tear up when I was writing it. It's not bad tearing up, it was 'holy crap I think what I'm writing is actually beautiful and I can't wait for everyone else to read it'. Also, Cas kind of took over this chapter. I was originally going to have him be sad when he found out about Rosie but then he decided that he wanted to be a little stronger than that so he gets to be mad at Dean for a little while. I really love this chapter! Enjoy guys!
> 
> BTW you get some more Cas POV - that's the bit that made me teary!

Dean had no idea just how much he was going to regret his decision to go to Lisa’s party until Monday lunchtime as he was escorting Cas to the cafeteria. Dean was babbling as usual, Cas’s eyes glued to his face. He was like this a lot now, absolutely rapt by whatever Dean said, even if it was completely stupid. They turned down a hall and Dean was grinning as he just elicited a tiny giggle from Cas when he heard someone call his name. He turned his head to see the girl he’d woken up with on Friday morning across the hall looking at him with a tentative smile.

“Hi,” she said.

“Um... hi,” Dean murmured, rubbing the back of his neck. The girl approached him and Dean felt Cas move closer to him, wary of this stranger. “I’m-“

“Rosie,” the girl interrupted. Dean blushed involuntarily. “Yeah, figured you were too drunk to remember. However, I would have preferred to remind you of my name when I woke up next to you instead of waking to an empty bed.”

Dean winced. “Sorry... there was an emergency.” Dean glanced back at Cas who, though limping a little, declined crutches or time off school to rest his ankle. It seemed to be healing well so Michael had relented and allowed him to come today without a walking aid.

Rosie’s eyes lit on Cas and she smiled.

“Is this the boy Bela was telling me about? Um... Ca... something?”

“Castiel,” Dean nodded. “Cas is autistic and he hurt his ankle. He doesn’t like hospitals so I looked at it for him.”

“Oh, Dean, that’s so sweet,” Rosie cooed. “Hi, Castiel, my name is Rosie.”

Cas peeked out from behind Dean, eyes narrowed a little. Dean suppressed a smile.

“Don’t talk down to him, he hates it,” he informed her. “He’s autistic, not stupid. In fact, he’s smarter than I am, which while not saying much-“

“Don’t be silly, you’re smart. You definitely proved yourself very... _educated_ on Halloween,” Rosie said, a sultry smile curving on her lips. Dean remembered nipping at those with some frequency.

Dean felt Cas take his hand suddenly and looked at him to find him glaring darkly at Rosie. He squeezed back until Cas looked at him.

“Are you okay?” he asked. Castiel shook his head and tugged Dean’s hand in the direction of the cafeteria. Dean nodded and looked back at Rosie to find her eyes on their linked hands. “Sorry, he likes his routine. Time for lunch.”

Rosie looked up at him. “Oh, sure. Are you going to sit with us?”

Dean took ‘us’ to mean his old group. “Nah. I sit with Cas, my brother, and my other friends. But, I’ll see you around?”

Dean started walking around Rosie and she spun around.

“I’m free Friday.”

Dean frowned, biting his lip. He’d just intended it as a one night stand... but he couldn’t really remember it. Would it hurt for a repeat performance?

“I’ll get back to you,” he promised. Rosie smiled warmly and went back to her locker. Cas was looking over his shoulder, his expression still one filled with distrust and irritation.

Dean realised they were still holding hands and gently disconnected them, guilt stabbing his gut when Cas looked hurt.

“What’s with you today, buddy?” Dean wondered. The younger boy made a small huffing sound and looked down at his shoes. “Fine, don’t explain yourself.”

When they arrived at their usual table, Cas shocked not only Dean but the rest of their group by seating himself between Anna and Jo – who he usually avoided, slightly intimidated by her rough attitude.

“Cassie?” Anna questioned softly.

“What did you do?” Sam asked, looking at Dean with surprise.

“Hey! Why does this mean I did anything? Maybe he’s just in a bad mood,” Dean protested. “Right, Cas? We’re cool.” Cas shot him a dark look before he began his usual process of unpacking his lunch, refusing to give Dean another glance even when he tried to get his attention. Everyone else exchanged worried looks.

“No, you did something,” Ash disagreed. “Little buddy just gave you the silent ‘fuck you’.”

“Yeah, well, fuck _you_ ,” Dean shot back. “I’ve got the next Harry Potter with me, Cas. You want to head somewhere quiet and read?”

No response.

“You want to pick the music in the car this afternoon?”

Nothing.

“You want to skip out on afternoon tea with Michael and Lucifer and I’ll teach you to drive?”

And still not a look.

“Dean,” Jo said softly, forcing Dean to look away from Castiel whose hands had begun to tremble slightly. “Let him be.”

Dean obeyed and looked around over his shoulder at his old table to find Rosie watching him. She raised her hand and waved, a warm smile on her face. Dean raised his hand briefly before turning to pester Gabriel about copying his homework. Cas was looking at him now, or rather, glaring at him again.

Well, two out of two. Dean suspected Cas did not like Rosie.

* * *

That afternoon Michael and Lucifer had requested Dean joined them and Castiel for afternoon tea at a cafe in town to discuss that ‘something’ Michael mentioned on Friday. Cas was still pissed at Dean and refused to accompany them so it ended up being Dean on his own with the twins, wondering if he was about to get grilled by Lucifer who was casting him suspicious glances as they gave their orders to the waitress.

“So-“

“We can get to that later,” Michael interrupted. “Dean, these are for you.”

He produced a stack of glossy brochures and placed them on the table in front of Dean. The one on top read _Pennsylvania State University_. Dean flicked through the stack with a frown and sinking feeling in his chest.

“Why....?” He trailed off, unsure how to phrase the many things he wanted to know.

“What you said didn’t sit well with us,” Michael explained.

“The way you said it actually,” Lucifer corrected. “You insinuated that you weren’t good enough for college and we didn’t like that.”

Dean looked away from the pages of the first brochure to meet two pairs of eyes conveying identical expressions of support and genuine affection.

“Dean, if you chose not to go to college simply because you knew it wasn’t right for you that would be one thing, but to choose not to go because for some reason you don’t believe you’re good enough... that’s a terrible waste,” Michael continued. “Sam told us that your dad often puts you down in that regard. I would hope it’s without meaning to but your brother seems to think that both you and your father believe you’re worth nothing more than staying in Lawrence and becoming a mechanic. Don’t get me wrong, I find nothing wrong with any form of honest work, but if it’s not what you want, if there’s something you want to do with your life, if you want to get out of Lawrence... this is a way to do all of that.”

“But... but my SATs...”

“Were not a disaster according to your brother. Regardless, not all colleges admit students based on their SATs and more still do not admit based on SATs alone even if they do take the score into consideration,” Lucifer explained. “All of these... you have a considerable chance of being accepted. Here, look at this.”

Lucifer produced a second stack, this time of applications.

“You... you guys bought applications for me?” Dean asked. “What if I decided not to?”

“They aren’t _that_ expensive... and Lucifer and I are able to access the considerable inheritance left to us by our grandmother,” Michael smiled. Dean raised an eyebrow. “She wrote our mother – her only child – out of her will when she tried to kill Castiel, all her money was left to her grandchildren. We have placed most of it into college funds for our siblings but our own portions we use as we see fit. Now, colleges, these applications are for most of those. You choose which ones you would like to fill out.”

Dean took the pile and shook his head slowly, trying to wrap his mind around that overload.

“You want me to go to college?” he asked quietly. Lucifer went to answer but the waitress brought out their orders and they were forced to clear the table and wait for her to leave before continuing their conversation.

Dean felt a little weird so he sipped quietly at his soda while Lucifer spoke.

“Not exactly. We want you to want to go. We don’t like the idea of you not living up to your potential, and trust us, you have tonnes.”

“But... I can’t afford to go... all the money saved up is for Sam,” Dean murmured.

“There are all kinds of scholarships you can apply for and do not think we would be unwilling to assist you any way we could,” Michael said softly. Dean opened his mouth to protest but Michael raised his hand, a hard look on his face. “Don’t argue Dean. All the reasons you’re giving me to not go are just telling me even more that you actually _want_ to but have convinced yourself that for these reasons you shouldn’t and therefore don’t need to. Now, answer me honestly, what is it that you want to do with your life?”

Dean frowned and looked down at the slice of pie on his plate, poking at it with his fork as he thought. He had never, ever, really considered the possibility that he could go to college. Nobody had ever believed in him enough or told him that he could do it. Why did Michael and Lucifer seem to think he was so special? He wanted to tell him that they should just give up on him but knew they wouldn’t listen.

It seemed arguing wasn’t going to get him anywhere so he turned his thoughts to Michael’s question. What _did_ he want to do? He loved cars and he would enjoy being a mechanic, restoring old cars but that wasn’t something he liked the idea of doing all the time. Restoring old cars was something he thought could be a great hobby one day when his life was settled and he had a good job providing him with a steady income – all of which could be achieved easily if he had a college degree to show employers. But... he hadn’t even thought of what he wanted to do if he had one.

Dean’s thoughts went to Cas and to studying the psychology texts with Rachel. He’d actually _enjoyed_ that. And not just that autism ones. He’d flicked through the chapters on bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, anxiety. Psychology was fascinating. Then Dean thought about his favourite class at school: history. He loved learning about old wars and the interesting developments that lead to the world today. He used to love coming home and telling Sam all the interesting factoids he’d learnt flipping through the textbook and Sam had always listened avidly even though Dean was sure he already knew most of them. That had stopped when Dean realised Sam was smarter than him but he never stopped being fascinated by the facts. The difference was that now he shared them with Cas sometimes when he was just chatting at him.

Dean’s mind turned then to reading Harry Potter to Cas even though he knew the kid was smarter than him and could definitely read them on his own. But it was their _thing_ and it was special. The image changed in his mind to Dean reading with some faceless, nameless kid he didn’t know.

He smiled.

“I think I’d like to be a teacher.” The words surprised him but obviously not the brothers who were both smiling and nodding when he looked up at them.

“What kind?” Lucifer questioned.

“I dunno... kids maybe. Or teenagers. Special needs kids?” Dean wondered. “I could do a double major and get a psych degree so that I can help them.”

“That sounds wonderful,” Michael smiled. “So, I suggest you go through those and find out which schools have a program that would suit what you want to do.”

Dean glanced down at the stack of glossy brochures and their accompanying applications. It felt daunting but for the first time it didn’t seem unrealistic to think he could make it into one of those schools and come out with a degree so that he could get a job he loved and wanted instead of one he felt he had to do regardless of whether he enjoyed it or not.

With a strange feeling of lightness, like an unnoticed weight had been taken away, Dean dug into his pie and Lucifer finally turned the conversation to why Cas was ignoring Dean and, embarrassed, Dean didn’t have an explanation for him.

“Well, when did he start acting like that?” Michael wondered.

“This afternoon. He met the girl... from Friday,” Dean mumbled. “I don’t think he likes me talking to her.”

Michael’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “What do you mean?”

“She tried to talk to him and he just glared at her and made me take him to the cafeteria. Then he wouldn’t talk to me afterwards,” Dean shrugged.

“He’s jealous,” Lucifer nodded.

“You can’t know that,” Michael disagreed. “Castiel’s ability to form accurate opinions of someone is something we don’t understand. He probably saw something about her Dean can’t.”

“No, pretty sure he’s acting like anybody else when it comes to sharing their favourite thing,” Lucifer grinned. “Cassie doesn’t want to share Dean with some pretty girl.”

Dean laughed and the brothers looked at him. “Seriously Luci? I’m with Michael. She did speak to him as though he was a three year old. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t like her.”

“True. He used to get irritated with us when we did that before we knew how smart he is,” Michael agreed.

“How smart is he?”

“Well, last year his psychologist conducted an IQ test that placed him in the genius bracket. One hundred and seventy three, I recall. We asked him to do it when we discovered his penchant for physics and mathematics.” Michael's smile betrayed the pride he was attempting to hide. “After that we quickly realised why he would give us the cold shoulder when we ‘baby talked’ him, as Gabriel insisted we were doing.”

“There you go,” Dean said. “He doesn’t like her because she acted as if he was dumb. Jealous? You get some strange ideas.”

Lucifer looked between them and shrugged. “Agree to disagree. I’m positive he has the ability, like every other human being, to be jealous when somebody else is getting the attention they usually do.”

Dean rolled his eyes and waved to the waitress to request another slice of pie and some coffee while Michael turned the discussion to his latest paper and wondering which topic he should use for it.

* * *

Anna and Sam were playing chess while Castiel sat on a cushion next to the coffee table to watch. He was absolutely fascinated by the game. None of his siblings had taught him to play but he was quickly picking up on the rules. Sam was playing with the black pieces. He’d said it was to give Anna an advantage.

Castiel wondered if he was regretting that now. Sam was grimacing down at the only four black pieces left on the board among the eight white ones that belonged to Anna. Perhaps somebody should have warned Sam that Anna was very good at chess. Gabriel said she played ‘sneaky’ – he wasn’t sure what that meant but none of his brothers liked to play with her because she usually beat them.

Now she was beating Sam.

Castiel studied the positions of the pieces and noticed a pattern in Anna’s. Sam was about to move the wrong piece and Castiel put his hand out to stop him. Sam drew back before he touched Castiel, looking at him in surprise. Castiel took Sam piece shaped like a horse’s head – a knight – and placed it in a better position before reaching over to flick Anna’s king over.

“What...?” Anna stared down at the board in surprise. “Cassie...”

“Wow... That looks like checkmate to me, Cas, thanks!” Sam said, grinning at him. Castiel smiled back, enjoying how similar Sam’s smile was to Dean’s.

Dean.

Castiel’s heart ached and he looked around the corner to the front door but couldn’t see Michael’s car outside so they weren’t back yet. Castiel felt bad for the way he had acted towards Dean. He hadn’t meant to upset him but... he had felt sick when the girl with the long red hair had smiled at Dean. Dean had smiled back at her. She had wanted to spend time with him alone. That’s what people did when they were in love. If Dean started to love that girl then he wouldn’t have as much time for Castiel.

Castiel didn’t want Dean to stop spending time with him. They still had so much of the Harry Potter books to go and then Castiel wanted to read some of his favourite books with Dean. They couldn’t do that if somebody else took up all his time.

What was special about that girl anyway?

Her hair was pretty but...

Castiel looked at Anna. His sister had long red hair too and Dean didn’t seem to want to spend time alone with her.

And that girl sat with the boys who scared Castiel. Why would Dean want to spend time with her? She could be on their side.

Anna and Sam were now squabbling over whether the win counted since Castiel had helped. He looked between them and realised by their smiles that they were just having fun and not actually fighting. That was good.

Castiel knelt up so he could rearrange the board while they continued to disagree when he heard the sound of a car pulling into the driveway. He got up and leant around the doorway to watch the front door. Sure enough Dean and his brothers came inside, talking about something. Dean had the college books Castiel had gone to get with Michael and Lucifer.

He studied Dean closely. He didn’t look upset so it mustn’t have been a bad talk. Last time the talk about college had made him look unhappy so Castiel hadn’t wanted Michael to bring it up again but maybe this time it is had been okay. Dean set the pile down with his bag next to Sam’s stuff and looked up straight at Castiel.

He raised his hand, looking worried and Castiel felt a squeeze in his heart.

He’d made Dean sad.

Castiel walked out from the living room towards Dean, ignoring the slight pain in his ankle and stopped in front of him. Dean held out his hand in invitation and Castiel looked at it briefly, knowing that if he took it Dean wouldn’t be sad anymore. But there was something else people did to make others stop being sad and Castiel wanted to try it. His hands trembled a little as he looked up at Dean’s face, taking in his green eyes.

He looked worried still but was smiling. That smile wasn’t the right one so Castiel knew that despite how scared the idea made him, it was the right one.

He quickly wrapped his arms around Dean’s waist and pressed against him, shutting his eyes, waiting for the black and the pain in his lungs to grab him like it always did when someone touched him. He was shaking and he knew Dean could feel it.

The gasps from all around him made him tremble harder and the tightness started to spread through his chest as the black came to punish him.

But then two very warm arms came around him and pulled him closer to the heat radiating from Dean’s body and the black retreated quicker than it had crept up, scared of the brilliant warmth that Dean was wrapping him in. Castiel pressed his face against Dean’s chest and tightened his hold. The black was gone. It wasn’t anywhere and Dean’s warmth was making the pain go too. It couldn’t touch him when Dean was wrapped around him. When Dean’s light and warmth was there the black and the pain couldn’t be.

“Holy shit, Mikey are you crying?”

“No, he’s not.”

“Shut up, Gabriel!”

“Crap... has he ever hugged anyone before?”

“Never. I need a minute. Sorry.”

“My twin is a secretly a girl.”

“You said he wasn’t crying.”

“And Anna told you to shut up.”

Castiel shut the other voices out and just hid inside the new shell Dean had carved for him. This one wasn’t a deep as his old shell and it wasn’t dark, quiet and lonely. This one was vibrant and colourful, it was filled with Dean’s light and warmth, it was a happy shell. It was closer to everyone else. This shell didn’t just tamp down the fear like his old one did – hiding him from it until he was ready to face it again – no, this shell destroyed the fear, it didn’t let it exist. It helped Castiel feel lighter so that when he decided the leave this shell, it wouldn’t be just from bad to worse, it would be from somewhere good to somewhere that was actually manageable.

One more voice spoke and this one Castiel let in, he let the tone fill him up and chase away more of the black that was hidden inside him.

“Thanks, Cas.”

_No, thank you, Dean._


	13. Fail or Succeed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got longer than I expected so I had to cut out the end section but it'll be at the start of the next chapter instead. Plus, I think it will fit in there a little better with some of the content. Anywho, just a light fillerish chapter to deal with some heavier stuff in the next few.
> 
> Also, enter Bobby! He's only got a small part but he'll be here a lot more later. After all the boys need their father figure!
> 
> 'Kay guys! Enjoy :)

The next day Rosie approached Dean at his locker, looking a little shy. Dean greeted her with more enthusiasm than he usually would – on a high from the previous afternoon. He was just as astounded and excited as Michael about Cas hugging him. What it meant... Cas was actually... he was moving past his fears. True, he hadn’t touched anybody besides Dean yet but he’d never hugged anybody in his life and he’d picked Dean! Dean tried to ignore the way his mind lingered on how well Cas fit into his arms and focus on the miracle that was his progress.

“So... Friday?” Rosie said. Dean frowned at her and she sighed dejectedly. “You forgot.”

“Friday...” Dean snapped his fingers as he remembered. “You wanted to go out. I’m free if you still are.”

Rosie’s deep blue eyes lit up in a way that reminded Dean of Cas – a thought he pushed firmly away, this was about getting this girl into bed again so he could remember it this time, and also possibly having a good time. Rosie was kind of cool after all, not anything like Bela or Lisa, Dean remembered vaguely enjoying talking to her. The date might be great even without sex.

“Of course!” she said brightly. “How about you pick me up at seven?”

Dean raised an eyebrow. “You think you’re the one in charge here?”

“ _I’m_ not the one who forgot your name. You are going to go along with whatever I want or you’re not getting your memory jogged about last Friday,” Rosie grinned with a wink. “Friday, seven. I live next door to Bela.”

Dean nodded as Rosie leant towards him. “Better plan something fantastic, Mr Winchester.” She pecked him on the cheek then and walked off. Dean watched her go, eyes drifting down to her ass clad in skinny jeans.

“Whoa...” he breathed.

* * *

Dean had promised Bobby he and Sam would have dinner with him that night so he planned to just drop Cas, Gabriel and Anna at their house and head over there to help Bobby finish up for the day before they started cooking. Cas was disappointed when Dean informed him they wouldn’t be joining his family for dinner and his sad eyes made Dean feel guilty enough to go inside for a little while.

“Dean, I have a request,” Michael announced. Dean looked up from the piano keys to the oldest Novak questioningly. “Would you come with Castiel and I to his appointment in Kansas City?”

Dean frowned. “Why?”

“You know none of my other siblings enjoy going,” Michael said quietly. Castiel flinched beside Dean and he automatically reached over and squeezed his hand before gesturing to Michael so they could leave and talk away from Cas. Dean didn’t want his feelings hurt. When they were out of earshot Michael added, “and _I_ don’t like taking Lucifer.”

“Yeah, Gabriel told me. He also said you don’t like going alone.”

“This is true. But there are ulterior motives belonging to Dr Albert... and also myself,” Michael admitted. Dean sighed.

“Lay it on me.”

“Dr Albert wants to meet you,” Michael explained.

“What? Why?”

“Why do you think? The progress Castiel has made since becoming your friend... it’s incredible Dean. Dr Albert was interested when I told him about Castiel touching you but not enough to meet you – he used to touch our hands sometimes so we both presumed it was him healing from the trauma our mother inflicted on him that made him withdraw further. However, he called last night to confirm the appointment for this week and I told him what had happened. Castiel has never hugged anybody as you know so this is an amazing development. Dr Albert wants to meet you to psychoanalyse you as well as observe Castiel with you.”

“Cool, I get that, he’s interested in his case,” Dean nodded. “Your motives?”

Michael looked guilty and lowered his voice further, just in case Castiel was attempting to listen in. They both doubted it but Michael wanted to be sure. “I’m hoping your presence will stop him behaving as he usually does. Dr Albert can’t even be in the same room as Castiel without upsetting him.”

“Why?” Dean frowned. He didn’t like the sound of this doctor. What if he’d hurt Cas?

“Castiel hates doctors, Dean. All of them. Dr Albert is very well respected in his field and he’s a good man, I assure you. Castiel just doesn’t liked doctors...” Michael shrugged helplessly. “Will you come with me? Please?”

“He really wants to meet me?”

Michael nodded so Dean nodded back. “Sure, I’ll go.”

Michael grinned. “Thank you.”

Sam chose that moment to join them. “Dean, we should go now or we’ll be late. You said you wanted to help Bobby close up.”

“Right, Sammy, let me say goodbye to Cas and we’ll head off then.” Dean returned to Cas who looked up at him expectantly. “Sorry, buddy, it’s time for me to leave. But I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

Castiel sighed sadly and lifted a hand to Dean who took it and squeezed gently. Castiel tugged until Dean leant close enough so he could put his arms around him. Dean chuckled at the pushy demand for a hug.

“Funny, I thought yesterday might be a one off,” Dean chuckled, the same weird tightness constricting his breathing and he gave Cas a gentle squeeze. The unnamed emotion was practically suffocating him and he wasn’t sure how to deal with it so he quickly let go and squeezed both of Cas’s hands as he removed them from his body. “See you later, Cas.”

Cas watched him go sadly and Dean tried not to feel guilty. Sam smiled at him teasingly as he started the car.

“What?” Dean asked. “He looks like a kicked puppy when he’s sad.”

“I think he has a crush on you,” Sam responded and Dean slammed his foot on the brake. Sam swore and glanced back to make sure nobody had been behind them. “Was that necessary?”

“What are you on?” Dean demanded. “You don’t just make pronouncements like that when I’m driving! And where did you even get that idea?”

“I don’t know maybe the fact that he likes you better than his own family, he’s basically your cuddle bunny and he was totally jealous of that girl,” Sam ticked off. “Do I need to keep going?”

Dean shook his head slowly, driving more carefully now. “Sam, Cas is just... I’m his first friend and he feels a little differently than we do. You’re confusing friendly affection with something else.”

Sam looked sceptical.

“Besides, I’d rather talk about your crush on Gabe.”

Sam’s face turned bright red and he turned to stare out the window. Dean laughed, his objective achieved and continued to rib Sam all the way to Bobby’s, enjoying the different expressions and colours his face took on.

Bobby was waiting for them when Dean pulled up.

“You took your time, ya idjits!” he said gruffly but the effect was ruined when Sam bounded in for a bear hug that Bobby happily bestowed on him.

“Dean was guilt-tripped by Cas into sticking around for a little while,” Sam explained.

“That’s the autistic boy belonging to that new family?” Bobby questioned. “Saw ‘im with his brothers at the grocery store. Met their mother too. Piece o’ work that woman.”

“You think?” Dean scowled. Sam frowned, confused. He hadn’t been let in on the story of what happened with Cas and his mother. Bobby also looked confused so Dean just motioned his head towards the shop. “Need help closing?”

Bobby nodded and sent Sam inside to start dinner.

“What was that about Mrs Novak?” Bobby asked.

Dean chewed his lip. “This is private, Bobby.”

“Who am I gonna tell, boy?” Bobby grouched.

“You tell Ellen everything. You two gossip like teenage girls. Don’t tell me you didn’t already know about Cas because she told you,” Dean replied. Bobby smiled and tilted his head in acquiescence.

“You got me. But don’t worry, if it’s private then I’m not going to say a word.”

“She tried to drown Cas in the bath five years ago,” Dean said quickly, wincing. Every time he thought about it he had this terrible image in his head of a ten year old Castiel, terrified as the woman who is supposed to love and nurture him not only betrayed him by touching him beyond his limits but then forced him into... Dean shook his head. It made him want to throw up so he cast it from his mind as best he could and looked for Bobby’s reaction.

“Her own son?” he said, shocked.

“Yup.” Dean shuddered. “She couldn’t deal with him anymore. But it’s okay. His brothers and sister take care of him really well and they love him.”

“From what I hear from your little brother, so do you.” Bobby’s eyes were warm. “I also hear you’ve been filling out college applications on the request of that family.”

Dean flushed.

“I gotta meet those boys. Anyone who finally convinced you to give college a shot deserves me to sit down for a beer and thank ‘em personally.” Bobby had a look of pride on his face. “’bout time someone convinced you yer better than your old man thinks.”

Dean sighed at the mention of John and Bobby grimaced. They worked closing up the shop in silence until it came to balancing the register. Dean counted out the money while Bobby filled in the end-of-day program and finally spoke.

“When’s he getting here?”

“Sunday night,” Dean replied. “Said he’s staying for two weeks this time.”

“So, he’ll be here until the hangover wears off and then he’ll be off on his next job.” Bobby shook his head, annoyed. “Doesn’t that man realise that one day he won’t have a family to come home to?”

Dean shrugged one shoulder, just wishing they could drop it. He didn’t want to think about what would await him on Monday and Bobby always got angry when he tried to defend John.

“Besides, Bobby,” Dean said. “Lucifer has practically adopted us, we’re not going to go hungry or anything with Dad gone.”

“Well, good. Now come on, let’s go help Sam with the grub.”

* * *

When Friday rolled around Dean hadn’t even thought once about his conflicting promises until Rosie met him in the parking lot to remind him.

“Shit,” Dean groaned. She actually looked annoyed. “I agreed I’d go to Cas’s appointment.” He looked over his shoulder to where he could see Michael’s car pulling up to let out his three siblings. “His psychologist wants to meet me. Can we reschedule? Tomorrow? I promise I will make it up to you big time.”

Rosie folded her arms. “I’m starting to think you don’t actually want to go.”

“Are you kidding? Of course, I do!” Dean took her wrist and pulled her closer, smiling charmingly. “I will take you anywhere you want, on me, we can do whatever you want. This time I won’t reschedule, I won’t forget and I especially won’t forget your name.”

Rosie looked over Dean’s shoulder and gently tugged her hand away, smiling at him with a little more warmth.

“I really like you Dean,” she said softly. “So I’m gonna say yes. I’m not just in this to sleep with you again, though, okay? I actually... like I said, I like you.”

Dean blinked and nodded. “Sure. Not just sex. Got it.”

Rosie smiled and walked off, leaving Dean wondering what he’d just agreed to. He didn’t _do_ girlfriends.

Another hand took his then and he glanced around, smiling to see that it was Cas.

“Hey there, how’s my best buddy?” he asked. Cas smiled at Dean even as Gabriel protested Cas being granted the position of best friend. Dean just stuck his tongue out at him.

“It’s okay Gabe, I’m sure you can be Sammy’s best friend,” Dean said. There was a spluttered protest of embarrassment from Sam who tried to divert Dean’s teasing, obviously unaware Gabriel already knew about his crush and wanting to keep it from him.

Anna just rolled her eyes at the boys and shepherded them into the school. Cas was a little withdrawn since it was Friday but Dean really hoped he could make that better too.

* * *

Since Dean read to Cas the entire drive to Kansas City he seemed to forget where they were going and why until Michael parking next to the very familiar building. Castiel immediately drew into himself and started shaking his head.

“Hey, hey, come here,” Dean said softly. Castiel glanced at him and Dean opened his arms. “Come here, Cas.”

Castiel took off his seat belt and hesitated before inching across the seat until Dean could wrap his arms around him. Michael turned from the driver’s seat to watch.

“Now, I want you to take a deep breath and hold it for a few seconds then let it out,” Dean requested. Castiel obeyed and Dean smiled. “Good. Feel better?”

Cas nodded reluctantly.

“I’m right here, okay? I’m with you this time. I promised you once I’d never let anything hurt you and I meant it. So, this time, you’ve got nothing to be afraid of because I’m going to be right there. I’ll even hold your hand the entire time if you want.”

Dean smiled when Cas nodded and gripped Dean’s shirt in his hands, snuggling deeper into his arms. This kid was turning into a cuddle bug. That made three times in one week. Michael looked completely gobsmacked.

“When he makes steps he makes them in leaps and bounds,” the eldest Novak marvelled with a head shake.

Cas started to squirm and Dean released him immediately. He looked apologetically up at Dean as he put distance between them and Michael sighed as if believed he’d spoken too soon. Dean just smiled warmly at Cas.

“It’s okay, buddy,” he assured him. “You’re allowed to set the boundaries. Short hugs are good.”

Cas smiled slightly before getting out of the car and Michael and Dean followed suit.

“I bet it’s worse because you’re here, right?” Michael questioned. Cas looked embarrassed and Michael felt guilty. Dean squeezed his shoulder as they walked into the building. Michael went to the reception desk while Dean and Cas took seats.

Cas turned to Dean and held out Harry Potter for him to take.

“I didn’t even see you grab that,” Dean smiled. “Okay, we’ll keep going.” He returned to reading quietly so he didn’t disturb anyone and when Michael joined them he looked so relieved. It was the calmest Castiel had ever been in this waiting room even if he was twitching and twisting his fingers together anxiously. He also flinched every time a new patient was called, terrified he would be next. Every time this happened, Dean reached over without pausing in the story to squeeze Castiel’s hand, a gentle reminder he was not alone. Michael thought he might just love Dean Winchester a little.

When Castiel’s name was called, he tried to resist getting up from the chair but a whispered promise from Dean that Michael couldn’t hear made him reluctantly stand. He grabbed Dean’s arm as they walked into the office past Dr Albert.

“Michael,” he greeted warmly. “Castiel. And you must be the famous Dean.”

Dean smiled distractedly at the psychologist before returning his attention to Cas.

“Okay buddy, right here, you need to loosen your hold though, my fingers are tingling,” he said gently. Dr Albert watched them closely as they all took seats.

Dean glanced around the office once he was sure Cas wasn’t going to freak out. He was tearing up, his eyes glassy but he wasn’t panicking or crying so he took it as a good sign. The office was warm and welcoming and there was no giant desk separating Dr Albert from his patients. They were seated in comfortable armchairs by a bookshelf filled with all manner of books – scientific ones, novels, geography, tourist magazine, children’s books – there were also bean bags and some sets of lego.

The psychologist waited until Dean had finished looking and turned to him before he started.

“Dean, I’m Dr Albert, Castiel’s specialist,” he introduced himself. He was a middle aged man with greying black hair and very warm hazel eyes. Dean didn’t find anything threatening about him so he relaxed a little. “I’ve been in charge of his case for the last six years, before that I was a consultant at the centre his mother brought him too.”

Michael looked down at the mention of his mother and Dr Albert grimaced.

“So... you know a lot about him?” Dean questioned.

“Well... what he lets me know. He’s not very open.” Dr Albert smiled and looked at Castiel seated between his brother and Dean. “Not like he is with you. Castiel, what’s that you’ve got?”

Castiel was holding the book to his chest almost like a security blanket. He ignored Dr Albert’s question. The psychologist didn’t seem fazed and Michael answered a second later anyway. It was clear to Dean this was how most appointments went.

“It’s the fifth Harry Potter book. Dean’s been reading them out loud to him,” Michael explained. Dr Albert raised his eyebrows.

“Castiel is quite capable of reading on his own,” he said, not condescendingly but with a question beneath it.

“He likes Dean’s voice, I think,” Michael said softly. “And it’s... just something they do together.”

Dr Albert turned to Dean now without speaking.

“I started one afternoon after some kids pushed him around,” Dean explained. “We’ve just kept doing it. It’s a trade-off. He plays me music, anything I want him to play for me, and I read this to him.”

“Fiction is a marvellous tool we use with autistic children,” the doctor said fondly. “It teaches them a little bit more about how people act and react. I find often that for those who lack affective empathy, it helps them to gain a little.”

“What?” Dean frowned.

“Ah, sorry. There are two kinds of empathy, Dean. Cognitive and affective. Cognitive empathy is the ability to acknowledge that other people have feelings and they might be different to your own and affective empathy is the ability to understand and even feel another person’s feelings. Many people with autism have quite strong cognitive empathy even if they lack affective empathy in average levels.”

“Cas is plenty empathic,” Dean defended.

“Only cognitively.” Dr Albert smiled. “I would however be interested in retesting his empathy levels once he has heard the entire series and spent more time with you. His progress now is phenomenal. He is touching you... he is relatively calm. He has never been calm in this room.”

Dean fought back the proud smile that wanted to light his features. Dr Albert turned to Michael and began his routine questions that Dean tuned out. He looked down at Cas who blinked up at him when he sensed Dean’s gaze.

“Hey, do you wanna do me a favour?” Dean asked. Cas nodded. “Next time the doc asks you something, you wanna answer him? I think he’d get a kick out of it. He might even fall off his chair.”

Dr Albert was watching Dean whispering to Castiel out of the corner of his eye as Michael spoke. Dean knew he was analysing them but he didn’t care. He kind of liked the guy. For a shrink he wasn’t so bad he guessed.

“So, Castiel,” Dr Albert said when he was finished with Michael. “Your behaviour with Dean is something I haven’t seen in you before. Dean’s special to you isn’t he?”

Dean didn’t know whether it was his request or the topic choice from Dr Albert but Cas actually met the psychologist’s eyes and nodded briefly, looking at Dean and then back at his own lap. Dr Albert’s eyes softened.

“Is he safe Castiel? Is Dean like your music?”

Castiel nodded again, this time without looking up and his cheeks flushed pink for a reason Dean couldn’t tell. Dr Albert nodded and made a few notes on his notebook under those from Michael’s discussion with him. He chewed his lip for a moment and looked at Dean who was obviously confused by his question choice.

“Castiel has placed you in a position akin to playing the piano,” Dr Albert explained. “When he plays the piano, it created a special shell around him, an escape from things that might be confusing, painful or frightening to him. The music helps him escape from that and regain control over his thoughts and his feelings and maybe make sense of anything that has been bothering him. You are just like that, you’re-“

“His safe place,” Dean finished. He flushed when an eyebrow was raised in his direction and Michael suppressed a smile of amusement. “I did some reading.”

The doctor’s eyes glittered. “I see.”

The rest of the appointment continued with other routine tests and questions. Castiel clung to Dean’s side when Dr Albert stood but the man assured Castiel they wouldn’t do any reflex tests today. He wanted to do a linguistic test. Michael explained to Dean that they liked to test Castiel’s vocabulary and understanding of syntax, morphology and phonology. Dean learnt that Cas actually chose not to speak and if he ever did then he would be able to have one hell of an intelligent conversation. Dean didn’t even know some of the words Cas was writing down existed.

Then, just for fun apparently, Dr Albert set down a worksheet with some physics problems that Castiel solved before Dean even had a chance to work out what half of it meant. It was clear how much enjoyment Cas got out of the numbers and diagrams. Dean would have to remember that. Sam liked physics too. Dean would get them to geek out about it together one day, that would be interesting to watch.

Then the appointment was over and Michael was actually smiling as he paid and they left the building.

“Home now?” Dean wondered.

Castiel shook his head as they got in the car.

Michael grinned back at him. “We always go out for burgers and milkshakes after, don’t we?”

Castiel nodded and smiled at Dean.

“There’s this diner he absolutely loves. I think he has a crush on the Friday night waitress.”

Castiel folded his arms and actually gave Michael a look that Dean knew was universal for ‘don’t put your own problems on me’. Dean laughed and grinned cheekily at Michael.

“What’s her name?” he teased. Michael flushed. “Come on, tell me.”

“Sierra,” he sighed. “She’s studying history at college part time. She’s always there on Fridays when we go in. She dotes on Castiel.”

Dean teased Michael for a little while but it occurred to him that perhaps this girl’s kindness towards Castiel was what endeared her to Michael and it made him really consider how much he gave up for his little brother. Nothing was more important to him than Cas. Dude really needed a someone to sit him down and tell him that he’s done an amazing job and to stop beating himself up.

Sure enough a beautifully brunette skipped up to their table with a bubbly greeting to Michael and Cas practically as soon as they’d sat. Michael introduced Dean and Sierra’s eyes widened.

“I was told about you,” she beamed. Dean felt embarrassed and looked down at the menu in front of him. Castiel was sitting between Dean and the window and looked much more content than he had back in the psychologist’s office.

Sierra took their orders and Michael asked Dean what he thought of the doctor. They were just discussing his manner of speaking to Castiel when Sierra brought their food.

“Damn that was quick,” Dean grinned.

“Anything for my two favourite men,” Sierra explained with a wink towards Michael. The man pretended not to notice as he took his food from her.

“Thank you,” he said and she smiled, chirped ‘enjoy’ and waltzed off. Dean decided not to comment and dipped one of his fries into his milkshake as he thought back on the session. Cas watched Dean’s action curiously.

“Hey, why don’t you like him, Cas?” Dean wondered. “He seemed cool to me.”

Castiel lifted one shoulder embarrassedly and sipped his shake. Dean looked at Michael who also shrugged.

“He doesn’t like any doctors. Although... he didn’t mind Dr Albert at one point.”

“Really?”

“Castiel may not like him now but Dr Albert has done a lot for him. He’s the whole reason Castiel knows how to play the piano,” Michael said with a soft smile, observing Castiel mimicking Dean and dipping one of his fries into his milkshake. Dean and Michael both laughed at expression of awe as he chewed it.

“Really?” Dean asked, looking back at Michael.

“Yes. He minored in music in college. Anyway, his PhD thesis was on musical therapy for autistic children. His partner told him to go ahead, it was worth a try since Castiel had no true outlet for his feelings. Up until then when everything became too much he curled into the foetal position and rocked. It was... troubling to me and truly upsetting for Gabriel and Anna. So, Dr Albert took him to music room of the medical centre, sat him down and explained the piano and sheet music to him. After twenty minutes Castiel was playing Queen’s _Bohemian Rhapsody_ with very little help from the man.”

Dean grinned. “That’s... amazing.”

“He has always been a fast learner. The next day, Lucifer and I used all our savings to buy him a piano and a box full of sheet music. He just... fell into it. Now there’s hardly anything he loves more than creating music. It’s worth anything to me as long as it helps him. It does help, Castiel, doesn’t it?”

Castiel looked up and smiled at Michael. He leant over the table and Dean thought he was looking to grab the salt but instead he brushed his fingers shyly over Michael’s hand. Michael froze, a small gasp escaping him. Castiel’s big blue eyes flicked up to Michael’s face and his tough lingered several more moments before he withdrew, eyes back on his meal.

Michael was breathing slowly through his nose, clearly trying to contain his reaction for Castiel’s sake. Dean could hear him muttering ‘don’t make it a big deal’ repeatedly. But regardless of how he was reacting now, Dean knew that Cas knew how special that was for his brother. It was Cas’s way of acknowledging everything Michael did for him, that he knew and was grateful. Michael knew that too but mostly he was just amazed and so relieved. That Castiel could touch him again meant he hadn’t failed, he hadn’t somehow scarred him further with his clumsy attempt at parenting from the age of 18.

It might mean he’d actually done a good job.


	14. When You Need Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry! I'm so, so, so sorry! Things got crazy and I got writer's block and then insomnia and then I was sick all the time... yeah, it wasn't good. But I'm back in normal sleeping patterns now and I've got my workload under control. 7 more weeks and I'm finished my first year of uni!!!! I'm so excited for a proper break, I plan on spending it all reading fanfiction.
> 
> Anywho, I have exciting news! I got a job as an autism therapist! How amazing is that? I'm going to be working with two boys, 9 and 6, who are high-functioning. I'm meeting them on Wednesday so I went toy shopping today and found all this cool stuff that'll hopefully make them think I'm interesting enough to have as a therapist. I'm so, so happy! I can't wait to meet them and get started.
> 
> This chapter is a little dark. Warnings for alcohol used as a coping mechanism by an under-age boy. There's some sweet stuff too though. Especially Cas. I love him in this chapter. And some more light Sabriel. :) Enjoy!

Sam sat on Dean’s bed frowning at him unhappily.

“If you keep looking at me like that you’ll find an unpleasant surprise in your bed when you least expect it,” Dean warned as he cast a glance in his younger brother’s direction.

“This is a bad idea,” Sam said. Dean had lost count of the number of times those words had come out of his brother’s mouth since that morning. “Do you want Cas to ignore you again?”

“I’m telling you Sammy, you’re crazy,” Dean replied. “Cas does _not_ have a crush on me.”

“Then why exactly does he not like Rosie?”

“I don’t know.”

“Then why couldn’t I be right?”

“You’re not.”

“You don’t have a better explanation. Don’t go on the date, Dean. Stand her up and then she’ll ignore you.”

“Wow, you really are a bitch.”

“Shut up, jerk.”

Dean smiled and shut his wardrobe door. He turned to face Sam who still looked disapproving.

“You _actually_ want me to be a jerk and stand some poor girl up?” Dean asked incredulously. “Mr Morals wants me to do that?”

“I don’t want you to upset Cas,” Sam corrected. “Please Dean.”

Dean rolled his eyes.

“Tell me the truth then, do you like this girl or do you just want to fuck her again?”

“Sam!” Dean stared at him. “Swearing?”

“Answer the question. Do. You. Like. Her?” Sam was glaring at him heavily and Dean hesitated. Would Sam actually be mad at him for going on this date? He did need both of the two most important people in his life not speaking to him.

“Not really.”

“Then don’t go.”

Dean opened his mouth and then checked his watch. He looked up at Sam’s pleading eyes.

“I gotta go,” he sighed and walked out of his room before he could see the disappointment darken his little brother’s eyes. He passed by the living room and paused when he saw his dad standing by the mantle, staring at their family pictures.

“You going out?” John asked, noticing Dean standing by the door.

“Yeah. I have a date. I shouldn’t be out late.”

John just nodded and Dean watched him go back to staring at the photographs. He could already tell Monday was going to be a tough one this year. It should have been their twentieth anniversary soon, Dad was going to be difficult to look after.

Dean’s eyes drifted down to the photo of Mary holding Dean in her lap while they swung gently on one of the swings at the park up the road. His own heart ached a little and he suddenly considered Sam’s words more seriously.

No. No, he didn’t need to think about this until later. Today he was going out to enjoy a date that might end in fantastic sex which would take his mind off everything.

Or... not so much.

It turned out, now that Dean had been reminded, he couldn’t stop thinking about what Monday meant. And he couldn’t stop thinking about the hurt look on Cas’s face when he’d met Rosie.

So then he couldn’t stop thinking about Cas hugging him and how perfectly the younger boy fit into his arms and against his side.

“Dean! Are you even listening?”

“Huh?”

Dean looked up and Rosie was staring at him with a dark look on her face. She looked _really_ pissed. Maybe he shouldn’t have come on this date after all.

“What?” The anger changed to hurt and Dean’s eyes widened.

“Did I say that out loud?” he asked.

“You didn’t want to go on this date?” Rosie asked in a quiet, hurt voice.

“Uh... I _did_ ,” Dean said. “It’s just... I have a lot on my mind right now.”

Rosie tilted her head. “Cas? How did the appointment go?”

Dean was taken-aback. “It was fine. That wasn’t what I was thinking about. I was actually thinking about... some personal stuff.” He picked up one of his fries and broke it in half before adding. “And how Cas is gonna hate me when I see him next.”

Rosie frowned. “Why?”

“Because I’m here.”

She looked even more confused. “Dean, I don’t... I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Cas doesn’t like you and last time I spoke to you he ignored me. I don’t really want him to ignore me again.” Dean turned to look out the window of the cafe they were in and found himself wondering what Cas was doing. It had to be better than this.

Rosie was speaking again and Dean tuned her out.

“Oh my god, you’re not listening again!” Rosie smacked her hand on the table and Dean slid his gaze to the side so he could see her without turning his head. It was a shame, this wasn’t going to end in sex. Now he’d have nothing to really take his mind off what Monday meant.

“I’m just going to go.” Rosie threw down some money to cover her lunch and got up. Dean didn’t even move.

“See you,” he said.

“No, you won’t.” Rosie paused and looked at him, a mix of anger and hurt. “I told you I really liked you. I meant it, you know.”

Dean shrugged one shoulder. “You’re better off not.”

Rosie opened her mouth, thought better of responding, and stormed out. Dean looked down at his food. He’d barely touched it so he just paid for his lunch and the tip and got up. He wanted company but going to see Cas in this frame of mind was a bad idea. Also he couldn’t go the Roadhouse or Bobby’s because they’d _know_. He didn’t want to go home and see Sam or Dad so he just drove around aimlessly, getting lost deeper and deeper in the depression that slithered into his mind around this time every year and wouldn’t dissipate for quite a while.

Still, he had one more day to steel himself for what was to come.

* * *

Monday morning came to present with it an absent spot in the school parking lot where Dean parked every day. Cas stayed by the tree next to the space until the warning bell sounded. When it finished ringing his shoulders slumped and he turned to Gabriel and Anna to walk into the school with them.

“Maybe he’s sick,” Anna suggested lightly. “Has he texted you Gabriel?”

Gabriel tore his eyes from watching Cas’s sad face and withdrew his phone to check.

“Nope. Anna’s right though, bro, he’s probably just sick or running late. You’ll see him soon,” Gabriel promised.

Gabriel felt worse at lunch when his words turned out to be false and Dean was nowhere to be seen. Cas just looked so dejected. Jo and Anna tried their best to distract him. Ash even tried juggling all the group’s apples but just ended up bruising all of them so that none of them wanted to eat the fruit any longer.

Gabriel turned to Sam while Jo was being melodramatic about telling her brother off in the hopes that it would cheer Cas up.

“Where’s your bro?” Gabriel asked softly. Sam barely glanced at him chewing his bottom lip. Gabriel frowned. Normally the kid jumped at the chance to talk to him about anything because of his crush which was becoming more and more adorable each day. And Sam himself was seeming more adorable-

_Cut it out Gabriel or Dean’ll have your balls,_ Gabriel chastised himself.

“At home...” Sam looked around before leaning closer to Gabriel. “It’s the anniversary of our mum’s death so he’s at home with our drunk Dad and probably shitfaced himself.”

Gabriel blinked in shock. “Where-“

“I stay with Jo and her family,” Sam said quickly. “Dean doesn’t like me around when Dad’s drunk... or himself. Dad doesn’t get drunk at all except today. The rest of the time he’s just not around. Dean’s the one who takes care of me but he won’t let me do the same for him.”

Sam’s pale blue eyes were shiny with a few tears. Gabriel wrapped his arm around Sam and tugged him close.

“Big brothers don’t like it when their little brothers need to take care of them,” Gabriel said softly. “Believe me, I’ve tried it with Michael and he practically throws me out of his room.”

Sam grimaced. “Dean’s the same.”

“Huh, maybe that’s why they get on.”

Sam sort of smiled so Gabriel counted it as a win, tugging him closer. He looked across the table at Cas who’d been paying attention to them and was watching them with wide eyes.

“He’s okay, Cas,” Sam promised softly. “Just... not in good state to be here right now. You’ll see him in a couple of days.”

Cas’s eyes grew wider and he shook his head unhappily.

“Sorry, bro,” Gabriel said before returning his attention to Sam.

* * *

Once John had passed out Dean lifted the bottle of Jack’s from his chest and threw a blanket over him. The one blessing about this routine was that he never got out of bed. He drank himself into oblivion without leaving the comfort of his bedroom.

Dean cleared away the empty bottles and carted the full ones downstairs. He dropped it all beside the couch when he caught sight of the photos and sat down, staring at them.

After thirteen years he just felt... numb.

Considering he was only four at the time he could still remember the hospital pretty well. The smell. He could remember seeing how sick she looked. How thin she got. Her beautiful hair was almost all gone by the end.

John wouldn’t let Dean see her anymore when she looked like that. But Dean remember anyway.

And it... it had destroyed something inside him. He could never get rid of that image.

And he hated the hospital. He hated the doctors. None of it helped her and she was miserable at the end. She didn’t want to be there where they poked and prodded her time and again, she wanted to be home where she comfortable and loved.

And then she was gone.

Dean had held Sammy in his arms at the funeral. Watched them lower her into the ground. He’d just held Sam tightly in his arms and promised to look after him like he couldn’t look after Mum.

And after all this time he felt hollow, empty. Missing something crucial.

Dean raised the open bottle of whiskey to his lips and began to drink, faster than was healthy, relishing the burn in his throat and the warmth spreading from his belly throughout his body the longer he drank.

Family was everything to a Winchester and after Mary died... theirs just fell apart. John was never around and Dean had to look after Sammy. They had Bobby. And Ellen. And Jo and Ash. But in reality it was only Dean and Sam.

Just them.

Nobody but them.

* * *

Castiel stepped softly into the kitchen and watched Michael. Michael was cooking so Castiel considered leaving and finding Lucifer – but Michael was better for what he needed. Michael was very good at taking care of people without making them feel bad. Lucifer was good at it too but Michael was better.

He waited a few moments and just as he was about to leave Michael glanced around, a smile appearing on his face when he spotted Castiel.

“Hey you,” he said. He did something to the pot of food before turning fully, wiping his hands and coming over. “Something wrong?”

Castiel considered Michael carefully. He needed Michael to take him to Dean but how was he supposed to tell him that?

“Dinner’s cooking if that’s what’s on your mind,” Michael said ushering Castiel into the dining room. “Sorry it’s late but I got held up at work.”

Castiel shrugged one shoulder.

“Okay... so... what is it then?” Michael asked as he sat. Castiel looked around before going to the key bowl and grabbing Michael’s keys. Michael raised his eyebrows as Castiel put them in front of him. “Okay....?”

Castiel stared at Michael intently. He would understand. He always knew what Castiel needed. Michael picked up his keys and studied Castiel closely. Castiel was wearing Dean’s jacket because it smelled like him. He needed to see him. Michael would know.

“Gabriel!” Michael turned in his chair and looked behind him, calling out for their brother. Gabriel appeared looking confused.

“Yeah, bro?”

“Is something the matter with Dean?” Michael wondered. Castiel felt the tightness leave his shoulders. Michael had understood.

Gabriel looked sad and told Michael what Sam had told them today. Michael looked sad and then alarmed.

“Where’s Sam tonight?” he demanded.

“With Jo and Ash and their mum,” Gabriel explained. “Dean doesn’t let him stay home.”

Michael looked sad again. Castiel shifted impatiently. Was this all necessary? He wanted to see Dean. They were both looking at Castiel now and Michael turned back to Gabriel, looking torn.

“I should check on Dean,” he said. “But... I can’t take Castiel.”

Castiel’s jaw dropped. Michael couldn’t do that. He rushed around to stand at Michael’s side and wavered for a moment before taking hold of his arm, clamping down on the usual wave of fear. Michael looked down at him.

“Castiel, I’m sorry but... we don’t know what it might be like. People are... they’re different when they’ve been drinking. Dean might be angry. He might hurt you. He’d never forgive himself and... neither would you.”

Castiel frowned. Dean wouldn’t hurt him. Never.

“Cassie, I know you don’t remember the day Mum...” Gabriel and Michael both flinched. “But she was drinking.”

Castiel did remember sometimes when he was sleeping. The doctors said his brain was protecting him. But it didn’t matter. Dean’s touch was safe. Dean was safe. He would never, ever hurt him. He always took care of him. Now it was Castiel’s turn. Dean needed him.

There was silence and Michael turned to Gabriel. Gabriel shrugged helplessly.

“When does he ask for things?” he said simply and went into the kitchen to check the food while Michael sighed. Castiel recognised his sign of defeat.

“Just remember... he won’t be the same,” Michael warned again, standing up. Castiel hurried to follow him out to the car, getting into his seat in the back even though there was nobody else in the car.

Castiel watched the houses go past as they drove towards Dean and Sam’s house. It was getting dark. Castiel didn’t like the months when it started to get dark too quickly. Bad things lived in the dark. But this was okay. And soon he would see Dean and then nothing would be able to hurt him.

They arrived at the house and Castiel gazed up at it as they walked up the garden path. It was white and big and very nice. Not as big as their house but still big.

Michael rang the doorbell and waited but there was no response.

Castiel reached up and pressed the same button. Michael looked down at him with a smile.

“I wonder if they keep a spare key around,” he said and Castiel watched with bemusement as Michael went about checking in and under the potted plants on the veranda. He emerged from a large pot with a triumphant sound and showed Castiel a key. He blinked in surprise. Why would somebody keep a key in a place like that?

Michael opened the door and stepped inside. Castiel kept behind him and peered into the house anxiously. Where was Dean?

“Dean?” Michael called out. “Dean, it’s Michael and Castiel!”

There was the sound of footsteps and a loud thud followed by swearing. Castiel’s heart stuttered at Dean’s voice and a light flicked on further into the house. Dean was sagged against the doorway near to them, staring at them through squinted eyes.

Castiel stared at him intently, waiting for Dean to smile like he always did. Instead he just looked sad.

“Dean, where’s your father?” Michael asked, stepping forward warily.  Dean shrugged.

“Passed out upstairs,” he mumbled.

“Dean, I think you need to give me that.” Michael held his hand out and Castiel looked down to the bottle of amber liquid in Dean’s hand. “You’ve had enough and trust me, alcohol makes it seem better now but you’ll feel worse later.”

“You think I don’t know that?” Dean snapped angrily and Castiel flinched backwards to press against the door. Dean didn’t raise his voice at them.

“Dean,” Michael said gently. “You’re scaring Castiel.”

Dean’s eyes finally widened and he looked towards the door. “Why did you bring him?”

“He is the one who wanted to come. He wanted to make sure you were alright. Now I suggest you let him do so. The bottle?”

Dean reluctantly relinquished the bottle and Michael stepped passed him into the room. Castiel could hear glass clinking and knew his brother was collecting more bottles. Dean sagged against the doorway again and looked at Castiel.

“You shouldn’t be here, Cas,” he said quietly, voice sad. Castiel stepped slowly over to him, ducking down to peer at Dean’s face. There were tears running down his cheeks. “Don’t want you to see me like this.”

Castiel took Dean’s hands in his and squeezed them like Dean had when he took him to see the doctor. Dean met his eyes but nothing had changed, in fact Castiel thought he looked sadder.

Michael returned then with a glass of water and two small white pills.

“Your kitchen it very well organised,” Michael said holding out his offering.

“Sammy,” Dean replied taking the pills and drinking all the water.

“You are going to have an awful hangover so I recommend you get some sleep,” Michael said, taking Dean by the arm and guiding him into the room. Castiel followed, eyes drifting over to the photographs under the windows. There was a pretty woman in them that he’d never met.

Michael was fussing over Dean down, getting him to lie down and tucking a blanket over him.

“Will you throw up?” he asked.

“Probably.”

“I’ll find you a bucket.”

“There should be one in the laundry. By the way, since I know you won’t leave, guest room’s third door up the hall,” Dean mumbled, turning his face into the pillow.

They were staying?

Michael left and returned with a bucket which he placed on the floor by Dean’s head and another glass of water which went on the coffee table.

“I want you to drink lots of water,” he ordered. “Heavy liquor makes you dehydrated.”

“I know that _mother_ ,” Dean scowled then winced. Michael sighed sadly and ran a hand through Dean’s hair the way he did to Gabriel and Anna when they were younger. Castiel moved closer and Michael smiled at him.

“I suppose you’ll be staying down here?” he wondered. Castiel nodded. “Dean, I know you’re drunk and going to throw up later but neither of us have eaten so I’m going to go get some food... what would you like for when you wake up?”

“Greasy food.”

Michael smiled. “I won’t be long.”

He left the house and Castiel looked around worriedly. What if something happened to Dean? He wouldn’t be able to help him without Michael. What would he do?

“Hey, stop thinking so loud, you’re hurting my head.”

Castiel jumped and turned to Dean to find him almost-smiling.

“Come ‘ere, you.” His eyes were gentle and Castiel inched closer before dropping to his knees beside the lounge. “No, here.” He patted the lounge and Castiel hesitated. There wasn’t much space... he would be pressed very close to Dean. He shook his head rapidly and Dean closed his eyes. “’kay then...” Instead he reached a hand down and Castiel smiled, taking it in his, this he could do.

“Was wrong,” Dean said. Castiel frowned. Wrong? “Do... I do... you’re my family too...”

Castiel smiled and squeezed Dean’s hand in response. Of course they were family. Michael and Lucifer had said so. And Castiel knew that family looked after each other so now he had to look after Dean. He patted Dean’s hand gently and the older boy smiled, drifting closer to sleep.

He watched Dean closely until Michael returned. They ate quietly and Michael crept upstairs to check on Dean’s father before coming back down. Dean was getting restless and Castiel leant closer, worried. Michael came over and gently ran his fingers through Dean’s hair and he calmed.

Castiel smiled at Michael who sat down next to him.

“He’s going to be a mess for a little while,” Michael said softly and Castile nodded slowly. “He might not be the same. You understand that right? That Dean might not be the same for a little while at least?”

He frowned. Even if Dean was sad he’d still be Dean.

Michael sighed. “It’s okay. We’ll take care of him.”

Castiel pulled Dean’s hand to his face and pressed it against his cheek.

* * *

Dean woke up to a throbbing pain in his temple and a warm weight settled beside him. He opened his eyes slowly, wondering if he need to bolt to the bathroom to throw up but knowing he couldn’t when he spotted the mussed head of dark hair nestled against his chest and the arms wrapped around him.

Huh...

Cas was sleeping next to him.

If he didn’t have such a throbbing headache he’d probably be filled with intense affection and amazement but as it was he was just filled with intense nausea.

He could smell something amazing cooking and he heard Michael’s voice speaking softly, probably on the phone to Lucifer. Dean wanted to get up and, well, he wasn’t sure whether he wanted to throw up or eat but he didn’t want to wake Cas. He looked so peaceful and content huddled under the blanket, his body fitting snugly against Dean’s.

Dean lifted his hand and ran it through Cas’s hair. He stirred immediately and blinked blearily up at Dean, expression adorably confused for a moment.

“I need to get up,” Dean murmured apologetically. Castiel yawned and extricated himself from Dean, stumbling away from the lounge and breathing deeply. Dean looked at him closely. “You okay?”

Castiel didn’t respond for a moment but then he moved back close to Dean, glancing around the room. Oh, he was probably a little disoriented, this had to be a blow to his routine, waking up in a different house.

“Michael’s cooking breakfast, why don’t you go help? I’ll be out in a minute,” Dean said. He got up carefully before having to run into the bathroom. No matter how slowly he tried to get up, he was always sick when he got drunk on whiskey. From the sounds coming from upstairs, he wasn’t the only one hungover. John was awake, stumbling around.

Dean walked slowly into the kitchen and found Michael setting plates of eggs and toast on the table as well as strong, black coffee.

“Lucifer talked me through hangover eggs,” Michael said. “You doing better?”

Dean smiled at the phrasing and sat next to Cas. He put his hand on the table, palm up and wiggled his fingers until Cas got the hint and took his hand.

“I am now,” he said. He looked away from their hands and across at Michael who was looking at him, concern evident in everything about his posture and expression. Dean just looked at him and Michael nodded, understanding his unspoken thanks.

John joined them, pleased to meet Michael and Cas. Cas seemed intimidated by him but it was okay because Dean distracted him – he needed the distraction too – and he just marvelled. John was almost smiling as he and Michael discussed every kind of topic imaginable.

Michael kept telling Dean he didn’t know what he would have done if Dean hadn’t come into his family’s lives. Well, now Dean was wondering what he would have done if Cas and his family hadn’t come into Dean’s.

Michael was the big brother Dean had always needed. After that day there was a new understanding between them and Michael never let Dean and Sam skip out on dinner with them unless they were having dinner with Ellen or Bobby or their dad was home. Dean and Sam had a home with the Novaks, unspoken, but there, and he realised he wouldn’t have to turn to darker thoughts like that without support again.

Maybe he’d spent thirteen years without a solid family but he sure as hell had one now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we have Thanksgiving, the prodigal son returning, Uncle Inias's family and Bobby gets to meet Michael and Lucifer.


	15. Thanksgiving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sowwy *puppy eyes* I did not mean to take so long to update. Many things prevented me but you will be pleased to know my writing bug is back and I have the rest of the story outlined so I'm hoping to be finished by the time I start uni again on 17th of February.
> 
> I'm also going to apologise in advance for this chapter. There is much feelsy angst in it but not terrible, just much. I wanted to write you something nice after... well.... after the mid-season finale *sobs hysterically* but this all needed to happen. But dear god, did I want and need to write something nice so I'll try and get some fluff out after what happened.... (spoilers ahead)
> 
> And oh my freaking god, that hurt so freaking much. At least with Gadreel off with Sam's body it means Dean has no reason to keep Cas away anymore so we will get more gorgeous Destiel. And jesus christ I just.... WAAAHHHH!!! I want my Kevin back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> Ahem, sorry. On with the chapter!

Two weeks after the night they silently agreed not to speak about, Michael called Dean into the kitchen where he was fussing over dinner, looking harried.

“What’s up Mikey?” Dean asked and it was a mark of how stressed he was that Michael didn’t even respond with the eye roll he always did when one of them shortened his name.

“My...” Michael looked like he was in pain for a moment as he turned to Dean with a grimace on his face, “dear, darling brother called me this morning.”

Dean frowned and looked around to locate Gabriel and Lucifer and Michael shook his head quickly.

“I mean Raphael,” he said and Dean blinked.

“Oh, yeah Gabriel’s mentioned him before. What’s wrong?” Dean leant on the counter as Michael wrung his hands together and looked around warily. “Cas is in watching Sam and Gabriel playing _Mario Cart_. Just say whatever it is.”

“He’s coming home for Thanksgiving!” Michael cried out and threw his hands up. “I don’t know if I can deal with this. I mean Inias and the others are coming so I shouldn’t be too worried but Cas doesn’t do well around Raphael and...” Michael rubbed his forehead. “I was going to ask anyway because I hated the idea of you and Sam alone for the holiday but now I really need you to say yes, so... I’d like you two to join us for Thanksgiving.”

Dean smiled, warmth filling him but then the smile faded. Michael raised an eyebrow questioningly.

“Sam and I usually have Thanksgiving with Bobby,” Dean explained.

“Invite him to join us then. The more guests the less likely it is Raphael will cause a scene,” Michael explained distractedly.

“You know, Gabriel implied that none of you get along with Raphael. What’s the story there?”

“I honestly hope you don’t find out, I’d rather you didn’t start a fight with him.” Michael gave Dean an apologetic look. “I’m sorry I’m so flustered. He normally only comes home for the Summer breaks. Never Thanksgiving. When he called and said he was coming home I thought it was a joke, I still hope it is. I hope he cancels or just doesn’t show up.”

Michael tugged at his hair and Dean grabbed his wrist the way Lucifer does when Michael’s panicking. He squeezed.

“Calm down,” he insisted.

Michael took a deep breath and leant on the bench beside the oven. “I’m sorry Dean. The idea of Raphael coming here...”

“What happened?”

Michael studied Dean’s face. “You aren’t going to let this go.”

“Nope.”

Michael sighed. “Raphael’s adopted.”

“Why-?”

“Our father and Uncle Inias were only a year apart and they were very close. So close that they went to the same university and did everything together,” Michael began. “At college my father had a roommate, Uriel. He became Father and Inias’ best friend. After college, Uriel joined the Marines. He served a tour of duty over in Iraq and then he came back to serve here. He got married and had a son, Raphael. Uriel’s wife was killed in a car accident when Raphael was still very young so the Navy gave him time off to get used to being a single parent.”

“What happened?”

“They needed his platoon to go to Afghanistan. Uriel went, leaving Raphael with us. Uriel was killed not three months later. His will requested for my parents to be Raphael’s legal guardians. When Raphael turned five they asked if he would mind being adopted by them. Raphael loved Lucifer and I and our parents, so he said yes, and then he officially became a Novak. Not long after that Castiel was born.”

Dean suddenly felt sick, he had some idea of where this might be going.

“For two years everything seemed alright... except Castiel didn’t talk and he took a very long time to learn to walk.” Michael ran a hand through his hair. “Our parents took him to a doctor who diagnosed him with autism and explained their options. Uncle Inias asked them to let him pay to send Castiel to the Son-Rise Program when he was old enough.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s a special program designed to help them. It’s intensive and very unique and it has produced some amazing results. I don’t quite know everything they do but I know it would have required our parents leaving us with Uncle Inias to go for, a year, two years, I can’t really remember but they didn’t want to do that and our father refused to let Inias pay for it. So they decided they could deal with it. And for six months it seemed that everything would be okay then I watched our father pack his bags and leave. He couldn’t deal with all the special attention Castiel needed.”

“So... Raphael?”

“Our father was the only real connection Raphael had to his real father and when he walked out, there was no connection anymore.”

“But Inias-“

“Raphael doesn’t like our uncle. You’ll meet him at Thanksgiving, I think you’ll really get along with him. He can’t wait to meet you.” Michael smiled slyly. “Rachel informed us of your trip to Kansas State.”

Dean flushed and turned the conversation back on its original course. “So what happened with Raphael?”

“He was resentful towards Castiel but not severely. Then when our mother got sent to the psychiatric hospital and it fell to Lucifer and I to care for our siblings... Raphael didn’t like that. He was uncooperative and downright nasty towards Castiel. As soon as he got a full-ride to Penn State, he left. And he only comes home for Summer breaks which he mostly spends out with friends, not that I’m complaining. When he comes home Castiel becomes even more withdrawn than usual. It’s... I really hope he isn’t actually going to be here.”

“Well, I’m going to be so even if he is, Cas will be fine,” Dean promised.

Michael sighed, a smile of honest relief crossing his face. “Thank you, Dean, thank you so much. I am looking forward to meeting Bobby.”

“Do you want me to bring anything?” Dean wondered.

“Not at all. But if you want to show up early and help out I’d be so grateful.”

“Done.”

Michael smiled and pressed a knife and cutting board into Dean’s arms, directing him to the bench to assist with preparation for dinner.

* * *

The day before Thanksgiving Dean pulled up next to an unfamiliar car in the Novak’s driveway after school.

“Well, shit,” Gabriel commented would-be casually from the backseat but Dean could hear the tension underneath. Dean looked at Cas who was staring at the car with an expression of apprehension.

“What is it?” Sam questioned, looking between the others. Nobody answered him and he frowned unhappily.

It was a long, silent time before anybody moved.

“We may as well get it over with,” Anna suggested. “Who knows... maybe he’ll be all grown up?”

“You say that every time he comes home.” Gabriel rolled his eyes. “Come on Sammy. I’m hungry, out.”

Sam climbed out so Gabriel – who drew the short straw that day and was seated in the middle – could clamber out after him. The three approached the house warily, Sam more confused than anything while Dean just focused on Cas.

“What do you want to do?” Dean wondered. Cas tore his eyes from the car and looked at Dean’s face for a long moment before practically leaping into his lap and burying his face in Dean’s jacket. Dean’s eyebrows shot up and he ran a hand through Cas’s hair. He was trembling. “Hey, it’s alright. I’m right here. I’m not going to let anything bad happen to you, remember?”

Cas nodded slowly.

“Good. Come on, let’s go inside. See if Luci used his day off to bake.”

It took Dean several more minutes to convince Cas to get off him so he could get out of the car but as soon as they were Cas had latched onto him, using Dean’s bigger body for protection as they moved into the house. They moved into the kitchen to find a very tense Lucifer nursing a mug of black coffee.

“He’s not here Cassie,” he said, looking at the way Cas was hiding behind Dean. “He dumped his bags and went for a walk.”

Cas didn’t relax. In fact his hands tightened where they were clutching Dean’s jacket. Dean looked down at him worriedly before glancing at Lucifer.

“Michael?”

“He’s going to be home soon. Before Raphael, I hope.” Lucifer was still watching Cas. “Bobby’s still coming tomorrow, isn’t he?”

“Yes,” Dean confirmed. “He’s looking forward to meeting all of you. Especially Cas.”

Lucifer smiled slightly and got up. He dumped the last of his coffee in the sink and came over to drop down into a crouch by Cas.

“Why don’t you help me cook dinner, Cassie?” Lucifer suggested. “We’ll make burgers, from scratch, the way you like.”

Cas looked tempted.

“I’ll help,” Dean assured him. “I won’t leave you alone. I promise on Baby.”

Cas hesitated but then nodded and Lucifer grinned.

“Excellent.”

Even though it was early they started cooking immediately, Dean and Lucifer discussing his essays for his college applications. Cas began to relax until the front door opened. The three of them all looked around but it was only Michael, looking tired and unhappy. He joined them in the kitchen, accepting the hand Cas held out with a warm, albeit small, smile.

“He’s not here now?” Michael wondered.

“I have no idea where he went,” Lucifer shrugged. “I kinda hope he doesn’t come back. Maybe it was all a hallucination.”

“That car looks pretty real.”

“I could ram it with Baby and check,” Dean offered. Michael shot him a half-hearted stern look as he sat at the table, Cas going with him, still holding his hand.

“I’ll beg if I have to Dean, but please don’t start anything with our brother,” Michael requested tiredly. “As much as you might want to, please.”

“If he leaves Cas alone then we won’t have a problem,” Dean argued stubbornly. Anyone who caused Cas to shake with fear deserved the be beat over the head with something hard in his opinion. Especially if that person was supposed to be family.

“It would be best if you didn’t pick a fight at dinner tonight at least,” Lucifer said. “When Raphael comes home our mother decides to rise from hell and join us for dinner.”

Dean’s head whipped around so fast his neck cricked. He rubbed the spot while staring at Lucifer in horror. He tried to say something but couldn’t find the words.

“Don’t worry, we sit her as far away from Cassie as possible,” Lucifer promised.

“She shouldn’t be allowed near him,” Dean scowled. “Why does she live here?”

“It’s... complicated,” Lucifer tried.

Dean, bristling in agitation, didn’t get the chance to demand a real answer as the front door opened again and they all fell silent, turning to look. Dean tensed up at the sight of tall, dark, severe looking man who walked through the front door. He was shaved bald and dressed in dark, nondescript clothing. Dean didn’t like him.

Raphael looked over at them.

“Who’s he?” he asked, nodding at Dean. Dean went to take a step forward but Lucifer pressed a hand to his chest.

“Dean Winchester,” Michael explained. “A friend. He, his brother Sam and their uncle will be joining us for Thanksgiving.”

“Oh, of course.” Raphael’s eyes swept up Dean’s form then back down. “Rachel mentioned your little miracle boy.”

Dean opened his mouth to reply but he felt movement and looked down in time to move his arm so Cas could wrap his around Dean’s waist and hide against him.

“I’m going to unpack.”

Raphael left then and Dean slumped back against the counter, running a hand absently through Cas’ hair.

“Well, now you’ve met our darling brother,” Lucifer sighed.

What followed was probably the most awkward dinner Dean had ever attended and he could still remember the dinners with Bobby and John after their falling out years ago. Nobody spoke for a long time so the only sound was that of cutlery on plates and chewing. Dean sat between Gabriel and Cas, with Michael on Cas’s other side.

Gabriel was tearing at his burger with far too much savageness as he stared down the table at Raphael and Melissa. Cas was simply picking bits of bread off his bun and occasionally eating a bite of the hamburger patty. The only person eating possibly less than Cas was Michael who was just staring at his plate.

Dean glanced over at Sam sitting next to Anna and Lucifer. He was glancing around the table warily. Sam didn’t know the story behind the Novak mother and Michael’s legal guardianship of his siblings. Nor did he know the story behind Raphael. So the poor kid was incredibly confused but definitely smart enough not to be the first one to speak.

Cas sat back and pushed his plate away. Dean and Michael both looked at him worriedly.

“You not hungry buddy?” Dean asked. All eyes except Raphael’s drifted over to them.

Cas shook his head miserably.

“Would you rather something else?” Michael wondered. “There’s leftover cottage pie.”

Cas shook his head again, staring down at his hands in his lap.

“There you go, babying him again...”

Dean turned slowly to look at Raphael, hands clenching into hard fists on the table.

“You wanna say that again?” he asked darkly. Raphael raised his head, one eyebrow arched in a challenge.

“I don’t know who you think you are, Winchester-“

“Dean, I feel really sick.”

Sam’s voice cut through the tension at the table and suddenly Gabriel and Michael were at the teen’s side, Michael pressing his wrist to Sam’s forehead to check for a temperature and Gabriel offering him a glass of cool water.

“You don’t feel hot,” Michael said.

“We have ginger ale in the fridge,” Anna said. “It should settle your stomach.”

There was movement as Michael and Gabriel moved Sam upstairs to lie down, Anna went to the kitchen to pour Sam a drink. Lucifer began clearing the table, shooting Dean a meaningful look.

Cas was getting up and heading towards the stairs. Dean followed him, glowering heavily at Raphael as he went. He wanted nothing more than to punch him in his smug face but he went with Cas instead. Cas was heading to Gabriel’s room where Sam was being settled into the bed.

“You okay, kid?” Dean questioned as they entered.

“Just not feeling good,” Sam shrugged. Dean frowned at him. He looked perfectly fine. In fact he seemed more than happy with Gabriel fussing over him the way he was. There was probably nothing wrong with him but Dean wasn’t going to give him away. He’d acted in perfect timing, giving everyone a reason to disperse without making it even worse. Dean was going to buy him that book he’d been eyeing off for the last month as a thank you.

Cas went to Sam’s side and reached out slowly, patting him on the shoulder a couple of times before backing off. Sam smiled warmly at him.

“I’m okay,” Sam assured him.

Anna and Lucifer joined them then with a glass of ginger ale and a bowl of water and a washer respectively. Lucifer made Sam sit up and put the damp washer on the back of his neck. Sam smiled at him gratefully and sipped at the ginger ale Anna passed him.

“If you need anything you let me know,” Michael said, arms folded. Dean could see the traces of a smile playing around his mouth. He wasn’t fooled. He practically raised Gabriel, he probably knew what fake sickness looked like a mile off. “Are you things for tonight in the car?”

“I brought them in,” Sam replied.

“You think you’ll be okay to eat Thanksgiving lunch?” Anna wondered.

“Luci makes the best pumpkin pie you’ll ever eat,” Gabriel added.

“Really?” Dean looked at Lucifer sharply. “Why have you been hiding you pie skills?”

“He knew he’d be your personal slave if he told,” Sam teased. “I should be fine. It’s probably just a little indigestion. You don’t have to hover.”

“Okay, everyone out. Let him lie quietly,” Lucifer ordered. Sam plucked at Dean’s sleeve and he leant down closer.

“Don’t start a fight, Dean, please,” Sam begged.

“I’ll try,” Dean said half heartedly. Truthfully, he knew he’d probably end up getting into it with Raphael before lunch was even on the table the next day. “Thanks anyway.”

Sam smiled ruefully and turned to Gabriel who was bringing a chess set over to the bed.

Dean and Cas left the room and Dean looked down at his friend.

“You need to eat something. Why don’t I take you somewhere to eat?” Dean offered. “Jo and Ash’s mum makes the best burgers ever.”

Cas looked up at him and then shook his head. Instead he took Dean’s hand and pulled him into his room. They ended up curled up on Cas’s bed, Dean reading softly as Cas snuggled against him, still trembling a little every now and then. Dean had promised to protect him, to make sure he didn’t have to be scared.

He scowled to himself as he realised he wasn’t doing a very good job.

* * *

Dean and Cas were both startled into the world of the waking by his bedroom door bursting open and a bright, overly-enthusiastic voice crying “Cassie!”

Dean was staring around warily. Cas looked terrified for a moment until he focused on the figure in the door and then he smiled. Dean stared at him in amazement. It wasn’t a shy or sad smile. It was bright, warm and welcoming. He climbed out of the bed to cross the room to the blonde teen who beamed down at him.

“Long time, no see, cousin,” he said, moving his eyes to Dean and narrowing them sharply. Dean recognised a warning when he spotted one and he flushed involuntarily as he realised why he was being glowered at.

He realised then that this was the second time he’d slept with Cas beside him, snuggled into his arms. He frowned at the spot on the bed beside him, unsure how he felt about this. Dean didn’t like to sleep with anyone. He usually left one-night stands after the act was done so he wouldn’t have to wake with them clinging to him. But twice now he’d slept soundly with Cas in his arms, not caring when he woke up to find they’d wrapped themselves around each other.

“Come on Cassie, Rachel and Alfie want to see you. And I’m sure Dad would be _very interested_ in the boy sharing your bed.”

Dean felt his face heat again. “Hang on-“ he attempted but the boy had already left. Cas avoided Dean’s eyes for a moment before following.

Dean huffed in frustration. He was starting to wonder if Sam had had a point about Cas’s feelings. Dean shifted uncomfortably. What was he supposed to do if Sam was right?

Clearly whatever he did would end up getting him castrated. He was sure he’d just met Balthazar. And was sure Balthazar didn’t like him one bit.

Dean took his time in the bathroom and hunting down his overnight bag for a change of clothes before going downstairs. There were warm waves of conversation and laughter drifting in from the living room as Dean slowly made his way there. He didn’t think he’d ever heard this family sound so happy. He was surprised they were after the tension the night before.

As soon as he appeared in the doorway his brother greeted him and Cas jumped up, rushing over to grab Dean’s hand and drag him over to the three blondes who had been fussing over him moments ago. They were all staring in shock at the pair’s joined hands.

“Dean.”

He looked up and smiled at Rachel whose eyes were shining with tears.

“Hi Rachel,” he said.

“It’s good to see you again.”

Cas tugged Dean’s hand impatiently and pointed at the two boys. Balthazar, who was still glaring hostilely at Dean, and the youngest must have been Samandriel. He was the youngest in the room, probably a year younger than Sam.

“Okay, Cassie,” Rachel smiled. “Dean these are my younger brothers Balthazar and Samandriel, we call him Alfie.”

“Where does that come from?” Dean asked with a grin. Samandriel shrugged and stood up. He turned and went to tap the shoulder of the last unfamiliar person in the room. He was playing cards with Lucifer and Sam. Dean glanced around the room. Anna and Gabriel were playing chess. “Where’s Michael?”

“Making breakfast with our mum,” Samandriel commented, glancing over and pestering the man again. “Dad, come and meet the guy Rachel and Michael couldn’t stop gushing about!”

The older man looked up from his hand of cards and smiled when he spotted Dean.

“You must be the famous Dean Winchester,” he said as he joined them. His eyes flickered to where Cas was gripping Dean’s hand and his smile widened. “I’m Inias Novak, it’s fantastic to finally meet you.”

Inias offered a handshake and Dean accepted, feeling a little embarrassed. It was difficult enough accepting the way Michael treated him like he was something special. Now there were more people who looked at him the same way.

“You’ve heard a lot about me then?” Dean asked warily.

“Of course. Michael and the others haven’t been able to stop talking about you and how great you’ve been for Castiel,” Inias explained. Michael appeared in the doorway then to summon them all for breakfast. Inias put an arm around Dean’s shoulders and he tensed automatically as the man led him from the room, Cas following along still holding Dean’s hand. “And to see him, far less introverted than the last time we were all together... Dean, you have no idea what that is like. I remember the day my brother and Melissa received the news that Castiel had autism. They were so upset and worried. They didn’t know what to do. How they were going to care for a child with such high needs alongside their four biological children and one adopted son.”

Dean looked down at Cas who was staring at his feet.

“Well... you know how that turned out I’m sure.” They sat at the table, Inias beside Dean and he turned to him to continue talking. “Michael has done a great job but I was concerned at how it was wearing on him.”

They looked over at the twenty three year old who, for once, actually looked twenty three. He was laughing and smiling with a woman who must have been Inias’s wife Hester, Lucifer and Anna as they brought the food to the dining table.

“But now... you’ve lifted some of the burden,” Inias continued, his eyes back on Dean. “You’ve given him hope that he never had before.”

“Hope?” Dean wondered.

“That Castiel will make enough progress that he will be able to lead a relatively normal life without the constant presence of carers and psychologists,” Inias explained.

Dean smiled weakly and began helping himself to bacon, eggs and fried tomatoes, passing each plate to Cas as he did so he could serve himself. Inias looked at him for a moment and then changed the subject to colleges. This Dean was only slightly more comfortable with but was grateful for the change.

Breakfast this morning was a stark contrast to dinner the night before. Even when Raphael came downstairs to eat the atmosphere barely changed. Cas tensed and moved closer into Dean’s side. Raphael luckily said nothing though he did shoot Dean and Cas a condescending look.

After everyone had eaten their fill Michael gathered the dishes and put them in the dishwasher before shooing everyone out besides Hester, Anna, Dean and Lucifer so the five of them could begin working on lunch. Sam and Cas remained at the dining room table. Sam produced a notepad and started teaching Cas how to play boxes.

“When’s your uncle getting here?” Anna questioned Dean.

“Soon,” Dean replied. “He was really looking forward to meeting you guys.”

Michael looked up from stuffing the turkey and smiled. “We’ve also been looking forward to meeting another member of your family.”

Anna and Dean ended up covered in juice trying to make the cranberry sauce and Lucifer ushered them over to the dining table so he could save it before they made a bigger mess.

Cas stole the wash cloth from Dean with a small smile and started cleaning the juice from his face. Dean grinned at him before swiping a finger covered in sticky liquid across Cas’s cheek. Cas blinked in surprise and then huffed unhappily, swatting Dean’s face with the cloth.

Their laughter was broken by the sound of a knock on the door.

Sam jumped up in excitement.

“Bobby!” he cried, answering the door. Dean smiled and glanced over into the kitchen to see Michael wiping his hands and moving out to join them with a grin. Sam was treating the Novaks’ house as if it was theirs. Dean found himself pleased. Sammy really needed something stable in his life and this was it. This place was slowly becoming more of a home for them than their childhood house.

Dean had thought he would never feel that way, that house holding the only memories of his mother that weren’t tainted by her sickness, but being away from that place meant thinking about her didn’t hurt so much. Being able to breathe somewhere stopped the memories from being stained with pain.

He tried to get up to greet Bobby but Cas stopped him, focusing on cleaning Dean up. It didn’t matter since Bobby came over to the table anyway, presenting Michael with a bottle of wine and six-pack of beer.

“Ooh, that’s good stuff,” Lucifer grinned, stealing the wine from Michael.

“What my brother means to say is thank you, Mr Singer,” Michael smiled.

“Call me Bobby, son, might as well,” Bobby grinned. He turned to Dean and raised his eyebrows. “Just what have you been up to boy?”

“Cooking,” Dean smiled, ducking away from Cas’s hand.

“Looks like it,” Bobby grunted. “Is that...?”

“Hey Cas, come here,” Dean got up and pulled Cas over to Bobby with a smile. “This is Bobby Singer, my adoptive uncle. Bobby this is Cas.”

Cas peered up at Bobby shyly before waving once, his hand tightening around Dean’s. Bobby returned the gesture and smiled at him before Dean took him around to introduce him to everyone else. Balthazar was once again glaring at the sight of Dean and Cas attached at the hand. Dean really needed to find out what his problem was.

Bobby noticed Sam’s heart eyes at Gabriel and looked at Dean with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah, I know,” he shrugged. “Nothing I can do.”

Dean was thrilled to see Bobby, Michael and Lucifer chatting as Hester and Anna finished up lunch and began piling the table high with food. Lucifer pressed a beer into Dean’s hand with a wink and Dean looked warily at Bobby who just smiled and mouthed ‘one’. Lucifer also handed one to Gabriel when he looked affronted at Dean getting alcohol.

“Hey, what about me?” Balthazar demanded.

“You’re sixteen and it’s not up to me,” Lucifer responded. “It’s up to your parents and I doubt they’ll let you.”

Dean smirked and laughed which only earned him a darker look and he shrank towards Bobby slightly. Wow that guy hated him.

Anna and Gabriel fell suddenly silent.

“Melissa,” Inias greeted warily and Dean looked up to see the Novaks’ mother joining them.

“Inias, Hester, so lovely to see you,” Melissa greeted. She looked at Michael, her eyes cold. “Is lunch ready?”

“It is,” Michael confirmed darkly. He tore his eyes from his mother and gestured everyone into the dining room to sit.

Dean realised then that he’d never been to a big Thanksgiving before and that this family would have traditions. And sure enough Michael started everyone off giving his thanks out loud, something he and Sam had never done on Thanksgiving.

“Most of all this year I’m thankful for the progress Castiel has made,” Michael said, smiling across at Cas. “And the person who has helped him get there.”

Dean felt his cheeks heating and he avoided everyone’s gazes. They went around the table then. Sam was very enthusiastic about it, pleased to be doing something he’d always wanted them to do at Thanksgiving but Dean and Bobby had always been too uncomfortable with their feelings to do.

Sure enough Bobby merely said a few words, family, his business going well, before passing off to Dean beside him.

“Um... can I pass?” he asked.

“What? No, Dean!” Sam protested.

“If you’re too embarrassed you can pass,” Lucifer grinned, attempting to spur him into speaking.

“It’s just...” Dean shrugged one shoulder unhappily and squirmed.

“It’s okay Dean,” Michael assured him. He looked at Castiel who just took Dean’s hand and squeezed it. Dean felt his cheeks heat even more as Gabriel on Cas’s other side started speaking. They reached Melissa and Dean tensed but she only stated she was thankful for her health before it was Raphael’s turn.

“I’m thankful this is the last time I’m gonna have to come back to this hell you all call home,” he said darkly.

There was silence before Lucifer turned and glowered at Raphael. “Excuse me?”

“I got myself an apartment. It’s why I came back. To get my stuff,” Raphael responded. “I didn’t expect to be shanghaied into another fake family celebration. We all know you don’t actually consider me or Mum family, do you?”

“You ungrateful little-“

“Lucifer,” Michael snapped. He glanced at Bobby, Dean and Sam warily. “We’ll discuss this later.”

“Why not now _brother_?” Raphael responded. “Why do you insist on trying to pretend we’re some kind of perfect family in front of others? Oh right, never mind, it’s because in reality we’re as shitty as any other family but you don’t want your power over us to be taken away.”

Michael flushed and clenched his hands into fists.

“Raphael, that’s enough.”

“Because we all know it’s going to happen eventually. Someone’s going to see how Castiel is still as much of a freak as he always was and take him away from you and then where will you be?”

“You can’t say that about Cassie!” Gabriel snarled.

“Why not? It’s the truth.”

“It’s not!” Sam and Alfie both protested in unison.

“Cassie’s just different,” Alfie added, even though he couldn’t meet Raphael’s eyes.

Raphael scoffed. He opened his mouth and Lucifer shot to his feet. “You say one more word little brother and I’ll toss you out that door on your ass so fast-“

“Lucifer, stop it,” Michael insisted.

“Why don’t we all just sit down and eat?” Hester suggested. “This isn’t really the time-“

“Oh it’ll never be the time. Michael can’t stand being told the truth,” Raphael sneered. “You really think he’s a fit guardian, Inias? I bet if you go up and look in his bedside table there’ll still be a bottle of scotch there, or maybe even several empty ones. I bet-“

Lucifer tried to grab at Raphael but Michael stood and pulled him back.

“Enough!”

Castiel was shifting uncomfortably beside Dean and he got up at the sound of Michael shouting and went to move around the table to leave but Raphael grabbed his arm, saying something about freaks and cowards over Cas’s shocked and frightened shout and everyone at the table burst into angry cries at Raphael but Dean didn’t hear because he was around the table, shoving the bigger man back from Cas before drawing his arm back and throwing the punch he’d been dreaming about since the man walked through the door yesterday.

Silence fell immediately and everyone stared with shocked, wide eyes.

Raphael was bent over, a hand on his mouth where Dean’s fist landed. He looked at the blood on his hand and stared up at Dean with a mix of fury and shock.

“You touch him again and it’ll be more than a split lip,” Dean snarled. For a moment he forgot how Raphael was older and bigger than him so he wasn’t expecting it when he straightened up and lunged at Dean, fist catching him harshly on the eye. They went down and Dean was momentarily stunned but as Raphael made to punch him again he threw his elbow up and caught him in the side.

Blows were traded as they rolled around the floor until two pairs of hands grabbed Dean and yanked him off the top of Raphael and another pair grabbed the bigger man as he tried to lunge at Dean again.

“That is _enough!_ ” This time it was Inias who shouted from where he was restraining Raphael with Michael.

Dean stopped struggling against Bobby and Lucifer and just glared, chest heaving.

“Let me at him, Luce,” he snarled. “I’ll teach him to leave Cas alone.”

“You are _frightening_ him,” Lucifer hissed back. Dean froze and turned to where Cas was standing behind Balthazar and Rachel, eyes wide with fear.

“Cas,” Dean said and pulled away from Bobby and Lucifer to go to him. Raphael tried to escape from the hold on him but Inias and Michael pulled him back again.

“Enough, Raphael,” Michael said. He didn’t angry or hurt anymore. He just sounded tired. “Go and get your things. Get them and leave.” He let go and then pushed Raphael towards the stairs before turning and leaving the dining room to who knew where.

“Dean, you’re bleeding,” Rachel said softly when Cas shrunk away from Dean. Balthazar glared and folded his arms, stepping in front of Dean to stop him from getting to Cas. Dean tried half heartedly to get around the blond boy but Balthazar wouldn’t budge.

“Come on, Dean,” Hester said gently, taking his arm. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

Sam went with them when Hester led him towards the laundry, face grave.

Dean turned, hoping Bobby wasn’t disappointed but he was gone.

“That was so stupid, Dean,” Sam said, wringing his hands together. “He could have really hurt you.”

Dean shrugged. “He deserved it.”

Hester hummed as she located a first aid kit in one of the cupboards. “I do believe anyone who’s met Raphael has wanted to punch him but most of them don’t for a reason. Besides, you’ve terrified Castiel and that was the last thing he needed when being around Raphael and his mother already upsets him enough.”

Dean sighed and then flinched when Hester dabbed at what must have been a nasty cut on his eyebrow.

“Sammy, can you go check on Cas, please?” Dean requested. “Make sure he isn’t scared of me.”

“Um... okay...” Sam gave Dean a worried look and hurried off.

Dean looked at Hester who appeared mildly disapproving.

“He touched Cas.”

“I saw.”

“Nobody’s meant to touch Cas.”

“I’m aware.”

“He’s supposed to be family. Family doesn’t do things like that.”

Hester gave Dean an amused look. “Raphael was projecting, Dean. We do consider him family. It’s he who doesn’t consider us family. I’m more concerned about my nephew right now.” Dean raised an eyebrow and then flinched when it hurt. Hester laughed. “Michael.”

“Oh.”

“Yes.” She sighed. “Lucifer told us he wasn’t drinking anymore but I don’t think that mattered with Raphael bringing it up in front of you, Sam and Bobby.”

“He has a drinking problem?”

“Not a problem perse. But we were worried he might go that way. He drinks when stressed which is, of course, one of the ways you get there.”

Dean frowned. He knew, of course, he’d seen it in his dad when he was younger. He just hoped his actions hadn’t made Michael’s stress worse.

* * *

The eldest Novak had in fact gone to dig up the one bottle of scotch in the house Lucifer hadn’t gotten rid off on account of the fact that he didn’t know where it was hidden. He’d then retreated to his father’s old study to drink it in peace. If Raphael wanted to accuse him of being an alcoholic in front of their entire family then he may as well go give them some proof.

He was slumped over the desk when he heard the door open.

Michael felt movement next to him and the bottle of scotch was tugged sharply out of his hand. He raised his head, snarl ready to go off at his brother when he noticed it wasn’t Lucifer but Bobby Singer. The man was frowning at him sadly and Michael lowered his head.

“Give it back,” he said half-heartedly.

“Trust me son, you don’t wanna start this,” Bobby replied.

Michael scoffed. “Oh, I know that.” He sat back and stared out into the yard through the big windows in front of the desk and Bobby sat next to him, keeping the bottle safely on his other side where Michael couldn’t reach. “The old man was an alcoholic. So was my mother. It’s genetic you know. Inevitable really so why put it off?”

“That’s coward’s talk, boy, and from what I hear, you ain’t no coward.”

Michael rolled his eyes and looked at Bobby again. He was being fixed with a stern look. Michael had never been levelled with a fatherly look from anyone but Inias and he found himself shrinking into his seat under the stare.

“Lucifer would kill me anyway,” he relented. “He doesn’t want me to end up like our parents.”

Bobby grunted. “You’ve got three younger siblings you’re supposed to be setting an example for. Do they know their parents-“

“Oh they know about our mother, she was drunk when she tried to drown Castiel.” Bobby flinched at Michael’s bluntness. “But not our father, no. He always drank. I didn’t realise how much until I noticed my friends’ parents didn’t drink as much as he did. But then after Castiel was diagnosed... well...” Michael shrugged one shoulder helplessly. “He was as much kicked out as he walked out. Then she started drinking because she couldn’t handle Castiel. Well, look at this, it’s a full family circle. I can’t handle it either. It’s weakness. He had it. She had it. And I’ve got it too. We’re all too weak.”

He pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes, trying to think past the haze from the scotch and the swirling mass of emotions.

“God... Why did I ever think I could do this? He’d be better off without me.”

“I don’t think so,” Bobby replied. “Son, in that house, you’ve got three brothers and a sister who absolutely adore you and are immeasurably grateful for everything you do for them. When each of them said they were thankful for family, it was you they looked at. Even Castiel when he took Dean’s hand, looked up the table at you.”

Michael felt his eyes burning. “I’m not a good parent.”

“You’re twenty three. I don’t know anyone who would be a good parent of teenagers at twenty three. You’re still supposed to be out living it up. But instead you’re taking care of your family. And that, well, that takes a kind of selfless courage this world could use a whole lot more of.”

Michael tried not to smile and has to brush some escapee tears away.

“And more than that. _Anybody_ who could convince Dean that college is a good idea... well, they have my highest opinion and thanks.” Bobby smiled. “I spent years trying to make that boy believe he was more than his daddy thought but he wouldn’t listen to me. A few months with you and your family and suddenly, I can see it in his eyes, he’s starting to realise how much he’s worth.”

“That’s all Castiel,” Michael said gently. “He has a beautiful heart. I think Dean needed that in his life as much as Castiel needed Dean’s acceptance.”

Bobby nodded. “I think you’re right. But regardless, they both need you. So does your twin, so do Gabriel and Anna. And so does Sam too. I’ve never seen that boy so relaxed and happy. He’s at home in your home. Dean notices that too and nothing means more to him than Sam’s happiness. My boys are happy here with you. Your siblings are happy with you. Would you really try and take that away from them? Dean’s not the only one who needs to realise he’s worth so much more than he believes.”

Michael shook his head slowly. “I don’t-“

“Boy, don’t make me say it again. I don’t say anything I don’t mean and I don’t ever say anything like this without it being true.”

Michael huffed out a laugh. “Well, okay then.” He rubbed his eyes and eyed the scotch bottle. “Give that here.”

He took it and went to the window, opening it. The rush of crisp, November air helped sober him up and stopped the burn of tears in his eyes. He poured the amber liquid into the garden bed below the window and glanced back at Bobby. How could a man he’d only just met think so highly of him? Regardless, Michael didn’t want to prove him wrong, for once he’d like to prove someone’s good opinion of him right. Starting with this.

No more drinking. And this time he’d stick to it. Lucifer would probably punch him if he knew he’d stashed a bottle in the house anyway.

“Okay, let’s go eat that turkey,” Bobby said when Michael tossed the bottle.

* * *

Castiel stood beside Sam, waiting for Dean to come back from where Aunt Hester had taken him to patch up his cuts. Castiel was very angry with Raphael for hurting Dean. For making him bleed. He wasn’t afraid anymore. He was just angry now that he’d been able to think about what had happened.

Dean had scared him by hitting Raphael but mostly he was scared _for_ Dean when his bigger, older brother decided to attack him. And it wasn’t play fighting either. Raphael had wanted to _hurt_ Dean. Nobody was allowed to hurt him.

Dean was _his_.

Hester and Dean finally came out and Cas rushed straight to Dean to hug him tightly. Dean’s hand landed in his hair and he stroked it through a few times.

“I thought I scared you,” Dean chuckled. Castiel shook his head. Dean was safe, not scary. Why would he think Castiel could ever be scared of him? Dean hugged him tightly. “Good. Glad I didn’t.”

“Come on guys! We’re going to eat now!” Gabriel shouted.

Castiel pulled back and looked up at Dean. He looked bruised but he was smiling. Good. He was okay then. Hester and Sam went ahead and Dean bent down, his mouth by Castiel’s ear.

“This year, I’m thankful for you,” he murmured and Castiel felt warmth explode through his chest. He though his heart might actually burst out of him it felt so immense. Castiel hugged Dean around the neck tightly and turned his head, brushing a kiss on his cheek out of impulse. Dean stiffened and Castiel pulled back, eyes down, shaking his head apologetically.

“Uh... it’s okay, Cas,” Dean said softly but he sounded strange. “Let’s go eat, huh?”

Castiel nodded slowly, still feeling hot and embarrassed. He was surprised at himself and worried at Dean’s reaction but Dean took his hand and led him off, thumb rubbing circles onto his hand. Maybe it was okay then. Maybe Dean felt the same huge warmth in his heart that Castiel did. He looked at Dean throughout lunch, wondering how he could go about asking if Dean had the same warmth as he did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter: Christmastime is approaching fast and the truth about feelings loom, confusing and frightening


	16. Christmas Part I: All I Want For Christmas...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a bad updater and I'm sorry. But that's not going to change any time soon so I want to thank all of you so much for you wonderful comments and support and endless patience. Also many thanks to those who've recently joined us and favourited and followed, you make me very happy! I'll try and update quickly but my classes started in three days and this semester is going to be full on so don't hold your breath.
> 
> This chapter is sad. I'm not sorry though because it's necessary. Also don't kill me for the ending. I ended it there for two reasons: I'm _in love_ with the last line (if I do compliment my own talent :P) and also Dean needs a shit-ton of introspection that I didn't want to follow Castiel's little segment. Dean and Cas are so different to write as that I didn't want to jump from Cas's smooth logical approach to Dean overthinking everything, I felt it wouldn't flow properly so Christmas is now in two parts.
> 
> Merry belated Christmas and enjoy!

Christmas snuck up on Dean while he wasn’t expecting it. One day he wasn’t thinking about anything but finishing his last assignments before the break started and the next Christmas carols were blasting out of speakers everywhere he went and garlands were strung up on every shop front in town. And Sam was asking him to take him to Kansas City to go Christmas shopping. Dean took him one weekend and spent most of the day frowning because he didn’t know what to get for anybody.

Sam was easy, he’d been buying a few little things over the course of the year whenever he thought of something his brother would like. Bobby was easy to buy for and he supposed Gabriel and Anna would be too. But as for Michael, Lucifer and Cas, he just didn’t know.

“We’re still having dinner with the others right?” Sam asked at one point. Dean nodded absently as he examined an old record collection. Cas had a record player. Maybe he’d like some vinyl?

“Why?” Dean wondered.

“I want to okay my present for Cas with Michael,” Sam shrugged, looking worried. Dean frowned at him.

“I’m sure whatever you got him will be great, Sammy. At least you knew what to get him. I’m stumped.”

“I can’t help you with that but I can help with Michael and Luce?” Sam offered. “We can get them a joint present because I know what they’d love.”

“Yeah?”

Sam nodded, smiling eagerly and Dean allowed himself to be led off in search of this gift idea Sam had been concocting.

It bothered Dean that he hadn’t gotten a present for Cas, insomuch that he was so quiet thinking about it that everybody noticed at dinner that night. Gabriel asked if he was okay and he nodded, not truly paying attention. He wondered if he should just ask Cas what he’d like but he realised that would be difficult since he’d been a little weird with Dean lately, staring at him more than usual and not responding to him the way he usually did.

When dinner was finished Sam sat with Dean, Michael and Gabriel to show them Cas’s Christmas present.

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay with it,” Sam explained.

“Whatever it is, I’m sure I won’t be put off,” Michael smiled. “So what did you get him?”

“Cas gets frustrated when he can’t communicate what he wants right?” Sam questioned. Michael and Dean both nodded. “I did some reading of my own and found an article about how some therapists have given their patients computers to speak for them or flash cards or something to write what they want.”

“Castiel’s problem is more with words than speaking in general,” Michael noted. “He seems afraid of giving us his exact thoughts.”

“I thought so,” Sam nodded. “It makes sense with his fear of being touched. So I went and got these.”

Dean’s heart swelled with warmth and love for his little brother when Sam produced a large stack of professional picture cards that contained everything Cas could possibly need in times when he had trouble communicating what he wanted. It wasn’t often – his siblings had become very used to reading his wordless desires – but sometimes he couldn’t get his point across and that was when he started to get annoyed and upset with himself for not speaking and making it easier on everybody.

“Sam... thank you,” Michael said softly. “This is a most thoughtful gift.”

Sam smiled proudly and Dean ruffled his hair affectionately. Michael flicked through the cards and then looked back up at Sam with a warm smile.

“I think they will make an excellent present,” Michael nodded. “Make sure you explain why you thought he might like them though.”

“Don’t be offended if he doesn’t use them right away kiddo,” Gabriel warned. “It might offend him at first until he realises you just want to make things easier for him.”

Sam nodded but he was grinning and seemed excited for Christmas. Sam wanted to wrap his gifts so Gabriel went off to help leaving Dean and Michael in the study.

“You seem distracted,” Michael stated promptly.

“I hate Christmas shopping,” Dean shrugged. “I like Christmas and the whole present thing but I’m not like Sam, I don’t immediately know what to get for people.”

Michael eyed him. “You’re having trouble thinking of a gift for Castiel and are annoyed Sam was able to.”

“Stop doing that, it’s weird how well you know me.”

Michael laughed. “Dean, Castiel adores you, whether you get him something incredible for Christmas or if you just do something nice, he will be happy.”

Dean frowned and looked away from Michael.

“Is something else the matter?”

“Cas is avoiding me.”

“Is he?” Michael looked confused when Dean glanced at him.

“Not normal avoiding, he’s just being different with me in a way that feels the same as avoidance does when other people do it,” Dean explained then scowled because his explanation was lacking. Michael seemed to understand though. “Do you think he’s still afraid of me because I hit Raphael?”

“I don’t think so. He still allows you to touch him, he wouldn’t if you frightened him.”

“Then why’s he being weird?”

Michael was thoughtfully silent for a little while. “Castiel loves Christmas. A tremendous amount. And he has been secretive with all of us. He’s probably just working on your gift.”

Dean felt a knot of tension ease slightly in his stomach. “You think so?”

“It’s most likely.”

They both fell silent the soft sounds of the piano in the den started up, drifting through to them. Dean smiled and stood automatically. He missed Michael’s smile and slight eye-roll as he left the study to go to Cas.

* * *

Christmas was drawing ever closer and by the time school let out for the winter break Dean still didn’t have any idea what he should get Cas for Christmas. Which really sucked because it was Cas’s favourite holiday and Dean wanted to see him smile because of the amazing gift he was given from his first friend.

So it was that night, after the trip to see Dr Albert that Dean decided to just cut his losses and _ask_. They were in the mall – Lucifer and Michael wanted to do late night shopping for some last gifts – and Dean and Cas were wandering, Cas happily sipping at a milkshake, barely shaken after his visit with the psychologist. He was getting so much better. He hadn’t even cried when Dr Albert wanted to perform reflex and core strength tests – though he had nearly broken Dean’s fingers squeezing his hand.

Dean glanced down at him as they stopped in front of one of the display windows showing mechanical elves working in Santa’s toy shop. Cas pressed a hand to the glass, eyes lit up with awe.

“You really love Christmas, huh buddy?” Dean wondered. Cas looked up at him, blue blue eyes shining with delight as he nodded enthusiastically. He grabbed Dean’s hand and pulled him along to another display window, this one showing the nativity. It was the most beautiful of all the display windows, fake stars shimmering and the angel Gabriel hovering over the stables. Dean took out his phone and snapped a picture to send to Gabriel with the text: _Is this your night job?_

The response was almost instantaneous: _Screw you Winchester!_

Cas was staring at the display with open adoration.

“Why’s this your favourite?” Dean asked softly, not expecting an answer. Cas squeezed his hand though so he looked at him. Cas pointed at the angel and Dean smiled sadly. “My mum used to tell me angels were watching over me. You like angels, huh?”

Cas nodded and squeezed Dean’s hand again. Dean squeezed back softly and looked back at the display. Cas didn’t seemed like he wanted to move anytime soon so Dean decided to ask now.

“What would you like for Christmas, Cas? I want to get you something special so why don’t...” Dean glanced at Cas to find he was watching Dean with wide eyes. He smiled shyly and tugged Dean’s hand. “What?”

Cas let go over Dean’s hand and pressed his to Dean’s chest instead, right over his heart. Dean frowned. Usually he could read whatever Cas was trying to say but he was a little lost right now.

“Why don’t you show me what you want?” he suggested.

Cas studied him for a moment and – Dean was not expecting his next actions and thus had no time to stop him – stood on his toes to press his mouth to Dean’s. He froze in place, eyes wide open unable to process anything past the feeling of Cas’s soft lips against his. His heart had skipped several beats and was now racing by the time he gathered himself enough to gently push Cas away.

The boy blinked, staring at him in surprise.

“Cas...” Dean began pained and winced when hurt and betrayal seeped into Cas’s expression, his cheeks flushing deep red in embarrassment as he dropped his gaze to his shoes. “Cas, that’s... I don’t...”

Cas remained where he was for two seconds before turning and running off.

Dean swore lowly and chased after him but lost him amongst the crowds hurrying to do their Christmas shopping. He climbed into a table in the food court to look around but was only demanded by security to get down.

His shock over Cas’s actions was now being overridden by worry and fear. What if something happened to him?

Dean fumbled with his phone to call Michael. He and Lucifer were going to murder him. No, they were going to torture him slowly before they even thought of letting him off easy with death. His hands were shaking terribly but he managed to dial properly and raised the phone to his ear.

“Dean, hi, we’re just coming out of Macy’s now, do you want to meet us there?” Michael said.

“Uh... Look... I um...” Dean took a shuddering breath and he practically heard Michael stiffen.

“What?” he demanded sharply.

“Cas ran off. I don’t know where he is and I can’t find him,” Dean burst out quickly and squeezed his eyes shut. Michael was deathly silent on the other end of the phone.

“Where were you when he ran away?” Michael asked instead of the question Dean was dreading.

“At the window displays. The nativity scene. He went towards the food court and that’s where I lost him.”

“Right, he probably headed towards the music store if he went that way,” Michael said briskly. “I’ll check there. Lucifer will check the pet store and you check the book store. Those are his three favourites. If he’s upset, that’s where he’ll be.”

Michael hung up then without another word and Dean sighed deeply. They’d never trust him with Cas again. Hell, Dean would never trust himself. Sam was right. Jesus, why was Sam always right?

Never mind that now. He could panic about Cas’s crush and what to do about it once they found him and got him home – if Lucifer didn’t kill Dean before they got there.

As it turned out Cas was in none of those places and Dean began to feel sick. Between the three of them they ended up checking half the stores in half an hour before Michael determined they would need help. Dean met the twins by the entrance where they’d alerted security and were talking to several guards.

“Do _not_ , and I cannot emphasise this enough, do not touch him,” Michael was saying, eyes narrowed. “Even if he is crying or tries to run away do not lay a hand on him, it will make the situation worse. No loud noises. Don’t shout. Just use his name and tell him I am looking for him and that you will bring him to me.”

“Alright, Mr Novak,” one of the guards agreed. “We’ll let you know if we find anything.”

Dean reached the twins as the guards dispersed and Lucifer noticed him first, expression darkening quickly.

“What did you do to him?” he demanded.

“Nothing... Well, I...” Dean looked away, cheeks heating up as the feel of Cas’s lips on his jumped into his mind. “Misunderstanding...”

“A _misunderstanding?!_ ”

“Lucifer, stop it,” Michael snapped. He was shredding several paper receipts in his hand without noticing. Dean hoped they didn’t need to return anything later. “You’re not helping. Dean has never hurt Cas. I believe him but... why would he run from _you_?”

Michael looked lost and desperate as he turned his eyes to Dean.

“I-“

“Mr Novak!”

They looked around and saw two guards leading a shaken and upset Cas towards them.

“Cassie!” Lucifer burst out, rushing over. He dropped to his knees in front of his brother, Michael and Dean rushing over to stand behind him. Lucifer was looking Cas up and down anxiously. “God, you scared me half to death.”

Michael dropped to his knees too and reached shaking hands towards Cas.

“Can I hug you, Castiel?” Michael asked in whisper. Cas raised his eyes for half a second before falling into Michael’s arms and hugging him tightly. Michael looked shocked before a few tears ran from his eyes and he hugged Cas back, arms tight around him. “You scared me so much, little one. I’m so happy you’re safe.” He was rocking Cas gently and Dean had to look away.

Lucifer stood and was thanking the guards.

“He was in the underground carpark,” one of them explained. “Hiding behind the trolley bay. Once we told him you were looking he suddenly looked guilty and came pretty easily.”

“He’s a good kid,” Lucifer agreed. “He doesn’t like to be trouble. Thank you, so much. You have no idea-“

“All part of the job. You have a good Christmas.”

The guards left and Lucifer reached down to Michael’s shoulder.

“Let’s go home,” he suggested quietly.

Michael nodded and stood, letting Cas go. Cas took Michael’s hand though and clung to his side, avoiding even looking at Dean who felt sick again, a hot churning in his gut that drowned the relief of seeing Cas unharmed.

“Cas,” he tried but the boy turned his face into Michael’s jacket. Michael frowned worriedly but didn’t say anything as they left. Nobody spoke at all on the way home and when they dropped Dean off at his house he slumped into the kitchen, pondering the possibilities of making himself forget the entire night when he stopped.

“Dad?” he asked in shock.

John looked up from his newspaper and smiled.

“Sam told me you were out. How was your night?” he asked.

“Uh...” Dean didn’t want to admit what had happened to himself, let alone his father. “Good... I’m going... bed... is...”

John frowned at Dean. “You’re making no sense.”

“Will you come for Christmas lunch with us at the Novaks’?” Dean asked and then frowned. Would he even still be here at Christmas?

“Of course. So long as it’s not as eventful as Thanksgiving.”

“You know about that?”

“Bobby told me. You seemed tired. I think you should go to bed.”

Dean nodded absently, gave his dad one last surprised look and headed upstairs. He went to Sam’s room and opened the door slightly to peek in. Sam was up, texting and he looked up when Dean opened the door fully.

“Hey, did you finally get something for Cas?” Sam wondered.

Dean let out a deep sigh and shut the door of Sam’s room before leaning on it.

Sam looked worried. “Did something happen?”

“You were right.” Dean slumped onto the floor and barely noticed as Sam got out of bed to join him. “Cas... Uh... well he kind of...” Dean motioned towards his face.

Sam stared, uncomprehending.

“He kissed me. And... I didn’t...”

“Dean, what did you do?”

“I pushed him away. What else was I supposed to do?” Dean wondered, weaving his hands into his hair and pulling sharply, the sting a welcome distraction from the churning in his stomach. He wondered if he might actually throw up. “Then he ran off and it took us forty minutes to find him and it wasn’t even us who found him and I think Luci is going to kill me and Michael’s disappointed which is worse than him being angry even if he won’t say anything and I-“

“Dean, stop, take a breath!” Sam protested, gently easing Dean’s hands from his hair. “Cas is okay right?”

“Yes but he won’t talk to me. Or look at me. Or acknowledge my existence. I missed the signs. I should have listened to you.” He dropped his head onto Sam’s shoulder.

“Well... do you feel the same?” Sam wondered.

Dean’s head snapped back up and he stared at Sam. “I like girls.”

“So?” Sam asked. “I like girls. But I like boys too. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

Dean knew in the morning he would properly process the fact that his brother just came out to him but right now he was more preoccupied with his own life.

“That’s doesn’t mean I do. Cas is... well... it would be wrong. And he doesn’t actually have feelings for me. He just thinks he does.”

“How is it wrong? How does he not actually like you?” Sam demanded.

“Because he’s-“

“Autistic? So? You’re the one always pointing out that Cas is just like us. So why can’t he have feelings for you?” Sam asked. “He can have feelings just like we can and you’re being just like everyone else if you say that he can’t.”

“But, he’s-“

Sam’s eyes narrowed dangerously and he stood up. He folded his arms defiantly and pointed to the door.

“Until you realise that and accept it then go. I won’t give you advice if you’re going to be a dick just like Alastair and his dick friends.”

Dean stood up slowly, shocked at Sam’s behaviour and his words. His little brother just compared him to Alastair. He stumbled into his own room, unable to stop hearing those words and seeing Cas’s expression before he ran off and feeling his mouth on Dean’s.

Was he really just like everyone else?

* * *

“Castiel...” Michael watched Cas moving around his room. He became very concerned when Cas paused by his bed, staring at Dean’s leather jacket. Michael went to move towards him when Cas  grabbed the jacket and threw it across the room where it landed by the wall in a heap before he made a tiny sound of pain and dropped onto the floor, hands on his face.

“Castiel!” Michael moved over to him, kneeling down and putting his hand on Cas’s knee, still amazing he was allowed to do so now after so long without it. “I can’t help if I don’t know what’s wrong.”

Castiel shook his head and pushed Michael’s hand away. He tried not to let it hurt but it did. He had no idea what had happened since neither Dean nor Cas was letting him know and so he felt lost and a little helpless.

“Do you want me to leave you alone?” Michael asked with a soft sigh. Cas hesitated before nodding and so the eldest Novak stood and left, shutting the door quietly behind him but not before he heard Cas let out a quiet sob. It was heartbreaking.

“Well?” Lucifer demanded.

“I don’t know. He’s crying.” Michael rubbed his eyes. He was beginning to wish for a drink but then he shook his head. No, he was supposed to be getting better, not wanting one every time things began to go wrong. Hot chocolate would do instead. That sounded good.

“I’ll kill him,” Lucifer was snarling as Michael began to move absently towards the stairs and down them.

“We don’t know that he did anything,” Michael tried. He couldn’t believe that Dean, kind, compassionate Dean, would ever do anything to hurt Castiel.

“Why else would he be crying? I saw him throw Dean’s jacket too, Michael. I’ll strangle him.”

“Lucifer, stop it!” Michael snapped. “Maybe they just fought. Friends fight.”

“He would have said,” Lucifer disagreed.

Michael half smiled as they reached the kitchen. He turned and pulled his twin into a hug, surprising him and letting go before he had time to return the embrace.

“What was that for?” Lucifer asked, suddenly not quite as murderous.

“Because I couldn’t do this without you. Even if you are overprotective and hot headed.”

Lucifer rolled his eyes but he was smiling.

“So what do we do about this, oh calm and wise brother of mine?” Lucifer asked.

“Well... I think we should wait and see if they resolve it. If Castiel’s behaviour remains affected for much longer then we’ll step in. It’s almost Christmas. He’s always in his best mood at Christmas. Perhaps they will fix it then.”

Lucifer frowned, clearly not in agreement but he didn’t argue so Michael knew he’d go along with it, at least for now.

* * *

Castiel was awoken on his favourite day of the year by the typical sound of Gabriel singing carols at the top of his lungs to announce the arrival of their family. But today Castiel did not feel excited and pleased. He just felt empty.

He looked over to where Dean’s jacket was still lying on the floor and felt a stab of pain in his chest. He burrowed into his covers as his eyes burned. He didn’t want to cry again. He’d cried a lot since Dean had pushed him away.

Dean never pushed him away.

Why had he then?

Castiel was sure Dean was filled to the brim with the same warmth and light that Castiel was around him. But he’s just looked...

He’d looked the way everybody else does when they look at Castiel.

He hated that look.

He’d thought Dean was different to everyone else. He must have been wrong.

It wasn’t long before Gabriel came up to find him. He looked sad.

“Come on, Cassie, it’s breakfast time. Waffles and pancakes and fruit,” Gabriel coaxed. “Then presents.”

Castiel shook his head and pulled the covers over it. Dean and Sam and their uncle and father were coming after breakfast to open presents and have lunch.

Castiel didn’t want to look at Dean. It was just hurt. All the warmth that made him so happy was turned dark and sick. It just made him sad. He didn’t want to be sad.

“Please, Cassie,” Gabriel begged, voice closer now though it was softer because of the blankets. Castiel refused to move. Even when Balthazar and Michael came up once Gabriel left. They left too because he wouldn’t move.

Castiel only wanted Dean but he couldn’t have him.

And he didn’t want Christmas without Dean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: Dean's torn - he doesn't know his own heart well enough to respond to Cas with a clear answer but he doesn't want to be like everyone else. How the hell do people know whether they have feelings for someone anyway? What does that even feel like? He doesn't know but he'd really like for someone to tell him. I know just the person.


	17. Christmas Part II: ... Is You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, I'm updating soon. It's a miracle. It's also that I didn't like leaving things on a sad note so... There's a better ending for this one - which I will chat more about in the end chapter notes to give you guys a note on what I was seeing the last scene as in case it confuses or concerns anybody. So see you at the end of the chapter!
> 
> Also big shout out to YJ-Lover on ff.net who came up with the idea for Dean's Christmas present for Cas :)

On Christmas Eve Dean decided he couln’t take Sam’s disapproving looks any longer and he slipped out of the house and went to the Roadhouse. He nodded at Ellen at the bar and looked around. Jo was serving meals to several men with a warm smile and Dean waited until she looked up to get her attention. Jo gave him a curious look but moved over to join him when he snagged a corner table. Jo has been his best friend for a very long time, if anybody can help him with this it’s her.

He’s been thinking a lot in the last few days. Unable to put his mind on anything that wasn’t Cas and how he had kissed Dean. He was filled with anxiety and guilt and confusion and he hadn’t been able to eat a proper meal since Friday.

Jo sat down opposite Dean and looked him over.

“You look like shit, Dean,” are the first words out of her mouth. Dean gave her a dry look. “Well, sorry, but it’s true. What happened?”

Dean pulled a serviette closer to him and began to tear the edges. Jo watched him with a worried look on her face but she didn’t press. Dean had come to see her, he would get it out in his own time. She was good like that, always patient with him when he was being emotionally stupid and repressed.

“Can I guess?” she eventually asked when she deemed Dean had been silent too long. Dean glanced up at her. She wouldn’t guess right so he shrugged. “You found out about Cas’s crush, right?”

Dean’s head snapped up too fast and he cricked his neck. He rubbed the spot tenderly as he stared at Jo. The churning in his stomach was back.

“Did everyone know but me?” he demanded.

“We – well me, Ash and Sam – suspected,” Jo shrugged. “The kid looks at you like you hang the moon and stars, Dean. You protect him and coddle him so it was only a matter of time before he developed a crush on you.”

“I don’t coddle him,” Dean grumbled, cheeks heating a little.

“Uh, actually you do.” Jo smiled. “It’s not a bad thing. People have treated Cas like shit in the past, he deserves somebody to be overprotective and indulgent. So, why don’t you tell me exactly what happened?”

Dean covered his eyes with his head and relayed the story under his breath, cringing as he did so. When he finished it took him a while to feel brave enough to look at Jo but there was no condemnation on her face. There was a tinge of disappointment but mostly it was sympathy. Dean didn’t like either but it was better than he was getting from his brother right now.

“What should I do?” Dean asked.

“I can’t decide that for you.” Jo raised an eyebrow at him and drummed her fingers on the table top, nails clacking as she thought for a moment. “So, you have feelings for him?”

“Why do people keep asking me that?” Dean demanded. “I like _girls_. You know, people with boobs who identify as female!”

Jo gave him a scathing look that very much mirrored the one Ellen gave him when he was being petulant and Dean shrank in his seat, realising he was yelling at Jo for no reason. Man he was messed up right now.

“You wouldn’t be here, looking devastated and angry and confused all at once if you had absolutely no feelings for Cas,” Jo told him calmly.

Dean groaned and thunked his head on the table. “I don’t know! How the hell does anybody know something like that? Cas is my friend. And more than that he relies on me in a way nobody else does. Wouldn’t it be wrong?”

“I don’t think so.” Jo sounded thoughtful and Dean turned his head so he could watch her from the corner of his eye. She was chewing her lip as she stared into the middle distance. She returned her attention to Dean after several moments. “I think, if you went into it knowing that Cas is your equal and that he can take care of himself and, most importantly, you respect him as an equal to make his own decisions then it’s not taking advantage. Taking advantage would be if you didn’t feel the same and used his feelings and dependency on you to make him do things.”

Dean frowned. That sounded better than what he was thinking.

“As for your other questions, I can’t help you. Only you can... and I think Cas could. He clearly knows how he feels about you, maybe he’s the one you should be asking these things of. Only Cas can tell you what he wants and whether that lines up with what you want.”

Dean groaned.

“Okay, can I ask you some questions? Will you answer honestly?”

Dean glared at his best friend. “Do I have a choice?”

The look she gave him was answer enough so he sighed in resignation.

“When you’re with Cas, does it feel like when you’re with me?” Jo wondered. Dean didn’t answer right away so she went on. “Or Sam? Or Cas’s family? How about when you’re with those girls you’re always hooking up with? Which one is it closest to?”

Dean raised his head.

None of them was the first answer that came to his mind followed swiftly but _all of them_. Dean was staring down at the table and Jo stood up.

“I have to keep working,” she told Dean. “But you need to think about that and then go see Cas. You need to talk to him, okay? Even if it turns out you don’t feel the same, he deserves to know you’ll still be his friend and you’re not invalidating his feelings.”

Dean nodded and Jo walked off. He both loved and hated her in that moment. She’d given him a lot to think about which was confusing him even more but would possibly help him figure things out in the long run.

First things first, he had to accept the fact that Cas had kissed him in response to Dean asking what he wanted for Christmas. That was a pretty clear answer no matter what he might refuse to believe. And that meant Cas had feelings for him. That was probably the second scariest thing about this.

The scariest was that Dean wasn’t sure whether or not he returned those feelings.

Feelings were hard for him. Sam was the only person Dean could tell he loved but even then it wasn’t often. Feelings gave people the power to hurt you. They could leave – whether they wanted to or not – and they can use those feelings against you. Dean knew Cas would never do the latter but who knew whether or not they’d always be around each other. It was just easier to not think about it because then it didn’t hurt.

But the fact that it did, the fact that Dean hated thinking about not having Cas around, wasn’t that proof enough that there was something there?

But... Dean had only ever liked girls.

...Okay that wasn’t entirely true. But this is Kansas. Anytime Dean found his eyes straying past soft curves to hard muscles he drank until he was wasted and found a warm, _female_ body to remind himself that he was straight. But looking meant nothing, didn’t it? Didn’t it just mean he could appreciate the human body in all its forms? It didn’t have to mean he was bisexual. Did it?

How he felt around Cas though... that was something he couldn’t wrap his mind around. He felt like he did for Sam – happy, fiercely protective, loyal, it was easy; with his friends – it was fun, he felt safe; but it doesn’t feel like it does with the girls he hooks up with, at least not for the most part. With those girls Dean just wants to get off, there’s no connection. But sometimes there are moments when he looks at Cas’s eyes-

Dean frowned and thought back to Rosie and remembered how fixated he’d been on her eyes. Hell it had been that way with the other girls he’d felt mildly interested in but hadn’t pursued in the last few months. They had all had bright blue eyes, not quite as blue as Cas’s but close enough. Could that be a coincidence? He’d never had a particular preference for eye colour before now.

This was so hard.

How the hell does somebody tell when they have feelings for somebody?

There was one thing Dean knew for sure: he _hated_ Cas not speaking to him. So no matter what that signified he needed to fix it.

But how?

* * *

Sam was feeling nervous about taking Dad to meet the Novaks. He’d already met Michael and Cas of course but Sam had no idea how his dad felt about the people who looked after him while he was away and hardly came home. He supposed it didn’t matter because they were great and anybody would love them but still... he didn’t want John to dislike them in case he stopped Sam and Dean from staying with them.

He was being silly he knew but Dean wasn’t with them and he was worried that Dean’s stubbornness would just hurt himself and Cas more so that was wearing on him and making him more prone to ridiculous thoughts.

Lucifer answered the door when they arrived, looking pleased to see Sam. Sam submitted to Luci’s hug and smiled into his shoulder. Lucifer was really good at hugging and his hugs always made Sam feel better.

“Dean didn’t come?” Lucifer questioned when he released Sam.

“He wouldn’t leave his room,” Sam sighed softly. Lucifer nodded sadly.

“Neither would Cassie.” He allowed himself one more moment of sadness before smiling at John. “And you must be Dean and Sam’s father. I’m Lucifer Novak, if my name makes you uncomfortable feel free to call me Luci. Everyone but my twin does.”

John smiled. “It’s good to meet you. I gotta thank you for looking after my boys.”

Lucifer’s lips pressed together for a moment – Sam knew he and Michael disapproved of John’s absence from their lives – but it passed too quickly for John to notice and he invited them into the house and sent them towards the living room where present exchanges were about to begin.

“Luce... can I go give Cas his present?” Sam asked quietly. “I’ll be back down soon but I just want him to get it now.”

Lucifer hesitated a moment and then nodded. “He won’t talk to any of us so you’re very welcome to try.”

Sam smiled and passed Lucifer the bag containing the other presents before heading upstairs and to Cas’s room. Sam knocked quietly before going in.

“Cas, it’s Sam,” he said gently. “Do you mind if I come over there? I realise you want to be alone but I have your present... I’d like to give it to you.”

He waited halfway across the room, deciding that if Cas didn’t respond he’d leave the gift on his desk and go downstairs. He let out a breath after several moments of nothing from the lump under the covers that had to be the youngest Novak. He moved to deposit the wrapped box on Cas’s desk when he shifted. Sam waited and Cas rolled over beneath his covers and peered out from the top, only his eyes and mussed hair visible.

Sam smiled brightly at him and moved closer. Cas didn’t object so he went to the bed and sat on the edge. His heart panged when he noticed Dean’s jacket across the room in a heap.

“Oh Cas... I’m sorry,” Sam sighed. “Dean told me what happened.”

The covers were pulled up over Cas’s head then but Sam persevered, Cas needed to hear this.

“Dean’s... well, he’s emotionally constipated,” Sam stated. “He reacted so badly but... you need to understand that he’s confused. He didn’t listen when I told him that I thought you might like him so he wasn’t expecting you to kiss him. I know he’s being a dick but... you need to give him some time, okay? He has trouble acknowledging his feelings and even when he can, he then has trouble expressing them. Kind of like you have trouble expressing what you want to say.”

The covers moved again and Cas’s eyes were visible, wide as they looked up at Sam.

“I know you have trouble with words... so I was thinking you’d like this.” Sam pushed the present towards Cas. “They might even help you have this conversation with Dean that you need to have. Just... make sure you give him some time. Everything will be okay, Dean just needs some help to get there. You and I can give that to him. Right?”

Cas studied Sam for a moment and then nodded before reaching out and curling his hands around the present.

“You open that and then come downstairs with the rest of us. Dean’s not here so you don’t need to worry about seeing him. But I’d like to spend Christmas with you.”

Sam smiled down at Cas again, patted his hand after a moment of hesitation and left, hoping Cas would come down later.

He sat with Gabriel when he returned downstairs, trying not to be too obvious with his dad in the room but he knew he was blushing when Gabriel put his arm around him and pulled him closer to his side.

Lucifer was their self-appointed Santa and Sam laughed when he entered the room wearing a Santa suit and carrying a sack with all the presents in it. He had only given out three presents when they heard steps and Cas appeared in the entrance.

“Cassie!” Balthazar said. He jumped up and made to move over but Rachel grabbed his hand, shaking her head. Balthazar looked disappointed but sat back down. Sam understood, they didn’t want to frighten Cas away when he’d only hesitantly made an appearance.

He went over to Michael and sat nestled into his brother’s side. Michael looked down at him sadly, unable to even be slightly glad that Cas was comfortable being in contact with him when he was this upset. Sam, however, couldn’t stop the smile growing on his face when he noticed Cas was clutching the pack of flash cards Sam had given him.

Lucifer continued his gift presentation, exaggerating it whenever he came to Cas but it had little effect on his younger brother. Sam really wished Dean was there when Michael and Lucifer received their gift of assorted items: Death Star cookie jar (for Lucifer and his Star Wars obsession), skull-shaped cake pan (for Michael and his Halloween obsession) and chocolate taco dessert kit (because everyone in the Novak household loved dessert and Lucifer loved Mexican food).

“I dunno Sam, won’t it be weird eating cake shaped like a skull?” Anna questioned as Michael held up the tin, grinning evilly.

“ _I_ love it,” Michael responded.

“We can hollow out the top and put jelly in for brains!” Lucifer cackled and Michael’s eyes lit up as he nodded in agreement.

Sam flushed happily, glad they’d like the ideas. He’d found the items online and thought they would be perfect for the twins who enjoyed using the kitchen as a stress relief.

Lucifer was getting up, locating the next gift when they heard the faint sound of knocking from the front door. Everyone looked at each other with frowns.

“Who’d be calling on Christmas?” Hester wondered curiously.

“I’ll check,” Gabriel assured them all. “Keep going with the presents, I’ll be back soon.”

Sam pouted slightly at the loss of Gabriel’s warmth beside him when he go up. He strained his ears past the noise of the living room, trying not to get his hopes up, but he was rewarded anyway when he heard the sound of Gabriel’s surprise. It could only be Dean at the door. Sam scrambled up and went out to see and grinned when he spotted his brother.

“You came!” he cried and rushed over, hugging his older brother tightly. “Merry Christmas, Dean.”

Dean chuckled and ruffled his hair before pushing him away gently.

“Yeah, yeah,” he mumbled.

“Cassie’s not happy,” Gabriel confided. “He wouldn’t come downstairs until Sam went up to see him. He probably won’t see you.”

Dean sighed and nodded sadly.

“What did you _do_?” Gabriel asked.

“Uh... I’d rather not talk about it. Is he in the living room?” Dean wondered. Sam’s heart swelled with hope. He eyed the wrapped present in Dean’s hands curiously. When had he found time to get a present for Cas?

Gabriel and Sam took Dean into the living room and he was greeted enthusiastically by everyone except Balthazar, Lucifer and Cas. Lucifer and Balthazar glared and Cas just stared at Dean with wide eyes, looking a mixture of terrified and upset.

“Merry Christmas guys,” Dean said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Cas... I gotta talk to you, buddy. Please?”

Cas looked down at the cards he was still clutching, his hands tightening around them briefly before he looked back up at Dean and nodded hesitantly. He got to his feet and went to Dean and the two of them left the living room.

Gabriel shifted beside Sam impatiently as they went upstairs.

“I’m just going to-“

“Do not even think about it!” Rachel chastised. “Let them talk it out!”

“I was just going-“

“No,” Inias agreed. “Castiel won’t like it if you interfere.”

“But-“

“No Gabriel!” several voices chorused at once. Sam smiled at Gabriel patted his arm.

“It’s okay,” he assured him. “I want to know what’s happening too.”

* * *

Castiel paced in front of his bed nervously before choosing to sit on the end and look at Dean. Dean was frowning over at the crumpled pile of leather by the wall.

“I guess I deserved that,” he mumbled. Castiel felt a stab of hot guilt and he stood up and went to the retrieve the jacket, cheeks hot as he passed Dean. He folded the jacket carefully and then hugged it to his chest, staring down at the carpet and waiting for Dean to say whatever he had wanted to say.

“Cas... can you look at me? Please?”

He didn’t really want to. He’d just remember Dean’s face from Friday night. But he did anyway because Dean sounded sad and Castiel hated Dean being sad.

Dean smiled softly and Catiel’s heart fluttered in his chest at the sight.

“That’s better,” he stated. “Cas... I just... I needed to tell you that I’m... that I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. But you caught me off guard, man, and I didn’t really know what to do or think or...” Dean shook his head, frowning in the way he did when he was annoyed.

Cas took a step back.

“Hey, don’t do that. Come here... please?” Dean held out one hand. The other, Castiel noticed, was holding a wrapped gift. He didn’t move for a few moments and then moved slowly over to Dean, reaching out hand out to accept his. The relief and happiness that spread over Dean’s face made the small ache in Castiel’s chest worth it. He was so beautiful when he smiled, Castiel wanted Dean to be smiling always.

“I’m still confused as all hell, Cas,” Dean was saying, sitting down on the bed and tugging Castiel until he joined him. “You obviously... feel something for me or you wouldn’t have kiss me, right?”

Castiel nodded. He had thought that was obvious. Dean made everything good and bright. What else would he feel other than this intense warmth that filled every part of him until he felt like he might burst? But Sam said to give Dean time and to help him. So he would. Dean helped him all the time, it was time Castiel got to be the helper.

“I don’t... I’m not on the same page as you,” Dean said quietly, staring down at the present in his hands. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot but... I can’t figure it out. I know it’s different, that’s really obvious, but that... well, it scares me to tell you truth.”

Castiel reached out and touched Dean’s cheek. Dean looked up and Castiel touched his chest and nodded.

“Scares you too, huh?” Dean asked and Castiel nodded again. “Well... okay, good. But... I need you to help me out here because... I have no idea what I’m doing, alright?”

Castiel turned to the cards Sam had given him and sorted through them. They were in little books in categories so he found the one filled with images of people doing things together and he showed Dean one of two people holding hands and Dean smiled.

“Thanks Cas.” His voice sounded rough and Castiel noticed his eyes were watery. He didn’t want Dean to cry so he moved closer until he could put his arms around Dean’s neck, hugging him tightly. Dean let out a small, choked laugh and pulled Cas onto his lap, holding him tightly and pressing his face into the crook of his neck. Dean’s face felt a little scratchy but Cas didn’t complain.

“I don’t deserve you,” Dean mumbled and Castiel’s heart ached again. “Why me, Cas? You deserve someone better than me so why did you pick me?”

That was silly. Castiel didn’t pick Dean. Dean picked Castiel. He was powerless to stop himself from feeling so much for the older boy.

Castiel stroked Dean’s hair.

“So... can I ask you something?” Dean said, pulling away but not letting Castiel go. With a nod, Dean continued. “What... can you tell me what you’re feeling? Why you kissed me?”

Castiel frowned. How was he meant to explain it? He looked at Sam’s cards and picked them up to look through them. They really did make things easier. He would need to thank the younger Winchester properly for them. He found several images that were close enough so he turned back to Dean and showed him the first one.

It was a bright red heart.

Dean made a funny sound and his arms tightened around Castiel.

“Okay then...” he sounded weird but Castiel continued and showed him the second one.

It was of a person smiling with the word ‘happiness’ underneath it. Dean smiled and nodded at that one and Castiel showed Dean the last two together. They were a bright shining sun throwing a rainbow across the sky labelled ‘sunshine’ and a roaring fire labelled ‘warm’.

Dean was quiet as he studied those two.

“Huh...” Dean chuckled nervously. Castiel wondered if he understood. “I guess... well, I can relate to that.”

Castiel’s heart jumped and he turned to look at Dean. Dean smiled nervously.

“Like I said, I’m going to need some help but... I promise I’m not saying no. So... since I couldn’t give you what you really wanted, not fully anyway, I got you something else for Christmas.” Dean picked up the gift from the bed and placed it in Castiel’s hands. “Open it.”

Castiel frowned at him and then proceeded to unwrap the paper, careful not to tear it. Dean was patient with him, unlike most people were, and he watched Castiel’s face rather than the present. Castiel moved the paper to the side and frowned at the CD in his hand. It had ‘ _Cat’s Cradle – Kurt Vonnegut_ ’ written on it. He turned to look at Dean, confused.

“It’s one of my favourite books,” Dean explained. “I didn’t have time to do more and it took me all night and most of the morning to do this one – that’s why I was late getting here – but I promise I’ll make you more. I recorded myself reading it. I noticed you like to snuggle up in my jacket when you’re upset so I figured when things get really tough for you and I’m not around, you can have my voice and a good story to escape.”

Castiel looked down at the CD and felt tears burning his eyes. He placed it gently aside before turning to Dean and taking his face in his hands, staring at him, hoping he could convey everything he was feeling in that look.

Nobody seemed to understand him the way Dean did. He was still hurt by what had happened on Friday but he knew now that Dean was just confused. Castiel could understand that, other people confused him with their actions all the time. Castiel could Dean move past the confusion because he knew Dean cared. More than anybody else. Because he understood, or if he didn’t then he was trying very hard and getting very close.

Castiel looked down at the cards and saw the emotion deck and flicked it over. That was the word, the one he would like to use for Dean.

Love.

Castiel loved Dean very much.

He wanted him to know that.

Maybe one day he would tell him. Properly. With words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, just so people know, Dean is not getting off that easy. I know it seems like it but this was just their reconciliation. Cas is still going to be wary about Dean's emotions because he, like everybody else, doesn't want to be hurt and Dean's not quite there yet so he knows it could happen again. Also Luci and Balthazar are still mad at Dean so we'll deal with that. Plus there will be mixed reactions from the others when the developing romance comes into the open, including some surrounding Dean's dubious response to Cas's feelings.
> 
> So never fear, his negative response will be discussed and dealt with, but I wanted to end this chapter on a happy note so I had the boys make their initial reconciliation with Dean emphasising his confusion over his feelings. The next chapters will deal with their fallout properly and we'll see Dean starting to attempt to come to terms with his feelings for Cas. So things will be tense but not heartbreaking for a while :) Hope that makes sense.


	18. New Year

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay new chapter!
> 
> Thank you all so much for being patient and a big special welcome to the new readers who came in on a rather lengthy hiatus and inspired to get crackin' with their wonderful reviews! I am really sorry for the months it took, I started this chapter right after I posted the last one but got stuck and then uni really weighed me down (second year psych classes are KILLER!) and I also haven't been well lately. Got some bloods done yesterday so I'm hoping the doctors can figure out what's wrong with me because I'd sure like to know.
> 
> Anywho enjoy this lovely chapter filled with fluff and cuteness as a reprieve from the angst. But only a short one since we're going to jump back into, well, not exactly angst, but some serious contention in the next couple of chapters. Our boys are picking their way slowly into their new relationship and it's a bit awkward and a lot adorable so I hope you enjoy, especially after the long wait you endured!

If it was at all possible Cas became more clingy and tactile with Dean after their Christmas talk. To Cas’s family it just seemed that Cas was responding to their “disagreement” by wanting to be closer, but to Dean as well as Sam and Jo who knew the whole story, it was obvious he wanted to be clearer with his feelings and needs. And Dean suspected it was also caused by worry he would push Cas away again.

For the most part, Dean was glad for Cas’s behaviour. He would have felt lousy and more confused if Cas continued to avoid him and this behaviour was giving him clear indications of what Cas wanted and needed from him so he could respond far more easily. It was helping him sort through his confusing mess of emotions by just letting himself meet Cas halfway.

But there was a downside.

Lucifer refused to accept not knowing what Dean had done to upset Cas and his brother’s behaviour made him yet more suspicious. The last thing Dean wanted right now was to tell Lucifer that he maybe, sort of, possibly had a _thing_ of some form or description of romantic attachment with his autistic baby brother – he didn’t see that conversation ending well in any way, shape or form.

So on New Year’s eve Dean finally kept his promise to Cas and they escaped Lucifer’s constant watchful eye in the Impala. They drove out to the back roads where Bobby taught Dean to drive so that Dean could do the same for Cas.

“Baby’s an automatic so you should catch on pretty quick,” Dean said as he cut the ignition. He glanced at Cas who looked an adorable mix of nervous and excited. Dean smiled once and got out of the car so Cas could slide across into the driver’s seat. He got back in on the passenger’s side and slid in close – to instruct Cas of course, not to ease that strange tension that took up a spot in his chest every time Cas was more than six inches away from him.

“Okay so, first thing,” Dean said, slinging an arm over the top of the seat so that it was brushing Cas’s shoulders. “Where’s your accelerator?”

Cas looked down and touched his foot to the peddle on the right.

“Good. And the brake?”

Cas touched the second peddle to the left of the accelerator.

“Good. Okay, the car’s in park so we can turn her on. Foot on the brake and turn the key.”

Dean talked Cas through turning the car on, putting it in drive, putting it back in park and turning it off several times before he decided to get him started on getting the car to move off a few feet and then stopping. He looked at Cas’s face when he was going through Dean’s instructions. There was a tiny crease between his eyes for his concentration – he wanted to get everything right – but the deep blue of his eyes was lit up in happiness and a tiny smile was playing about his mouth. He was enjoying this.

“Okay, hands steady on the wheel...” Dean reached over and clasped one of his hands over Cas’s. He felt his own cheeks heat when Cas shot him a quick glance before focusing back on the road. This was awkward. Dean was trying to be open here but every time he did something like this all he could think of what all the possible new meanings. He liked the idea of some of those new meanings but the terror was still there and he wasn’t sure how to balance it all out.

Cas stopped at the end of the road and put the car back in park and cut the ignition. Dean frowned curiously but Cas just turned his hand over under Dean’s and laced their fingers together before looking up at him.

Dean squeezed his fingers gently. “Why’d you stop? You were doing really well.”

Cas shrugged and shifted closer to Dean pulling his hand down to where he could see it, turning it over and examining the way their fingers fit together before his other hand began tracing. Looking at Dean’s scars and calluses from helping Bobby in his shop. He was so focused on it and Dean couldn’t really understand why but he sat very still, fighting back a smile as Castiel continued to play with his hand, curling his fingers and tracing the lines in his palm before tracing them up his forearm, following a vein into the crease of his elbow. Castiel cocked his head to the side, turning his arm and following the pattern of Dean’s freckles. Dean blushed a little at that but remained still and quiet, not wanting to startle Castiel and have this stop.

He had no idea that simple touches, with absolutely nothing else behind them, could mean so much to him. Could fill him with so much warmth that he felt like his heart might explode.

Castiel stopped tracing the freckles on Dean’s arm and looked up, studying his face. Dean almost flinched when he realised what the younger boy was about to do but he held himself very still as he inched closer, raising his hand and tentatively, finger barely touching his skin, traced the freckles over Dean’s nose. Cas usually refrained from touching Dean’s face but today he seemed to feel braver.

Dean shut his eyes, smiling gently, as Castiel’s fingers continued their light path over his cheek. He felt the boy flinch when he reached Dean’s jaw and he jerked his hand away. Dean’s eyes snapped open to find Castiel staring at him in confusion.

“What?” Dean asked curiously.

Castiel took Dean’s hand and raised it to where he’d touched and Dean smiled when he felt his own stubble.

“Oh, I haven’t shaved today, sorry,” Dean chuckled.

Castiel smiled, eyes turning warm.

Dean turned their hands so he could guide Cas along his jaw, feeling the stubble. He started smiling and raised his other hand to touch the other side of Dean’s jaw, truly amused and interested by the scratchy feel of Dean’s five o’clock shadow.

Dean shut his eyes again to enjoy the feeling and when he opened them Cas was suddenly very close to him. Something the boy noticed too, pausing and eyes flicking up to meet Dean’s shyly. Dean licked his lips, heart stuttering in nervous anticipation as he reached and cupped Cas’s cheek, drawing him closer. Cas froze then ducked away, moving off Dean and onto the passenger seat where he stared down at his hands, cheeks flaming.

Dean dropped his hands and dropped his head down for a moment, letting out a breath.

“A little confused here, Cas,” he said after several long moments of silence. “I thought you wanted me to kiss you. I thought _this..._ ” Dean gestured between them slightly, “was a thing where we kiss.”

Cas didn’t answer, or even look over, so Dean frowned at the dashboard. Part of him was relieved but mostly he was just confused with the sting of rejection making itself known. He was trying here and was hurt that Cas rebuffed him. Most of all, he was surprised with the realisation he’d actually _wanted_ to kiss Cas.

The feeling of awkwardness was suffocating.

“Cas, come on, help me out here. Are we... you know, a _thing_? Or did I get it totally wrong?” If the answer was ‘yes’ it would be both a small relief and a massive disappointment.

Cas glanced at Dean then shook his head.

A knot of tension eased in Dean’s chest and he moved closer to Cas, not touching, but needing to close the distance.

“So, what is it then? Why didn’t you let me kiss you?” Dean wondered, voice soft. Cas lifted one shoulder, hands clasping as he stared down at them hard, refusing to meet Dean’s eyes. “Is it because of last time? Cas... I _want_ to kiss you.”

Cas looked at Dean then, what was unmistakably a sceptical look on his face.

“You don’t trust me in this do you?” Dean sighed sadly. Cas looked away guiltily. Dean tapped his hand anxiously on his knee before swallowing down the hurt and forcing a smile. “Right, well, let’s swap sides and you can drive again.”

Cas blinked, looking at Dean warily. Dean smiled encouragingly and the younger boy inched over. Dean rolled his eyes and tugged him until he climbed over Dean. He paused and looked down at Dean’s face, a gentle look in his eyes. He leant down and kissed Dean’s cheek, right near the corner of his mouth. Dean felt his cheeks heat and he wondered if they were redder than Cas’s as the boy finally dropped behind the wheel and prepared to start the car again. His smile was certainly bigger.

* * *

“Where the hell have you been?”

“Whoa, Luci, chill!”

Dean looked up in surprise to find Lucifer glaring down at he and Cas where they were kicking off their shoes at the front door. Cas was staring up at his brother with wide eyes. Gabriel was hovering behind Lucifer, hands partially raised as though he was thinking about pulling the older Novak back.

“What’s the problem?” Dean wondered.

“What’s-?” Lucifer’s eyes narrowed and he poked Dean in the chest when he straightened up, causing him to step back into the door. “How about you taking off with Castiel without a word to any of us about the fact that you were leaving let alone where you were taking him? So where the hell were you for so long?”

“Lucifer, man-“

“Don’t take that casual tone with me, Dean!”

“Luce, seriously, back off,” Gabriel suggested but Lucifer ignored him, stepping even closer to Dean.

He opened his mouth to speak again but Cas forced his way between them, pushing Lucifer back. It was the surprise of Cas touching him more than anything else that caused Lucifer to leap backwards, shock running through his body. Cas had his arms folded, staring bravely up at Lucifer with some trepidation. Dean felt him shake a little as he pressed a hand to his back in thanks.

“What is going on?” Michael appeared behind Gabriel and Lucifer and looked over the group with a frown.

“Your brother just started verbally attacking me,” Dean said with a glare at Lucifer who returned the look. “All I did was take Cas out for a driving lesson and-“

“Driving lesson?” Michael said echoed by Gabriel and Lucifer.

Dean flushed involuntarily. “Uh... yeah... we went out to the back roads and I gave him a lesson. He’s actually pretty good.”

Cas looked up at Dean with a blinding smile. Dean returned it slightly before looking at Michael hesitantly.

“Well then,” Michael said. He breathed out slowly and then looked at Cas with a soft expression. “I guess we’ll have to talk about you getting your permit when your sixteenth birthday comes around.”

Cas lit up and practically skipped over to Michael and hugged him. Michael huffed out a laugh and patted Cas on the head. He still couldn’t seem to get over Cas freely touching him. So far it was Dean and Michael who received the majority of Cas’s touches but Gabriel, Anna, Sam and Lucifer occasionally got their hands held or their arms tugged. Only Dean and Michael got hugs though.

“That still doesn’t change the fact that we had no idea where you were,” Lucifer said, turning back to Dean and taking a step forward now that Cas wasn’t in his way.

“True,” Michael hummed. “But if it was Gabriel instead of Castiel we wouldn’t be this angry. So calm down. Everything’s fine. Let’s just get ready to go, huh?”

“Go?” Dean questioned as Cas came back to him.

“The fireworks in Kansas City,” Michael explained. “We’re meeting Inias and the others there. We do it every year. You’re coming of course, it’s a family commitment, you’re not getting out of it.”

“Oh, cool.” Dean tried to push aside the intense warmth at being called part of the family. “Come on Cas.”

Lucifer continued to stare heavily at Dean as he and Cas slipped away

“He is going to burn me alive if... when he finds about well... you know...” Dean gestured blandly between them as he shut the door to Cas’s room.

Cas returned Dean’s fearful look with a raised eyebrow. It was clear he disagreed. Dean understood why, Lucifer was basically a puppy when it came to Cas, vicious to anybody who meant him harm but he indulged and spoiled Cas with attention and love. But to Dean it was that exact reason why he feared for his life. Or at the very least his dick which he was positive would be the first part of him in danger when Lucifer found out, never mind that Cas wouldn’t even kiss him let alone anything else. An anything else that Dean wasn’t exactly ready for, he might add, what with his whole life of denying any attraction to guys. It was hard to get comfortable with.

Cas changed the subject by picking up the Harry Potter they were up to and tugging Dean over to the bed to read until it was time to go. The difference to before Christmas was that now Cas pulled Dean’s arm around him and snuggled in under his chin to look at the pages as Dean read. Dean smiled and he flipped to the page they were up to. After some time he realised that his hand he was holding Cas with had started to run up and down his side without his consent. It scared him a little how easy this was and how natural it felt but he liked it. Even before they’d started this _thing_ Dean had had moments where he never wanted to let Cas go and this was one of those moments.

* * *

The sun was hovering above the horizon when they reached the place in Kansas City where the fireworks were being held. The sound of chatter and high-pitched squealing of children filled the air alongside the smell of various food vendors.

“Man I could go for a pie right about now,” Dean groaned.

“Dinner first,” Lucifer said. “Hester was bringing a picnic but I think I need to visit that hotdog stand... the pickles smell so good.”

“Let’s find the others and get a place to watch the fireworks then you can all run off,” Michael decided. “Remember to meet back at quarter to so we’re all together for the New Year.”

They found Inias and his family and together the group set off to find the best spot to watch the fireworks that would take place at midnight. They picked slightly sheltered spot at the base of a small knoll and set up the picnic. Dean tried not to bristle with jealousy as Balthazar and Samandriel took Cas away with them to do something they obviously did every year but he was sure he failed judging from the smirk Sam sent his way.

“They’re going to get glow sticks and sparklers,” Gabriel explained, noticing Dean’s preoccupation. Dean just shrugged it off and helped set up the blankets and chairs as he waited for Cas to come back. They didn’t take too long and when they came back Cas tugged Dean’s wrist to him and looped one of the glow sticks around it, smiling proudly.

Dean soon realised Balthazar was not going to leave him alone with Cas, sticking to them and alternating between talking to Cas and shooting Dean harsh glares as they wandered the grounds. There was a row of carnival games set up and Dean noticed Cas stop out of the corner of his eye and stare at one of the prizes: a teddy bear dressed in a leather jacket and sunglasses.

The game involved shooting five of the moving ducks with an air rifle so Dean smiled and got the attention of the man in charge.

Thank you, Bobby, he thought as he aimed the air rifle. Those shooting lessons were good for something other than pissing off Bobby’s neighbours after all. He managed to get all five ducks he needed down quickly, Cas watching with wide eyes and a growing smile. The man took back the gun from Dean and turned to unhook the bear Dean pointed to.

Cas’s eyes grew even wider and his smile bigger as Dean turned to pass him the bear. He bounced on the toes of his shoes before throwing his arms around Dean and hugging him tightly, pressing a light kiss to Dean’s cheek, as close to his mouth as he dared and Dean felt himself blush, glad Balthazar was more interested in the stall nearby selling cotton candy.

“It’s nothing,” Dean mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck but Cas apparently disagreed since he spent the rest of their time wandering with his fingers laced with Dean’s, hugging the bear tightly to his chest with his free arm. Balthazar’s looks of hatred and distrust increased during this time.

Dean thought he saw some kids from school at one point so he turned and ushered Cas and his cousin the opposite direction, no point having a good night ruined by assholes.

When night fell and the ground was lit up with lanterns and colourful lights on all the stalls Cas started to get tired so they made their way back to the group where Hester had produced pie from the cooler for dessert – much to Dean’s delight – and Michael had gone to the Ben and Jerry’s vendor to get several pints of different flavours of ice cream – much to everyone’s delight.

The others drifted in and out to get food and chat.

There was music playing and Inias pulled Hester up to dance. The pair twirled about with laughs and smiles and Samandriel and Balthazar pretended to be horrified while Rachel grabbed Michael telling him he was “too uptight and need to seriously let loose a little, cus” and forced him to dance too.

Dean watched the group around him with a growing feeling of affection. He didn’t think he’d ever get over how happy he was to be a part of this family. It was accompanied by a slight sting of regret that his own family wasn’t like this.

He and Cas were under one of the blankets leaning against the cooler for support as they watched the others. Cas had his bear on his lap but he was leaning into Dean’s space, head on his shoulder and a soft smile on his face. Dean had Cas’s hand under the blanket, rubbing circles into his palm without even realising it.

A corny old song came on and Dean smiled and started humming which ended up with him whispering the word into Cas’s hair as Inias and Hester continued to dance and be the happily married couple Dean had started to see as the image of a good marriage.

“ _’Cause don’t forget who’s taking you home, and in whose arms you’re gonna be, so darlin’ save the last dance for me_ ,” Dean whispered softly and he felt Cas sigh against him. He couldn’t see his face so he wasn’t sure of the reason. Cas tilted his head to look up at Dean, expression soft. There was something inviting about the slight curve of his lips and Dean leant down, fully intending to get his kiss this time when Gabriel and Sam chose to reappear from wherever they’d run off to.

Sam landed half on Dean, laughing.

“I win! I win!” he was shouting as Gabriel dropped down next to him and ruffled his hair.

“Just, kiddo, just,” he responded with a smirk. They rearranged themselves so they weren’t collapsed on top of Dean and Cas. Dean and Gabriel had a short tug-of-war over the blankets that Cas and Sam watched with amusement before they all settled, happily sharing the blankets and chatting.

The rest of the group made their way back to stay at about 11:30 and they all crowded close for warmth.

“So, New Year’s resolutions?” Anna asked. “Who wants to share?”

Dean and Sam exchanged raised eyebrows.

“Do we have to share?” Dean asked, somewhat petulantly.

“Not if it’s too personal,” Hester promised. “But if it’s something you need encouragement for or help then feel free to enlist everyone’s support.”

“I have one,” Lucifer said. “Finish my fucking degree.”

“Language!” Inias chided.

“Distance ed takes so long,” Lucifer groaned. “I’m going to double my credits for the next semester so I can be done by June.”

Michael winced. “Don’t come crying to me when you’re not getting enough sleep.”

“I want to pass chem this year,” Gabriel grumbled.

“I want to get fit,” Anna chirped up.

“You might need to quit the vegetarianism, get some protein on those bones,” Balthazar teased. Anna glared at him.

“I want to get into KU,” Dean said quietly, half hoping nobody would hear. Everybody did of course and Rachel made a sound of happiness.

“You applied to KU?” she asked. “Oh I hope you get in! I’ll be TA in your psych class.”

Dean smiled at her hesitantly. Cas squeezed his hand under the blanket. There were a few jokes about winning the lottery and retiring to a tropical island before Anna turned to Cas.

“Cassie, do you have one?” Anna asked. Cas looked around at his family and then nodded. He dug in his coat pocket for the cards Sam got him for Christmas and flipped through until he found a card that showed two people with speech bubbles over their heads. Everyone craned closer to see properly and the reactions spread over their faces from shock to worry to hope.

Everyone seemed to understand. Cas wanted to talk to them and he wanted to do it by this time next year.

“Okay, we’ll work on that,” Michael promised in a soft voice, reaching out to squeeze Cas’s hand still holding the cards. “I promise.”

Cas nodded, eyes a little glassy as he looked at his older brother. The ten minute warning was announced and it broke into their atmosphere. The others settled back into lighter discussions and Dean leant closer to Cas.

“You’re incredible,” he whispered. Cas blushed and tucked the cards away. “Hey, no, look at me.” He waited until Cas’s strikingly blue eyes were on his. “I’m in awe of you. I know you can do this.”

Cas blushed harder and hugged Dean who felt a little out of sorts. That was one of the most heart-on-sleeve things he’d ever said but he couldn’t find it in himself to be embarrassed. He was too surprised at Cas’s admission of what he wanted to achieve in the coming year.

They settled back into their blanket cacoon, Cas snuggled underneath Dean’s arm and waited for midnight to come around. The lights all shut off and the countdown began and Dean’s heart skipped a beat as he remembered the typical New Year’s tradition. He really wanted to kiss Cas. Twice today he’d been thwarted but it was almost midnight he wanted that kiss.

8...

He looked down at Cas who was watching the sky in anticipation.

5...

Maybe this was a bad idea. Everyone was around. Someone would see.

3...

But their attentions were all elsewhere. Nobody would notice a quick kiss, surely.

1...

Should he?

“Happy new year!”

Hester and Inias kissed. Lucifer jokingly placed a huge, wet kiss on his twin’s forehead while Anna ducked to her cousins closest to her with kisses on the cheek and Rachel leant over to kiss Gabriel and Sam’s cheeks from her spot beside them.

Dean smirked when he noticed Gabriel press a kiss with a loud “mwah!” on the top of Sam’s head, leaving the kid blushing brightly and Dean looked down at Cas again as the first firework exploded above them.

Screw it.

He reached down and tilted Cas’s head up while the others were busy staring at the sky.

“Happy new year,” he whispered and leant down to kiss Cas gently on the mouth, pulling away quickly before anybody could notice. Cas dropped his gaze but Dean could see his mouth curving into a smile that he mirrored before looking up at the brightly coloured sparkles bursting into the sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming up: Who saw Dean and Cas's private moment? Big explosions are coming - and I don't mean the fireworks!


	19. It's All A Mess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ....... I'm sorry?? Heh... heh?
> 
> I really am. Everything got so busy in my life and I'm still really unwell. I have a stomach ulcer. It's slowly healing. And I also signed up for the DeanCas Big Bang this year! Yay! I'm 28k words in and not even halfway done so that's taking up a fair chunk of my time but I promise to give this baby a little more love and attention.
> 
> Also....... *attempts to whisper but ends up screaming* I MET MISHA!!!!!!!!! AND RICHARD!!!!! AND MATT!!! AND MARK SHEPPARD!!!! My friends got me a ticker to All Hell Breaks Loose V in Sydney for my birthday and it was a couple of weeks ago now but I just felt like sharing anyway. I know some of you follow me on tumblr so you probably saw my photos that I put up and heard the story of how Misha teased me mercilessly whenever he saw me that day I just wanted to say something. I still can't believe it happened. And they're all so amazing. Like I don't even have words. It was the most incredible day and the karaoke was so much fun. I can't wait until next year!!!
> 
> Okay, so, let's get on with the chapter, shall we?
> 
> EDIT: fuck, I'm so sorry I forgot to do this and realised I should:  
> TW: ableist comments made about Cas; derogatory remarks about Dean and Cas's relationship. Please don't hate, Luci, I promise to punish him for his callousness but he doesn't mean it, still it's pretty nasty and quite a low blow

They stayed at Inias and Hester’s since it was closer and they didn’t want Michael and Dean driving back late. Michael and Lucifer moved upstairs to the spare bedroom while Hester brought down blankets and pillows for the teenagers to sleep in the living room. Balthazar and Samandriel chose to forgo their beds in favour of joining the impromptu slumber party.

Cas wriggled under the same blankets as Dean and wrapped his arms tightly around the older boy’s waist. Dean chuckled as he tiredly pressed his face into the soft cotton of Dean’s sleeping shirt. He could feel eyes on them and when he looked up found Balthazar glaring but it was different this time. Previously his glares had been distrusting and suspicious now... Dean was concerned that the younger teen was planning his gruesome death right now.

He shook his head and snuggled down into the blankets, holding Cas close and smiling. He still couldn’t find it in himself to believe he could actually have something this good in his life. He was kind of terrified of screwing it up.

The morning came with a huge breakfast and lots of hugs as they left. Dean had Cas, Sam and Gabe in his car and he glanced in the rear view mirror as he pulled out of Inias and Hester’s driveway to see Sam already nodding off against Gabriel’s shoulder. He looked back out the windscreen as Cas waved to his cousins one last time.

Dean noticed Balthazar talking to Lucifer, gesturing angrily towards Dean’s car. He frowned in confusion. His heart jolted, however, when Lucifer turned and glared towards the vehicle. That couldn’t be good. He had no idea what Balthazar was saying but he was already on thin ice with Lucifer, it probably wouldn’t take much to have him punching Dean in the face.

He felt worried and growing steadily more anxious on the drive back to Lawrence. Cas seemed to notice because he slid across the seat to be closer to Dean, bright blue eyes intent on his face.

“’M okay, Cas,” Dean assured him quietly. He glanced in the rear view mirror to see Gabriel also asleep, head resting on Sam’s. He smiled. “Cas, get my phone out of my pocket and take a photo of our brothers would you? We could use some blackmail material.”

Cas frowned and looked back at them. A soft smile appeared on his face and he carefully reached across Dean to remove his phone from his left pocket. Dean bit his bottom lip and concentrated on the road. No inappropriate thoughts about his younger, very new boyfriend. They only shared their – technically – first kiss the night before.

Cas turned around in his seat and carefully lined up the phone with Sam and Gabriel and took a few snaps.

“Thanks,” Dean smiled. Cas settled back in his seat and looked over them, nodding in satisfaction. Dean switched the hand he was holding the wheel with and placed his right hand on the seat, waggling his fingers. Cas looked down and smiled, taking Dean’s hand. He brought it up to his mouth and kissed his knuckles gently.

Dean couldn’t think of a more perfect drive than this. Sam and Gabriel were silent, dead to the world, in the back seat and Cas was awake and settled and happy, holding Dean’s hand and tracing the smattering of freckles on his forearm intently.

Gabriel jerked awake when they stopped at a red light coming into town. He looked around in confusion for a moment and then down at Sam, a smile softening his expression for a moment before he caught Dean’s eyes in the mirror and flushed.

He coughed.

“So, uhm, I miss anything?” he asked.

Dean rolled his eyes and looked down at his and Cas’s entwined fingers. He really couldn’t find much of a reason to get mad at Gabriel if he did have feelings for his little brother. He didn’t like the idea but it would make him a hypocrite so he didn’t say anything.

He pulled up by the Novak’s house and Gabriel woke Sam up. The four of them stumbled inside. Gabriel was planning on go back to bed while Dean and Cas headed towards the den. Cas slid into the piano stool and danced his fingers lightly over the keys, looking up at Dean with a smile.

“Play me anything you want, Cas, I’ll probably fall asleep,” Dean informed him, stretching his arms over his head. Cas pressed the middle C key twice before shifting towards the higher end and beginning to play. Dean loved watching Cas’s expression when he first started playing. Within moments tension that before was invisible would bleed out and he would become relaxed and happy, lost to his music. It was beautiful.

They could hear when Michael, Lucifer and Anna arrived home. Dean was leaning against the wall, studying Cas with his undivided attention so he wasn’t expecting being shoved bodily into said wall and having a forearm pressed to his throat. He struggled against the hold until he realised it was Lucifer and then he froze.

He’d never seen Michael’s twin look so angry and, in truth, frightening before.

Cas gasped and leapt up, tugging at Lucifer’s jacket.

“What the hell, man?” Dean demanded, shoving at the older man’s chest but to no avail. The forearm on his throat pressed harder and Dean spluttered, his breathing suddenly very difficult.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Lucifer snarled, leaning close to him. Dean groaned and struggled weakly. “How dare you!”

“Lucifer!” Michael had arrived. “What happened to talking this out like adults?”

“I lied!” Lucifer snapped, looking back at his brother. “If this asshat thinks he come into our home and take advantage of our little brother then he has another thing coming!”

Cas made a protesting sound as Dean’s heart leapt in shock.

How did he know?

“I’m not-“ Dean’s response was choked off by Lucifer pressing harder on his throat.

“Lucifer! Put him down!” Michael shouted.

“No!” Lucifer glared at Dean, pale blue eyes cold and hateful.

Michael grabbed Lucifer and wrenched him back. Dean dropped down and slid to the floor, choking and gasping for air. Cas’s hands fluttered over him, eyes wide with horror as he knelt by Dean. He cast a furious look towards the twins.

“We said we were going to _talk_ about this!” Michael snarled at Lucifer, pushing him back and stepping between Lucifer and the younger boys. Cas helped Dean stand and they moved away from the wall, close to Michael so Lucifer would have to get past him to wrap his hands around Dean’s throat like it seemed he was thinking about.

“Talk? You want to talk?” Lucifer asked incredulously. He laughed. “Michael, there’s nothing to talk about! This suck fuck obviously gets off on the idea of power. That’s it isn’t it? You befriended Cas to get close to him right? So you could make him think this is what friends have to do for each other? What is it? You like having power over people who don’t know any better?”

“Lucifer!” Michael snapped and directed his twin to look at Cas who was glaring heavily at him, eyes shining with tears before pushing past Michael and storming out of the den. Dean made a move to follow but Michael laid a hand on his shoulder.

“Shit,” Lucifer cursed.

“Indeed.”

“I shouldn’t have said that.”

“That’s true.”

“I’m an idiot.”

“You won’t hear me arguing.” Michael sighed. “Go attempt to apologise. I’d like to speak to Dean. Alone.”

Dean’s heart plummeted into his stomach.

“That sounds worse, Mikey.”

Michael just raised an eyebrow at him and pushed him gently out of the den. He then turned to Dean and beckoned. He led him down the hall to the study.

“Sit.” Michael pointed at the chair opposite his desk before settling behind it. Dean had never felt more intimidated in his life. He’d never gotten the ‘what are your intentions with my daughter?’ speech – thank Christ because the fathers wouldn’t have liked his answer – but the upcoming ‘what are your intentions with my brother?’ speech seemed like it would be worse. And this time he had a good answer too.

“I want the full story,” Michael said after a long silence.

“Well, it’s kind of... Do you have to?” Dean asked, sounding dangerously close to whiny.

“Dean, I am responsible for Castiel. More than that, he is my brother and I’ve seen him very hurt when it comes to you. I think you owe me the full story and just know that unlike my brother, I’m reserving judgement until I’ve heard it.”

Dean took a deep breath to calm himself before he started, hoping Michael would understand like he usually did.

* * *

“Cassie, come on, open the door, please.” Lucifer leant his forehead on the wood of his youngest brother’s door and sighed. He shouldn’t have let his anger get the better of him. Cas was never going to forgive him for saying all of that.

“Luci, what are you doing?” Gabriel emerged from the next room, rubbing his eyes sleepily. Sam poked his head out behind him, also looking tired. Ordinarily this is where Lucifer would tease Gabriel mercilessly but he just winced, the typical jokes hitting too close to home.

“I was a jerk to Cassie and now he won’t let me apologise,” Lucifer sighed.

“What did you do?”

“I...” Lucifer hesitated. “I might have implied he was incapable of making his own choices and didn’t know how to take care of himself.”

Sam gasped. “You don’t-“

“Of course I don’t actually think that!” Lucifer snapped and then groaned when he saw the hurt look on the younger Winchester’s face. None of this was Sam’s fault and now Gabriel was glowering at him. Everyone would be pissed at him very soon if he didn’t start thinking before speaking. “I know none of that is true... I was just angry...”

Sam sighed and moved over. He nudged Lucifer away from the door and knocked.

“Cas? Hey, it’s Sam. Can you open the door for me?” he requested. “I won’t let Luci in, I promise. I just want to talk.”

They all waited quietly before they heard shuffling and the door opened a crack. Sam smiled warmly at Cas, his adorable puppy dog like eyes winning the youngest Novak over as they won everyone eventually. Gabriel shook his head in amusement as Cas reached out and tugged Sam’s arm to get him through the door without opening it wide enough for his older brother to barge in uninvited. He shut the door behind them and Lucifer groaned.

“Why does he like the Winchesters more than us?” he wondered.

“Not more than us, except Dean, but they’re just good to him,” Gabriel shrugged in response. “And honestly? How could anyone not love Sammy?”

Lucifer threw a smirk at his little brother who blushed and slammed the door his bedroom as he disappeared inside.

* * *

“What Lucifer said to you wasn’t nice,” Sam sighed. Cas had his face pressed into Sam’s shoulder and he was crying. Sam was shocked. Cas had held his hands a few times but he’d never allowed them more contact, not like this. Still, it felt nice to be useful and Sam patted his hair the way Dean did sometimes. It seemed to help calm him down. “But you know he didn’t really mean it, right?”

Cas raised his head and gave Sam a dark look before returning to his former position.

“It’s true. Sometimes, when we’re angry, we say things we don’t mean. It’s kind of like... if you’re trying to make someone understand how you feel you throw out what you think will hurt them most. But, Luci’s not mad at you; I can’t imagine him ever getting mad at you. Who was he angry at?”

Cas pointed towards his bed where Dean’s jacket was folded as usual.

“Oh...” Sam bit his lip. “Did... Cas, did Lucifer find out about you and Dean?”

Cas nodded slowly.

“I’m sorry he doesn’t understand... what do you say we go downstairs and talk to him? Try and help him see that you and Dean care about each other?”

Cas shook his head vehemently.

“Okay. You’re angry, huh? I don’t blame you. He’ll come around though. He’s just being protective, like Dean is with me.” Sam hesitated. “Hey, can I tell you a secret?”

Cas raised his head. He wiped his eyes and nodded, looking interested.

“You can’t tell, Dean, though, because I know he’ll get way protective about it. I mean, he sort of knows but I think he’s only joking, if he knew he was right... Promise you won’t tell him?” Sam asked and Cas nodded. “Okay, I kind of have a massive crush on Gabriel.”

Cas smiled slowly and then rolled his eyes, patting Sam on the head in what Sam was sure was meant to be a condescending manner. Cas was spending way too much time with Dean he decided when he blushed in response.

“Are you trying to tell me you knew? Does anybody not know?” he demanded. Cas’s smile grew and he shook his head. “Damn it.”

Cas hiccupped a tiny laugh and Sam grinned.

“Want to play chess?”

The smile he received in response filled him with warmth and Sam hoped Dean won’t screw this up, he kind of wanted to keep Cas.

* * *

Michael was staring out into the garden as Dean shifted uncomfortably on his seat.

“So...?” he said hesitantly, waiting for the swing of the axe. He was terrified that Michael’s first response was going to be banning him from ever seeing Cas again. He wasn’t sure if he could take that. This was all Balthazar’s fault. He had seen Dean kiss Cas at midnight and had told Lucifer that morning. Dean wanted to go and punch him. What business was it if that smarmy kid’s if he and Cas had a thing? They weren’t hurting anybody and Dean definitely wasn’t hurting Cas.

“You have romantic feelings for Castiel?” Michael finally said. “Really?”

“Yes, really. It... took me a little while to figure that out but they’re definitely real,” Dean muttered. He could feel his cheeks heating in response. He wasn’t used to talking about his feeling in such a blunt manner.

Michael sighed and rubbed his forehead. Dean wished he would turn around so he could see his expression.

“I honestly thought I’d never have to have this concern. Not now anyway when he’s barely fifteen.” Michael pressed his hands to his face and his shoulder start shaking. Dean stared in horror, thinking the eldest Novak was actually crying until he recognised the sound as laughter. Was he being laughed at?

“Michael, uh... are you okay?”

He turned around and wiped his eyes. “I’m trying to decide if this is some huge prank.”

Dean blushed. “It isn’t.” He glared and Michael sobered up.

“I’m sorry, Dean, I didn’t mean it like that.” He walked back over to his chair and dropped into it. “I’m sorry Lucifer tried to strangle you. He’s... he overreacts sometimes.”

“Yeah, no, kidding.” Dean rubbed his throat. He knew it was going to be a while before he and Lucifer would be back to the way they were before.

“I’m... I have no idea how to feel about this, Dean,” Michael sighed. He rubbed his eyes. “I’m tired. You’re tired. Our emotions are going to be all over the place. We’ll talk about this again later. Me, you, Lucifer and Castiel. For now, I’ll just set some ground rules.”

“What?” Dean opened his mouth to protest and Michael held up his hand.

“All parents set rules for dating. I didn’t think I would have to for Castiel but I do. There will be an open door policy,” he began. Dean knew that was standard practise. “He has a nine o’clock curfew on week nights and a ten o’clock curfew on weekends. There will be _nothing_ inappropriate in this house and you aren’t to be unsupervised at yours. Understand me now, Dean Winchester, if you hurt him, if you push beyond his physical limits because you’re so used to your easy one night stands it will not be Lucifer who attempts to kill you next. Am I clear?”

Dean’s eyes widened fractionally at the cold look in Michael’s eyes.

“Very,” he responded softly. Michael’s expression softened.

“I know you wouldn’t... maybe not on purpose but I’m still young Dean. I know how it is.”

Dean blushed. “I promise, Mikey, it’s not even on my mind, not really. I mean this whole... bisexual thing... I’m still figuring it out.”

Michael looked a little relieved. “Okay... just... okay...” Michael hesitated and looked nervous all of a sudden. “If that’s the case... I did the same-sex sex talk with Gabriel a few years ago when he came out me. If... if that’s something you want we can... talk?”

He looked incredibly embarrassed and worried and though Dean felt mildly mortified he realised that he was too scared to do an internet search because his dad might check his browser history, he could never talk to John or Bobby about something like that... Michael’s offer was genuine and Dean was almost tempted to talk him up on it.

“Maybe... maybe another time,” Dean muttered. “I’d... thanks, Michael.”

Michael looked vaguely relieved but he smiled. “Sure, another time. Right. I’m going to head up to bed where I belong. I would suggest you do too, but in the guest room please.”

Dean blushed when he realised that Michael was going to be the strictest parent about dating that he’d known. Still, it might be worth it if he kept Lucifer from killing him which seemed more and more likely. It was going to be tense for a while in this house, Dean realised as he went upstairs to find Lucifer leaning against the wall outside Cas’s door. He glared at Dean when he spotted him, who glared back in return. Dean debated going to check on Cas but when he drew closer he could hear Sam’s voice inside and figured Cas was in good hands and he really was tired.

They all needed some sleep before trying to discuss this mess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next time: The dreaded talk is coming up - two different kinds, _the talk_ and The Talk. Also Dean takes Cas on their first real date.


	20. First Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...............I LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> That's right, I am not dead. Sorry if that's what you all thought. I was _very_ sick though and very stressed and very busy. Then I had extremely bad writer's block which seems to be going away. It's not gone completely so I'm not entirely happy with this chapter but I wanted to give you guys something because you've been so patient. I am so thankful for all of you for waiting me out. You're all fantastic and I love you all very much, my darlings. I hope this is worth the wait and I will try not to let it take this long again. Thank you for all the awesome comments that have been left in the meantime, they make me smile so big, I'm so happy please love this story as much as I do!
> 
> I said I was not entirely happy with it but I am very pleased with the middle section, the bit with Michael and Cas. Like I am so happy with it. I love it. Michael is so cute ^.^
> 
> Anyway, there were other things I wanted to say but I've forgotten.... Enjoy!

There was a weird tension at the Novak household over the next week. Cas had refused to spend any time in Lucifer's presence and Lucifer was sulking. Gabriel had had enough of both his brothers' behaviour. Sure Luci had been a dick and Gabriel wanted to punch him but he really was sorry and Cas was too good at holding grudges. Gabriel didn't really understand what the big deal was. So Dean was dating Cassie, that wasn't exactly a shock, any idiot could see how smitten they both were. Any idiot except most of their family apparently. Regardless, Gabriel wanted Luci and Cas to be on good terms again so he orchestrated the perfect plan.

It was very simple really but Lucifer wanted a reconciliation so he wouldn't fight the plan and Cassie trusted Gabriel much more than other members of the family, they all grasped what Gabriel was capable of, but Cas just refused to consider that his older brother might just be pure evil so the plan while without copious scheming, fell together perfectly.

Gabriel simply waited until Lucifer had just poured his first cup of coffee before breakfast on Sunday morning and then slipped upstairs to ask Cas to come and make waffles with him as Michael had brought home strawberries and blueberries the day before. The kid couldn't resist warm waffles with syrup and berries so he accompanied Gabriel downstairs. He froze in the kitchen doorway when he spotted Lucifer leaning on the counter next to the coffee machine. Before he could turn and lead Gabriel caught his shoulder. Cas stiffened but then relaxed after a reproachful look at Gabriel.

"Now, now Cassie," Gabriel chastised as their siblings looked on warily. Lucifer was just gazing at Castiel pleadingly. "Luci was a great big bag of dicks-"

"What did you just call me?"

" _But_ ," Gabriel spoke over Lucifer sharply, "he's family and when family do stupid things and are really sorry for them, we hear them out and forgive them. So, sit down, I'll make waffles and you let Luci say sorry."

Cas actually looked like he might ignore Gabriel and leave anyway and Gabriel half hoped he did, it would be quite interesting to see him be defiant. Dean was such a good influence on Cas, he was learning how to stand up for himself and it was quite adorable. But thankfully Cas's shoulder slumped and he walked into the dining room to take a seat at the table and Lucifer followed him, patting Gabriel on the head and giving him a grateful smile as he passed.

Gabriel and Michael shared one quick look before moving closer to the doorway so they could hear what was going on. Anna rolled her eyes at them and went hunting for the waffle mix.

"Cassie, please look at me, come on, you know I don't think you can't take care of yourself. You know I don't think you're some kind of idiot," Lucifer pleaded quietly. "I know how smart you are, I'm the one who used to sit there and do math with you, remember? I bought you all those physics books when you showed me Isaac Newton's wikipedia page ... Kiddo, please. Look, I guess I said those things, not because I believe them, but because they're what I'm most afraid of..."

Michael and Gabriel exchanged small smiles. Lucifer admitting fear over anything was so very rare.

"I'm so, so scared, all the time, of somebody hurting you or taking advantage of you. And not because I think you don't know any better, but because there are some shitdicks in the world and they would try to because you're so good and so sweet. I like Dean, you know I do but... I mean... he's like me, like I was anyway, and I just can't... Oh, don't look at me like that. I promise I'll try to get used to the idea just... I'm sorry, Cassie. So sorry. I should never have said it even if I didn't mean it. I love you and I think you're brilliant and brave and worth more than most other people in the world put together. You should know that and if you don't then I haven't been doing my job properly and I- _Oh..._ "

Gabriel couldn't resist leaning around the doorway and his heart practically melted at the sight of Lucifer kneeling on the floor next to the chair Cas had obviously been sitting in, but instead of sitting there he was in Lucifer's arms, hugging him tightly around the shoulders. He released his older brother after a few long moments and gave him a stern look before turning and marching out of the dining room in the direction of the downstairs bathroom.

Lucifer ducked his head, trying to be discreet as he dabbed at his eyes so Gabriel pulled back around the doorway to give him some privacy. It was clear Cas was still mad about the hurtful words Lucifer spoke but he had forgiven him somewhat, at least now he wouldn't avoid family time. Gabriel just hoped Lucifer could mend fences with Dean too or else Cas might just stay angry for a lot longer.

Lucifer rejoined them in the kitchen and assisted with the waffle process by preparing bowls of berries and cutting the strawberries into bite size pieces. Cas came back while Michael and Anna were cooking the waffles and he gave Gabriel a small smile before sitting on one of the kitchen benches and watching the breakfast preparations. Gabriel felt so proud of himself that he located the Betty Crocker Milk Chocolate Frosting to eat with his waffles because despite Michael's disapproving glare he definitely deserved it.

* * *

Right up until Dean texting and asking for some help in preparing a date for Cas, Michael had believed the most uncomfortable part of his pseudo-parenting role was a distinct tie between giving Gabriel the same-sex sex talk and giving Anna the menstruation and body changes in young women talk. Now he was completely sure it was the talk he was about to give.

At least giving Gabriel the talk had been quick and relatively painless, despite absolutely mortifying, when Gabriel hurriedly informed Michael (right after the words "anal penetrative sex" had come out of his mouth accompanied by pamphlets from the clinic and book he'd bought online) that porn was a thing he enjoyed watching and his big brother didn't need to go to the trouble of explaining "how two dudes do the frick frack". Michael had backed out of Gabriel's room after leaving him the book and pamphlets to read which his little brother thanked him for a week later, blushing but seeming grateful.

And with Anna despite Michael feeling uncomfortable thinking about women bleeding from their vaginas and all of the painful things that happened to their bodies (he remembered apologising profusely to Anna when he was the one who became horrified at what she would have to go through every month, making her giggle and hug him tightly), she was very mature and took in everything he said then sent him away, informing him she could do research and then ask Rachel any questions and why hadn't Michael thought of getting Rachel or Hester to do that talk? Because he was trying to be a good parent and he also believed he might be slightly masochistic.

So while those two talk had been awkward and uncomfortable for him, he knew this one would be worse because Castiel could not reassure him that he already knew and couldn't make jokes to lighten the mood. His baby brother, as brilliant as he was, was still young and innocent. And he had that stare whenever he was listening to something he thought was important and Michael wasn't sure he could go through with this while Cas gazed at him like that. But he had to. Castiel had a boyfriend now and it was Michael's duty as his parent - brother, damn it, _brother_ \- to make sure he was informed and prepared for the possibility that one day he and said boyfriend might want to engage in sexual relations.

Michael swallowed heavily and knocked on Castiel's door before cracking it open and looking inside. Castiel was sitting on his bed with a book but he was looking up at Michael and smiled at him so Michael opened the door and came inside, closing it behind him, hands behind his back. He'd decided to bring the book he'd bought for Gabriel with him too because Castiel enjoyed learning on his own and discovering things for himself.

"I just wanted to have a chat," Michael told him. Castiel closed his book and placed it on his bedside table before folding his legs and giving Michael his complete attention. Michael chuckled warmly and sat, crossing his legs also and facing Cas. He hid the book behind his back before lacing his fingers together in his lap. "Dean's taking you on a date tonight, right?"

Castiel nodded with a smile. It was soft and his eyes were bright. He was clearly excited even if he wasn't bouncing off the walls the way Gabriel did when he couldn't wait for something.

Castiel tilted his head and narrowed his eyes a little but Michael laughed and shook his head.

"My lips are sealed. But dress warm, okay?"

Castiel sighed huffily but was still smiling so Michael knew he wasn't in trouble.

"Alright. So, this is kind of about Dean but, don't look at me like that." Michael shook his head a little as Castiel began to look defensive. "I approve of Dean, you should know that. I think he's good for you. I think you're good for him, too. No, this is just something to do with the fact that the two of you are more than friends now."

Castiel's eyes widened a little and he tilted his head again, looking confused. Michael shifted uncomfortably.

"When you enter a romantic relationship with somebody... somebody like Dean for example, eventually there's a... uh... expectation for... well... a... uhm..." Michael avoided Castiel's eyes and stared down at his hands but Castiel reached out and touched his finger's to Michael's clasped ones, forcing the older brother to look up at him. "There's... well... you know about sex, yeah?"

Castiel nodded carefully but he was frowning.

"Okay, good. I mean, of course you do, but I can never be sure, you don't like sex scenes in movies so I guess I thought... though that's probably all the skin contact right? ... No, never mind, that doesn't matter right now. Okay, so one day, Dean may want to have sex with you and one day, you might want to have sex with him too... Unless you're asexual... which you could be- there's nothing wrong with that of course- but just in case you aren't.... well... so sex... how it works... er..."

Michael realised he sounded like an idiot when Castiel began trying to suppress a small smile. He was blushing a little but mainly looked amused and a little intrigued.

Michael took a deep breath. He could do this. Castiel was intelligent and he couldn't make inappropriate jokes. It was easy. Explain. Do it.

Michael studied Castiel's eyes and realised this wouldn't be like Gabriel. He didn't need to explain the mechanics. Castiel could read the book and get those facts for himself and then if he was curious he had plenty of people to talk to about it. No, what Castiel needed Michael to talk to him about, was something more important to the youngest Novak.

"Castiel," Michael said gently and unlaced his fingers to take his brother's hands. "I want you to know that one day, if you choose to trust Dean enough to share something so intimate with him, that you need to know what that will mean. And I really hope you would be making the right choice. Sex..." Michael took another deep breath, steadying himself and taking in Castiel's curious yet serious expression. "Sex is something that some people treat casually, and that's fine. But they're not like you. For you, I can't imagine anything you could do that would require more trust and bravery. Sex is the most vulnerable certain people can make themselves. You'd be letting Dean see all of you, and I don't just mean being physically naked, I mean see you emotionally and mentally and spiritually. You'd be letting him in and letting him touch you in ways I'm sure you've never considered. I've seen how much of a struggle it's been for you to trust us all enough to hold our hands and hug us. I don't ever want you to make that decision lightly, I don't ever want you to think it's something you _have_ to do because you're in a relationship with somebody and I don't ever want you to think you have to do it because somebody tells you they want to. It's your choice whether to give somebody that trust. And I hope that if... or when... that day comes, that person loves you enough not to take that trust for granted."

Michael was surprised when Castiel squeezed his hands tightly, eyes bright and smile soft.

"Okay, so that's the important stuff..." Michael produced the book and passed it to Castiel whose face coloured when he read the book's title and observed the front image. Good, if he was that embarrassed maybe Michael wouldn't have to worry about Castiel having sex for a while. "This book is one I gave to Gabriel to read. It covers all kinds of sex but there's a fair bit of a focus on same-sex relations between men. Have a read of it when you're ready. I don't want to make you uncomfortable so we don't need to talk about it but... I want you to be prepared so..."

Michael shrugged helplessly and Castiel looked up at him. He still looked embarrassed but he also looked grateful and Michael smiled.

"Okay, I'll leave you to it. Dean will be here around six so be ready, okay?" Michael suggested. Castiel smiled and nodded and Michael took a chance as he stood up. He leant over and pressed a kiss to Castiel's temple. His baby brother didn't even tense up and Michael felt a swoop of happiness in his chest as he left Castiel to his own devices, staring down at the book in his hands with a mix of horror and curiosity.

* * *

Dean lost count of his clothing changes around the sixth shirt change and eighth jeans change. He couldn't explain why he was so nervous. Man, this was _Cas_ he didn't really need to be nervous but he was. Dates weren't really his thing though and this one, this one was so important. This was their first date but it was also Cas's _first_ date. He had to make sure it was epic and he had to look good.

"Damn it!" Dean cursed, kicking his wardrobe door. He closed his eyes and grabbed one of the discarded shirts and a pair of jeans and held them up, examining them. The jeans were acceptable, dark and a pair that hugged his legs and ass nicely. But the shirt was... wrong somehow. He tossed it aside and hunted around some more. He glanced at the time and swore before hurriedly deciding on a black t-shirt and a green plaid over the top. He grabbed a sweater and a scarf too, because he would need them and raced downstairs.

Sam snickered at him as he ran about the kitchen, collecting a few last minute things before rushing out the door.

"Good luck!" Sam called. Dean shot him the bird over his shoulder before he slammed the door shut and jogged over to Baby. He carefully placed his supplies in the back before getting it, rubbing his hands together. It was early January so it was still freezing out and he began to reconsider his plan but a quick check of his phone showed a text from Gabriel telling him everything was in place so he knew it would be fine.

He drove carefully to the Novak house and knocked on the door at precisely six o'clock. Anna answered and gave him a once-over.

"What?" Dean asked self consciously, clutching his basket to his chest and staring at her. "What?"

"Nothing. You look good. Come on, Cas is in the den with Lucifer," Anna said. She smiled at him when Dean balked. "Don't worry, they made up... sort of. Cas is still made but he let Luce apologise so it's a start. And Michael made him promise to behave tonight."

Anna grabbed Dean's arm and yanked him inside, steering him forcefully towards the den where Dean could hear an old Mozart symphony playing softly. Dean glanced in once and then shook his head at Anna before heading out to the sunroom. Michael and Gabriel were finishing off setting up the table. The room was filled with the soft light of candles and fairy lights and Dean grinned.

"Cheesy," he commented.

"You said 'as romantic as possible'," Michael said and looked around. "Is this not what you had in mind? Do we have time to-"

"Relax," Dean chuckled. "It's good. Cheesy is good in this sense."

Gabriel rolled his eyes.

"You're not gonna get laid like this," he chastised and Michael smacked the back of his head while Dean flushed.

"Out," Michael ordered. "Are you sure this is okay?"

Gabriel grumbled but left and Michael helped Dean take out his dinner supplies. There was pizza and milkshakes for dinner, with brownies and strawberries for dessert.

"I'll make some hot chocolate once you're ready for step two," Michael promised. "Just let me know when. Lucifer and I set up the small burner outside for warmth and there's a heap of blankets and pillows on the porch. Will that do? Stargazing in the cold isn't really..." Michael shrugged a little.

"Tonight's the perfect night for it," Dean promised. "We'll come inside as soon as we get too cold. I have wool hats and scarves and gloves. We'll be fine."

Michael nodded. "Go and grab him. We promise to leave the pair of you alone."

"Thanks, Mikey. This... thanks." Dean rubbed the back of his neck while Michael smiled in amusement.

With that ridiculously awkward gratitude out of the way, Dean returned to the den and announced himself by tapping his knuckles on the wall. Cas looked up and a grin broke over his face as he spotted Dean.

"Hey there, you ready?" he questioned. Cas nodded and scrambled off the piano bench to join him, taking his hand and smiling up at him brilliantly. "We're not going far. I want something simple for your first date."

Cas nodded after a moment of thought and allowed Dean to lead him into the sun room. He looked around with wide eyes and his smile grew soft and pleased.

"Okay so on the menu tonight is homemade pizza that I would like to claim I made but it was actually Ellen," Dean explained, leading Cas to one of the chairs and holding it out for him. He felt silly doing it but Cas looked happy so he cast aside the awkward feelings. "And milkshakes, also made by Ellen. They're strawberry."

Cas's eyes lit up and he drew his tall glass closer to take a sip as Dean seated himself.

"And for dessert we have fudge brownies and strawberries and presumably hot chocolate sauce but I'll have to go heat it up beforehand," Dean explained. "So, dig in. Happy first date."

Cas lifted his glass briefly in response before lifting a slice of pizza and taking a bite. He made a noise of happiness before taking another, larger bite and Dean covered his mouth as he smiled. He wondered when he'd stop finding Cas the most adorable human being on the face of the planet. They ate in companionable silence, occasionally catching each other's eye and Dean, at one point, moved his leg to hook his ankle around Cas's, making the younger boy look up in surprise but blush and smile when he caught Dean smirking and side-eyeing him.

It was probably the most enjoyable meal Dean spent with anybody. No awkward questions or pauses where people are trying to think of more uncomfortable conversation topics. No forced enjoyment. It was just them, just peaceful and content. Dean always loved spending time with Cas but he was by now Dean's favourite person to be around. He never had to pretend or force anything. It was always simple. Dean couldn't think of any feeling better than the one he got from being with Cas.

They polished off dinner and dessert quickly and Dean ducked into the kitchen to grab the thermos of hot chocolate from Michael before returning to Cas and gesturing to the door outside from the sunroom.

"Shall we?" Dean questioned.

Cas looked out the windows and then back at Dean with raised eyebrows.

"Oh, hang on!" Dean grabbed his basket and pulled out a thick, woolly hat which he put on Cas's head before wrapping him in a thick scarf and handing him some gloves. "Okay, grab a coat."

Dean geared himself up similarly and when Cas returned they headed outside. As Michael promised, there was a small burner seat up, warming up the edge of the porch where it wasn't under cover. Beside it was a nest of blankets and Dean had brought an extra couple from inside that wouldn't have been touched by the night air yet. There were also pillows which weren't too cold thanks to the burner. The pair of them nested in the blankets and pillows and Cas looked at Dean curiously in the low light from the burner (Michael had left the porch lights and the lights from the family room behind them off).

"Look up," Dean suggested, placing the thermos down beside him before laying back in the blankets. Cas directed his eyes up towards the heavens and his mouth fell open. Tonight the sky was beautifully clear. It wasn't quite as stunning as being out in the middle of nowhere but it was still a brilliant night to look up at the stars. It was something Dean used to do a lot as a child but it had lost its appeal when he started caring about being 'cool' after his mum died.

"Pretty amazing, huh?" Dean said. "You know anything about the stars?"

Cas shook his head numbly and Dean tugged him to lay back. Cas did eyes raking over the sky in wonder. Dean guessed he'd never really taken the time to look up and really see the stars. Excellent, Dean could show off a little then.

He started listing constellations, staring with one area of the sky and working his way across. Cas following his finger at he pointed, completely rapt. They shared some hot chocolate, sitting up to drink as Dean kept talking, telling Cas stories behind the names of stars and constellations.

They finished the thermos and tugged the blankets back over themselves before Dean looked back up and found where he was up to.

“And then that one’s Orion, the hunter,” he continued, tracing the stars. “He’s my favourite, actually. And that one really bright star on his belt, that’s Sirius. It’s the closest star to us.” The teen chuckled. “Listen to me, I sound like a nerd. But I can’t help it. I love stars and planets. It’s just... it’s nice to think that our tiny, insignificant specks of life aren’t the only ones out there. That there’s still so much out there that we’ve never seen. It’d be cool to be the one who discovers it, wouldn’t it?”

Dean let out a tiny gasp when he felt a warm body curl into his side. He looked down and found Castiel, still gazing up at the stars, enraptured, curving to fit against Dean’s side, a hand clutching at his shirt tightly. Dean pulled his arm from under his head to wrap around Castiel and hold him snug against his side. The younger boy actually smiled and turned his face until he could bury it in Dean’s side, breathing in deeply.

“Tired?” Dean wondered. Castiel didn’t respond. “We can go back inside if you want.” This time there was a headshake. “Alright then, we can stay like this as long as you want.”

Castiel made a small sound of contentment that made Dean grin. He found that warm flame of affection heat up once again until it was smouldering through most of his torso now, flowing constantly and changing him deeply.

How was it that he could fall in love with someone who’d never spoken a word to him?

But he was. He could feel it deep inside him, knew what it was, how to name it now, altering the very core of who he was irrevocably. Nothing mattered more than this small boy snuggled tightly against him, looking happy and calm. Dean couldn’t believe he could be special enough to receive trust from this boy who hadn’t let his own family touch him. That he could make him feel safe enough to let his guard down.

Ellen warned him that autistic people weren’t good at interacting with others and that sometimes they couldn’t feel emotions the same way others did, or if they could then they were unable to express them. And a large number of them had trouble with empathy. But Dean couldn’t see any of that in Castiel. He could see someone pure and beautiful and so inherently good... who just needed someone to understand and be patient so he could find a way to express himself in his own time and his own way.

So Dean just didn’t worry. He held Castiel close and savoured the warmth seeping through him from where Castiel was pressed against him, gazing up at the stars with a smile.

Inside Michael watched them, hand pressed lightly to the window as tears streaked silently down his cheeks.

“Bro?”

He jumped when Lucifer touched his shoulder gently, scrubbing at his cheeks to rid the evidence of his moment of weakness.

“Aw, Mikey,” Lucifer smiled, wrapping an arm around him. “Getting sentimental?”

“You remember how frightened I was that Castiel might be alone forever because there would never be anybody special enough to truly see him and reach into his soul to draw him out? To be patient enough and kind enough to really love him?” Michael whispered, eyes still on the couple lying together on their porch.

“Yeah, you used to talk to me about it all the time,” Lucifer replied. “What? You think you were wrong?”

“Very, very wrong. And I’m not ashamed to admit it for once.” Michael finally tore his eyes away from Dean and Castiel. “Dean Winchester is a gift from God, Luci. My prayers have finally been answered.”

Lucifer stared at him and Michael worried he was about to be chastised.

“You called me Luci...” Lucifer blinked. “Who are you and what have you done with my twin?” He shook Michael gently and they both laughed before Lucifer hugged him, rubbing his back gently. “I always told you that you were crazy. That there had to be somebody out there like that. I guess moving to Lawrence was the best decision we ever made.”

Michael nodded, eyes squeezed tightly shut as he clutched his brother, more tears running down his cheeks in a display of sheer happiness.


	21. New and Good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About half of this chapter is Dean and Cas kissing but it's very sweet. It's also got Dean considering some things, mostly it's the effect of outside opinions influencing his thoughts and he knows he's wrong in his thinking but he can't help worrying. I think it's necessary though, for him to go through this so he can come to a decision eventually that he is completely sure is the right one. Doubt is human after all and he's just an eighteen year old kid falling in love for the first time so you can forgive him for being worried a bit.
> 
> There actually isn't too much of the story left. I'm hitting the last conflict points very soon. There are going to be a few time skips of weeks a time in the coming chapters to move things along but this part of Dean and Cas's story is almost over. There will be an epilogue though and I've got a bunch of one shots of things that I wanted to write but didn't fit into the story to come. Like I wanted to deal with John but this story wasn't about Dean's relationship with his father, so I'm going to write a side story that deals with Dean, Sam, and John later. Also Sam and Gabriel. And some things I had to take out because they didn't fit into my timeline.
> 
> And finally I want to make this clear: I will not abandon this story. I honestly hope it won't take me eight months to update again but I promise even if it does, I won't be abandoning this story. I love it way, way too much to do that. So, please take this chapter of cuteness which ends on a bad note, sorry in advance, and enjoy with the knowledge that sometime soon you will see the beautiful ending I've had planned since I began writing it.
> 
> Much love.
> 
> OH! WAIT!!......... I GET TO MEET JENSEN AND JARED AT THE END OF MAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM SOOOO EXCITED!!!!!!
> 
> Ahem. Sorry.
> 
> Enjoy darlings xxoo

By unspoken agreement, Dean and Cas's relationship was kept between their families. At school only Gabriel, Anna, Sam, and Jo knew they were a couple and Dean decided that keeping it that way was for the best. Cas already copped enough crap from the people around them for being autistic, he didn't need any more for dating a guy. And, though he felt ashamed to admit it, Dean was a little afraid of what would be said and done to him if his former friends found out he was bi.

During lunch Dean and Cas would sit in the library and read Harry Potter as they usually did, sometimes a few of their friends would join them and Cas felt better about that now. But after school, hanging out at Cas's house, Cas would sit on Dean's lap and snuggle against him while they did homework or watched TV with Cas's family. Or they'd lie on Cas's bed, Dean's head pillowed on Cas's stomach while they read together or Dean just talked about everything and anything, Cas listening intently like he usually did.

When his eighteenth birthday arrived John had to be out of town but he left Dean an envelope with some cash and a card that Dean opened with a twisted feeling in his gut, but he tried not to feel too bitter, after all Baby had been Dean's early birthday present. Sam however showed Dean a wrapped gift but didn't let him take it from him, claiming he had to wait for that night. Dean rolled his eyes but smiled. They always went to Bobby's for their birthdays anyway and Ellen, Jo, and Ash would be there. Michael and Lucifer were curiously out when Dean arrived to pick up their siblings for school. Anna leant over the front seat to kiss Dean's cheek and wish him a happy birthday while Gabriel messed up his hair and sang obnoxiously all the way to school. Cas just shyly held Dean's hand and gave him a smile. Dean held his gaze for a moment and mouthed 'thanks'.

The day was pretty normal at school but when Dean arrived at the Novak house after school Gabriel quickly stopped him from getting out of the car and tied a tie around his eyes.

"Dude! What the hell?" Dean demanded, trying to pull it off.

"Nope, you keep it on!" Gabriel chastised. "Come on."

Dean grumbled but got out of the car and he stopped feeling disgruntled when Cas's small hand found his and lead him towards the house. Dean was led into the sunroom where Michael and Lucifer waited with a mound of presents and apple pie as well as cupcakes. Dean couldn't help smiling as they all hugged him and sang happy birthday while he blew out a candle on one of the cupcakes. He opened his presents from everyone and found some movies, a new leather wallet with his initials sewn into the cover, new tools for when he worked on Baby in his spare time, and a gift card for iTunes. He got to the last present which was from Cas and he looked around for his boyfriend. Cas stepped closer to watch Dean unwrap it. It was a new sweater, very soft and very green. Dean held it up to his face and grinned at the feel of it.

"Very nice," he grinned. Cas shrugged. Dean always complained during the cold weather about how he never remembered to buy sweaters when winter arrived. "Thanks Cas."

Cas smiled and then blushed when Dean kissed his temple. He ignored everyone around them exchanging smiles and Lucifer's slight grimace and just focused on Cas.

"I love it," Dean assured him. He turned back to the others. "So, can we eat the pie and cake now?"

"Actually Bobby and Ellen will be here for dinner soon so we shouldn't," Sam informed Dean who grinned. The integration of his families was his favourite thing and dinner that night was the best birthday dinner Dean had ever had. He couldn't think of a time in his life where he'd felt happier.

He hadn't told John or Bobby or Ellen about his relationship yet. He knew Ellen wouldn't care, and Bobby probably wouldn't... But Dean was terrified of what John's reaction would be. Michael seemed to guess these fears because one night, while Cas had gone up to shower after dinner and Dean was helping the eldest Novak put the leftovers away, he turned to Dean with a frown.

"What?" Dean wondered.

"You know that... you always have a place with us, right Dean?" Michael asked hesitantly. He looked nervous, worried about Dean's response to his words. The Novaks knew how much Dean hated talking about feelings but Dean still nodded. "I mean... if you tell John about you and he doesn't react... well... you have a home with us."

It took several long moments for the implication to sink in and Dean had to look away from Michael when it did. His eyes burned a little and he nodded.

"Right... uh... thanks..."

Michael stifled a chuckle and ruffled Dean's hair and the younger couldn't even muster the effort to bat his hand away, far too overwhelmed with the realisation that yes, he truly did have a home here with these people.

Thankfully Cas came downstairs, hair damp and dressed in a soft looking shirt and sweats so Dean escaped with him upstairs. They curled up on Cas's bed and Cas looked over at Harry Potter but Dean shook his head and laid down, rolling onto his stomach and pressing his face into Cas's thigh. Cas patted his head hesitantly.

"'m okay," Dean mumbled. He tilted his head and looked up at Cas. "I don't know how to tell my family I like guys."

Cas frowned.

"I think my dad might throw me out," Dean admitted. A look of anger crossed Cas's face briefly followed by worry. He wriggled down so they were lying together on their sides. Dean smiled as Cas reached out to stroke his face. "Thanks, angel."

Cas blushed a little and Dean filed away the pet name for later use. He was slowly trying out a few here and there to see which ones Cas liked best. It seemed that one was a good one. He pulled faces at 'sweetheart' and 'baby' when Dean first used them.

After relaxing in Cas's touch for a minute Dean reached a hand out and ran it up Cas's side, drawing him a little closer. Cas tensed a little when the gap between their bodies shrunk to a couple of inches. Dean studied his expression worriedly, leaving his hand on the younger boy's waist, thumb rubbing circles on his lowest ribs.

"Is this okay?" Dean checked. Cas's eyes latched onto his, and he looked fearful for a moment before something in Dean's expression must have made itself known because he relaxed and nodded, even shifting a little closer so their noses were almost touching. Dean's stomach flipped a little and his heart started racing. Cas was so close. They had only kissed a few times and it was always quick and it was always Dean kissing Cas. Dean was respectful of Cas's boundaries and he was also grateful, needing the time to come to terms with his sexuality. But he was getting there now and he was starting to want to get to the part where he could teach Cas all the awesome things about kissing.

Dean ran his hand up Cas's side slowly, tracing his fingers over his ribs and shoulder. Dean lingered on Cas's neck, resting over his pulse and smiling when he felt it racing. He wasn't the only one nervous right now at least. He continued up and traced Cas's face for a while, brushing his fingers over his eyebrows and his nose, following his cheekbones and his jaw before letting them rest on his slightly chapped lips. Cas swallowed, staring at Dean with wide eyes.

"Relax," Dean whispered. He moved his hand, cupping Cas's face while still allowing his thumb to brush over his lips. It caught Cas's bottom one and Dean couldn't resist anymore. He leant forward, pausing at the last moment to gauge Cas's expression. He looked worried but not resistant. Dean waited several seconds in case Cas wanted to pull away but he simply closed his eyes so Dean closed the last distance and pressed their lips together.

He started carefully. Pressing soft kisses to Cas's mouth, trying to coax him into a response. Dean pulled away after a moment and stroked his thumb over Cas's cheekbone.

"Hey," he whispered. Cas's eyes fluttered open. He was blushing and his eyes were bright if still nervous. "Don't worry so much. Just kiss me, yeah?"

Cas's eyes searched his face almost desperately and then he nodded slightly.

Dean smiled, warmth flooding his chest and he leant back in, kissing Cas softly. On the third press of lips he felt Cas respond, pressing back against Dean and he smiled against Cas's mouth. He shifted a little closer and tilted his head, focusing on Cas's upper lip and closing his around it. He sucked gently before releasing it and pressing another kiss there. He did the same thing to Cas's bottom lip and pulled away a little to check his expression. He was looking a little dazed and Dean felt slightly smug. He kissed Cas a little deeper this time, opening his mouth and letting his tongue brush Cas's top lip. This time Cas flinched away a little and Dean lifted himself up on his elbow, looking down at his boyfriend worriedly.

"Too much?" he asked. Cas was looking up at him in surprise. He shook his head and looked embarrassed. Oh, Dean realised, he just wasn't expecting that. "I didn't mean to startle you. Sorry. Are you okay?"

Cas nodded. He reached a hand up and tugged Dean's shirt collar until he returned to his lying position. Cas left his hand on Dean's upper chest and leant in, smiling apologetically. He kissed Dean's nose and then shut his eyes and leant in to initiate the next kiss. Dean chuckled. This time he left his tongue out of it and just kissed Cas. He let his hand rest on Cas's hip for a while, rubbing his thumb in circles over his hipbone. He relaxed at one point and let Cas take the lead, enjoying the tentative movement of his lips on Dean's, testing out what Dean had done to him.

It was nice. Dean couldn't remember the last time he'd just kissed somebody just to kiss them. For so long kissing had always been a means to an end but with Cas, who had never kissed anybody before, it was an exploration. It was discovering what Cas liked and showing him new things and Dean discovering that he really did just like kissing. He never knew that. He liked just lying here, touching Cas and kissing him for the sake of enjoyment.

He liked it maybe a little too much.

When Cas pressed a little closer at one point, opening his mouth against Dean's and making a little noise of surprise when Dean let his tongue touch Cas's lip again, just for a moment. The little sound sent a jolt of heat down to his groin and Dean hadn't even realised he'd gotten half hard. All they'd been doing was kissing and it had been so sweet and innocent that Dean's mind hadn't even been on anything more, but apparently his body still remembered what kissing usually lead to.

Dean cleared his throat and pulled away, shifting so there was a bit more space between their bodies. Cas looked surprised and confused.

"Hey, it's okay," Dean promised. "You didn't do anything. It's just getting a little late."

He didn't even know what time it was but he quickly pulled his phone out of his pocket, also subtly shifting his jeans to make sure his issue wasn't noticeable. He checked the time and he really should grab Sam from playing video games downstairs with Lucifer and Gabriel and go home.

"I'll see you tomorrow, 'kay?" Dean said. Cas nodded, the blush fading a little from his cheeks. Dean sat up and Cas followed suit. Dean leant down and kissed Cas gently once more, letting his mouth linger before pulling away. "You're perfect, Cas."

The blush returned and Dean grinned. He brushed his thumb over the colouring once.

"I love that."

Cas blinked and Dean realised what he'd said and his own cheeks heated a little but he just smiled again and jumped up to grab his bag, wincing a little and thinking unsexy thoughts to get rid of his half-problem.

It wasn't just the physical issue that was bothering Dean. It was something that had been bothering him for a while that it simply reminded him. After he'd gone to bed that night he lay staring at the ceiling and thinking over the problem. On New Year's Michael had warned Dean not to push Cas against his physical limits because Dean was used to sleeping around. Dean had promised he wasn't even thinking of any of that and he hadn't been. He still wasn't really, except for this problem. Was it okay if he did start thinking of Cas that way? It wasn't so much a problem of sex with a guy, Dean was coming to terms quite well with being attracted to guys.

No, it was a problem of consent.

Cas didn't speak and Dean didn't know if he ever would. That didn't bother him, really. He was happy to be with Cas. He... loved - and he was still coming to terms with those feelings but he was getting there - him and would continue to l...love him regardless of whether Cas ever spoke a word to him or not. But when it came to sex Dean liked his partners to give him enthusiastic and explicit consent. Was it okay for him to one day sleep with Cas if couldn't say, out loud, that he was happy to have sex with Dean? Okay, so Dean knew there were other ways to show consent, but there was also the problem of Dean feeling like he had a weird power in the relationship. He knew, realistically that they were equal because Dean had never thought of Cas as lesser than him and always treated him as his equal, but he knew how other people saw their friendship and sometimes that got to him despite his best efforts not to let it - like when Cas first expressed his feelings.

Dean ground his teeth and rolled onto his side, glaring at the wall.

He didn't want to let public opinion sway him. But what would other people say when they found out Dean was dating Cas? What would they say if they ever had sex? Hell, Dean was sure Lucifer and Balthazar would dismember him and burn his body and neither of them had any negative feelings over Cas. It was frustrating. Dean just didn't know what the right thing was here and he was frustrated he was even thinking about this.

He took a deep breath and forced his mind to go back to how nice it was just to kiss Cas. Really, that was all he needed right now. He didn't want anything else right now. He just wanted to keep working on this relationship and see how it grew with both of them devoting their attention and effort to it.

* * *

Despite feeling really happy with his life for the first time Dean was starting to feel anxious as February hit. He only had just over four months of senior year left. Just after his birthday Michael had sat down with him to fill out the FAFSA and made sure he'd received receipts for all his college applications. Dean was also studying harder than usual because he wanted to make sure any colleges that were interested in him would know he was serious about going. But he was starting to wonder if he would even get in.

Ash had already gotten an early acceptance from MIT. Jo had been the one telling them all though because Ash was far too laid back to be excited about college acceptances. Ellen was hosting a celebratory dinner at the roadhouse and Jo had announced at lunch that they were all invited, including Michael and Lucifer.

"Don't panic, bro," Ash said to Dean as they left lunch that day. "You'll get in somewhere."

"I'm not..." Dean shook his head and huffed. Cas watched him worriedly and took his hand, squeezing in comfort.

"I can tell you're worrying," Ash nodded. "But no point. You'll be fine."

Dean nodded but he didn't really believe it. He had never thought he was good enough for college and surely the people at KU would feel the same. He looked at Cas and bit his lip. He also didn't really like the idea of going away. Who would read Harry Potter with Cas at lunch when he was gone? The only comfort he supposed was that Gordon, Crowley, Azazel and Alastair would be graduating too so he wouldn't be leaving Cas to endure those dicks. They'd left him alone for a while now but Dean still noticed them casting looks towards their table most lunch times. And Gordon kept eyeing him in the classes they shared, a suspicious glint in his eyes. Dean didn't know what he was thinking but he didn't like it.

Later that week Jo gave Dean something else to worry about.

"Valentine's Day is next Friday," she commented casually on a day when they were the first ones to the table. Anna was collecting Cas and Gabriel had been held back by their teacher. "Are you planning anything?"

Dean stared at her. "Should I?"

He genuinely hadn't even considered it. What did Cas even think of V-Day?

"Maybe. I think he'd like it. Mind you, he thinks everything you do is something special..." Jo shrugged. "It's your first Valentine's as a couple so it might be nice to do something."

Dean nodded. "Flowers? Or is that stupid because he's a guy?"

There was a gasp behind them and Dean and Jo both whipped around to find Rosie staring at them with wide, wide eyes.

"Shit," Dean cursed. Jo looked as terrified as Dean felt suddenly because before they could stop her, Rosie turned on her heel and walked away quickly. She had been blushing before she left and Dean hoped she had enough sense not to tell anybody. He had a feeling she'd probably be able to put two and two together and pick out who they had been speaking about.

"I'm so sorry, Dean," Jo whispered.

"Not your fault," Dean muttered. "I was the one speaking loudly." He shook his head. "Damn, I'm an idiot." He dropped his head onto the table and Jo rubbed his shoulder.

"Oh, Dean, most people won't care."

"It's not most people I'm worried about." Dean turned his head so his cheek was resting on the table. He could hear Gordon's laugh across the cafeteria and his stomach lurched. He was feeling hot and a little sick as he imagined his former friends finding out. Jo seemed to understand because her mouth fell into a small 'o' of realisation.

"I'm... I'm sure she won't say anything," Jo whispered but it was obvious she didn't believe her own words. Dean closed his eyes and suddenly didn't feel like eating anything. He prayed to a God he wasn't sure he even believed in that Rosie wouldn't tell a soul or... or he didn't know what might happen but he was terrified anyway.


	22. Fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I took a while to update again. Not 8 months though this time. Uni really is a time consuming thing, isn't it? Anyway I wrote most of this up today. I quite like it, we get more Dr Albert, but shit is about to hit the fan and the next few chapters are all going to be quite angsty and heavy in regards to the content. I'm sorry in advance. I know it'll be hard for some people to read. It's going to be really hard for me to write.
> 
> On a lighter note, I'm doing the DCBB again. Completely close lipped on what it is but it's going to be awesome. I hope anyway. So I'll be focusing on it from now on. I've only written 6k when this time last year I had almost 30k. I'm having so much fun with it, I get to be more creative and inventive this year than I was last year with my florist!dean AU. Anyway I can't wait for you guys to read it.
> 
> Also, I met Jensen. It was amazing. He was so kind and warm. I love him ^.^
> 
> Alright, enjoy guys!!
> 
> Content warning for homophobic slurs.

It was a struggle for Dean; to corner Rosie and beg her not to say anything or to just wait and see whether she had enough sense and compassion not to tell anybody even if he didn't ask her? He watched her for the next couple of days and every time she looked at him she got this weird expression on her face. Dean cursed himself for not treating her better when they had their thing or this wouldn't be such a worry for him. He tried hard not to think about it and focus on his grades, on taking care of Sam, and on Cas.

Relationships were strange, Dean found, in the sense that they took a lot of effort but he was finding that the effort didn't really feel like an effort. Maybe it was because he connected with Cas on a level he'd never connected with anybody before, or perhaps it was because the reward was more than worth the work. Whatever the reason, Dean was happy, something he never thought he could be in a relationship.

A week before Valentine's Day, Dean went with Michael and Cas to his appointment with Dr Albert, as usual (they had been cut down from one a week to one a fortnight this year, something Michael was surprised and pleased about, but Dr Albert believed Cas was becoming more engaged in life and didn't need weekly checkups at this time). On the drive Michael asked Dean something that made him wince.

"I think we should tell Dr Albert about your relationship," he commented. Dean knew he was speaking to both he and Cas but his eyes were flicking to Dean in the rear-view mirror more than Cas. He knew Dean was the one who might be uncomfortable talking about it.

"Why?" Dean wondered.

"He's Castiel's psychologist. I feel like this is a huge step for Castiel and Dr Albert should be aware he'd made this choice and is contributing quite well to an emotional and romantic attachment," Michael said and Dean sort of smiled. The words had sounded like they'd come off a website or out of a book that Michael had been consulting for assistance on how to deal with his special needs brother dating.

Michael hesitated.

"And?" Dean prompted.

"Maybe you could talk to him?" Michael suggested. "I would leave of course; Cas and I could wait outside, and you could tell him anything you've been thinking or ask him any questions?"

Michael looked at Dean in the mirror for a few seconds before returning his eyes to the road.

Dean knew his own eyes had grown wide and Cas was looking between his brother and Dean curiously, obviously confused and curious as to what Michael meant. Dean understood though. Michael knew he had fears. He didn't think he'd been that obvious, though he had been hesitant touching Cas around the others since they'd made out. Dean hadn't let them do that again since then, trying to answer the questions he'd developed since Cas let him that close and Dean realised he did want more, physically, with Cas one day. He had yet to mention the questions, fears even though he shuddered to admit that, to anybody, not even Sam or Jo. He didn't want to tell anybody that sex and Cas were two things he put in the same thought because he was worried of the looks he'd get, what they would think or even say to him. Part of him knew they'd probably tell him it was okay, but mostly he wasn't sure himself that it was so why would they think so?

"Um..."

"Dean, relax. It's just a suggestion. I feel like Dr Albert will understand anything you have to say... he also might be able to answer any questions you have." There was a slight emphasis on 'any' and Dean closed his eyes.

Was it a relief that Michael knew what he'd been thinking about? He didn't know but the eldest Novak didn't seem to be judging him, and he didn't seem angry. Maybe they both had the same questions and didn't know how to answer them. Dean wasn't one to talk about his feelings but Dr Albert was trained to listen wasn't he? It would be better than asking his younger brother anyway.

He thought about it for the rest of the drive and while they sat in the waiting room. Cas had his head resting on Dean's shoulder and though he was tense, he was not shaking and didn't seem upset about being there. Dean knew he still had some trouble but he was always better on days when Dean came with him and even when Dean wasn't around, he was far better now than that first appointment Dean attended where he had cried and had a panic attack about being there.

"Castiel?"

They looked up at the sound of Dr Albert's voice and made their way over to his office. He smiled in greeting at all three of them.

"How are we all today?" Dr Albert asked when they were all settled.

"Well, thank you, Doctor," Michael replied while Dean and Cas nodded.

"And Castiel, how are you doing? Anything new?"

Cas looked up at Dr Albert for a moment, studying him quizzically before looking at Dean and Michael. He fished out his flash cards, surprisingly the other three men in the room. Michael had told Dr Albert about the cards but Castiel hadn't deigned to use them with his psychologist before now.

Cas flipped through them and then held up one to show the psychologist. Dr Albert's eyebrows rose and Dean leant forward so he could see what was on the card. It was two people kissing.

"Uh..." Dean mumbled, glancing at Dr Albert.

Michael pressed his fist to his mouth to stop a snicker from escaping.

It seemed Cas had decided he didn't want Dean to dither about with Michael's suggestion. He was becoming more assertive about his wants and needs lately and Dean was happy and also amused. Cas was actually quite bossy they were discovering, it was keeping Dean on his toes.

"I take it I'm to interpret this literally?" Dr Albert clarified. Dean felt his cheeks heat while Cas nodded.

"We've been dating for uh, over a month?" Dean said, rubbing the back of his neck. Cas patted his leg and smiled.

"I see. Castiel, would you be alright if we had a private conversation? Just the two of us? Michael and Dean would be right outside?"

Cas tensed a little and looked at his brother and boyfriend. Dean smiled nervously but Michael gave an encouraging nod so they both stood and left.

"He obviously wants to make sure I'm not forcing him into anything," Dean muttered, feeling nervous and embarrassed. "What if he thinks I am? Everybody else does at first?"

Michael rolled his eyes a little as they sat. "I doubt that's what he thinks but I'm sure he just wants to ask questions without him feeling like he has to answer a certain way since we're there. It's the first time Castiel has ever agreed to be alone with him. I'm really proud of his progress."

Dean nodded once and then looked at Michael. The eldest Novak was casually chewing at his thumb nail, looking at a tank full of fish that adorned one of the waiting room walls.

"Hey, Mike... do you think Cas can do it?" Dean wondered. Michael tilted his head to look at him, one eyebrow raised. "Do you think he'll be able to talk?"

Michael hummed softly. "There's nothing wrong physically to stop him... though it would be interesting to see what his voice sounds like almost sixteen years without use. It's all to do with him, how he feels. He's got to be able to trust that his words won't be used against him. But yeah, he's starting to trust the world more, and feel more secure socially. I mean, I doubt he'll ever make small talk with a hairdresser or cab driver but yes, I think he'll do it. If there's one thing I'm sure of in this world, it's the resilience of my baby brother."

Dean smiled. He definitely agreed.

It was over twenty minutes before Dr Albert's door opened and Cas emerged. He seemed tense but he relaxed when he spotted Michael and Dean in the seats closest to the office.

"Dean, would you come back in? I'd like to have a chat if you're comfortable," Dr Albert said. Dean looked at Cas who stepped closer and pressed two fingers to Dean's lips before taking the seat on the other side of Michael. With a sigh, Dean stood and followed the psychologist back into his office. He retook his seat and Dr Albert took his as well.

"You want to talk about Cas? Make sure I'm not being abusive or manipulative?" Dean asked.

"Are you sure that's not what you want to ask me?" Dr Albert countered and Dean swallowed, lips pursing tightly. "I thought so."

Dr Albert leant forward and rested his elbows on his knees, studying Dean.

"I was sure the first time you were in the office that you were a good-hearted young man. I'm still sure of that. _I_ don't think you're manipulating Castiel. Castiel is very sure you're not. So, of the three of us, you're the only one who seems to think that."

Dean hesitated. He dug the knuckles of one hand into his thigh, chewing his lip and avoiding Dr Albert's gaze.

"I just... I mean, he doesn't talk... I'm never sure if he's really consenting or just going along with things because I ask him to," Dean admits finally. Dr Albert says nothing. "At first I was very sure it all okay, that dating him wasn't wrong and I wasn't a bad person for having f- for having feelings for him. But then..."

Dean's cheeks heated and he trailed off.

Dr Albert waited patiently for a few moments before prompting him gently, "what changed, Dean?"

"I... uh... um, I got... well, I got- Dammit!"

"You got aroused while being physical with him? It's natural, Dean, there's no need to be embarrassed."

"But he's... he's..."

"Autistic? Yes, he is. But he's a very bright young man, who is learning about himself and the things he wants out of life. Castiel is beginning to realise he's allowed to pursue the things he wants. That's why you're together, right?"

Dean nodded. "He made the first move. I didn't even realise how I f-felt." He finally looked at the psychologist. "I think part of me is a little freaked out because being into guys was something I pretended wasn't true. But I don't know, man, how can I want to have sex with Cas if he can't actually _say_ that he wants to, as well. Not that I'm thinking of asking him, I just... I feel like I shouldn't be thinking of him that way."

"There's nothing wrong with it. You're not manipulating him, from what I can tell. I think with the way I've seen you behave with him, that your relationship is built with equal footing. Castiel is quite capable of saying yes and no to you. Would you agree?"

Dean considers the amount of times Castiel pushes his face away if Dean tries to distract him from homework and he grins automatically.

"Oh yeah, he's very pushy lately."

Dr Albert laughed.

"So... it's okay? If I want to have sex with him?" Dean checked. He felt so childish asking but it was better than asking Sam who was too much of a romantic, and also still thought sex was kind of gross, to give a proper answer. Jo would just tell Dean he was stupid. And Lucifer would sock him in the nose if he even used 'Cas' and 'sex' in the same sentence, probably.

"Do _you_ think it's okay?" Dr Albert countered.

"I... I care about him. I'd never hurt him, not on purpose," Dean replied slowly.

"There's your answer."

Dean sat up straight. "That's it? No, big long lecture about sex and consent and relationships?"

"I don't think I need to give you one. Relationship dynamics are unique to every couple, the boundaries and rules in a relationship are formulated by the people in it. I think the person you need to speak to about this is Castiel. It comes down to whatever the two of you want, need, and are comfortable with." Dr Albert leant forward to squeeze Dean's shoulder. "Communication, my lad, that's the biggest and most important thing here."

Dean half smiled. All his worrying had been so stupid then.

"It's okay to have fears, Dean," Dr Albert added, as if hearing his thoughts. "It means you care."

"Sure. Sure. I just don't want his big bros to murder me in my sleep."

"Lucifer is quite scary sometimes," Dr Albert chuckled. "I suggest mentioning this chat to he and Michael though, just so they realise that you're not barrelling in without thinking, that you care about their brother. Castiel indicated Lucifer wasn't happy with you."

That was an understatement. Dean thinking attempted murder was a little more serious than Lucifer being unhappy with him.

"You mentioned that you were coming to terms with your sexuality? Is that something you want to talk about?" Dr Albert checked.

"Um, no, it's okay. I'm getting there with that." Dean blushed. "I think I'm good here."

"Alright. Time's almost up anyway. I'll say goodbye to Michael and Castiel and give you all an early mark. I think Castiel will appreciate it."

Dean was grateful to be allowed to leave but he was also glad he'd taken the chance to speak his fears aloud. While he didn't have a concrete answer without speaking to Cas, he felt a little more secure about their relationship. He was still worried, naturally, but knew that in time he'd settle into things better. They'd been together for so few weeks, he was still getting used to dating somebody rather than fucking them and leaving them. He'd get to a place where he was comfortable and sure eventually.

* * *

Dean finally decided that since it was their first Valentine's Day, and Dean himself wasn't that big on it, instead of buying Cas some grand present or making some huge gesture, they would simply have another date night. Dean also recorded another CD of him reading a book for Cas since he'd seemed to enjoy the last one so much.

It had been over a week since Rosie had overheard Jo and he discussing Valentine's Day so Dean relaxed, thinking she had kept her mouth shut and nothing bad was going to happen. It wasn't until he walked into the school on Valentine's morning, seeing red and pink and white decorations attached to every surface courtesy of the student council, that he realised what a stupid idea that was.

Of course she told.

And of course she told Dean's former "friends".

But they hadn't done anything, of course not.

They wanted it to have as big an impact as possible.

The morning started out pleasant, perfect even. There was a lot of good natured teasing when Dean picked up the Novaks for school. Anna had baked cupcakes for all of them and Cas had helped her decorate them. He'd done Dean's and Gabriel was enjoying be able to make his little brother blush without him shutting in on himself. Instead he simply gave Gabriel unimpressed looks that Gabriel delighted in.

"Cas is actually very sassy," he chuckled. He then presented Sam with his cupcake and Dean grew amused at Sam's pink cheeks. He looked down at Cas who was observing him, waiting for a response for the cake that had been decorated with a sun. It reminded Dean of their discussion back at Christmas, about how Dean made Cas feel warm.

"Thanks, angel," Dean whispered. Cas tilted his head up so Dean kissed him softly.

"Okay, come on guys, time to head for school," Michael announced. "I need to get to work and Dean has me parked in. Shoo!"

They all piled into the Impala and Dean drove them to school, feeling happy and relaxed. He was going to wait until that night to give Cas his new book recording and he couldn't wait. Dates with Cas were little slices of heaven that Dean had been missing in his life until this point. They got out of the Impala and headed towards school. Anna, Sam, and Gabriel tried to get Dean to divulge the plans for that night's date but he refused to budge.

At the door they split off for their lockers. Castiel's was by Anna's so they went off together and Sam hesitated before he went to his. He pulled an envelope out of his bag and looked at Gabriel before staring at his shoes as if they held all the answers to the universe.

"This is for you." He pressed the envelope into Gabriel's hands before dashing off in the direction of his locket. Dean bit his tongue to keep from laughing because it was his brother and he wasn't supposed to laugh at him. Not in these situations.

"Um... what?" Gabriel mumbled, staring at the envelope.

"Well, looks like we're not allowed to ignore the crush anymore," Dean shrugged. "Whatcha gonna do?"

Gabriel turned his head to stare at Dean.

"He's _thirteen_ ," he breathed out, sounding pained.

"Five years isn't so bad."

"I'm going off to college. He's a kid." Gabriel's fingers fiddled with the opening of the envelope. Dean could tell he wanted to open it but didn't want to do so around Sam's older brother.

"Look, man, I'm not gonna say I'd be thrilled if Sam was dating a college guy, not when he's never dated anyone before. But I know you. I trust you. If you want to date him-"

"I don't feel the same," Gabriel quickly said. Dean raised his eyebrows. "I don't. He's an adorable kid and I love him to bits. But... he's a kid."

Dean hesitated. He was sure Gabriel was lying but his eyes had gone hard and his tone was serious. He nodded slowly.

"Okay... well... let him down easy? Alright? Or I'll be forced to hurt you," Dean warned. Gabriel nodded once, quickly, and left. Dean watched him go and noticed that he opened the envelope on his way, bumping into several people as he went.

"Doesn't feel the same way, my ass," Dean muttered. He headed towards his own locker. Still, Gabriel's decision made sense and Dean would support it. He'd also go and buy some phish food for and rent some superhero blockbusters so he and Sam could have a guy's night whenever Gabriel decided to pull the plug on Sam's crush.

He was lost in his thoughts about Sam and Gabe, and his date with Cas that he didn't even notice the way people were staring at him. He noticed the way a few people stopped conversation when he drew nearer to his locker. He slowed his step and looked around.

A few of his old flings were in a group, staring at him and whispering. He frowned and glanced the other way. He spotted some of the guys from the football team scowling in his direction, another group of them across the hall snickering.

Dean's blood went cold as he noticed that everyone in the hall was staring in his direction, some whispering, some smirking, some looking horrified.

He tore his eyes away from the stares and looked towards his locker. He could see the red paint now. He could smell it too. It was fresh.

With feet feeling like lead, he forced himself to walk closer. He stopped a few feet away from his locker when the message finally registered in his head and he felt like he might hurl his breakfast all over the tiled floor in front of the lockers. His entire body felt locked into place and he couldn't stop staring.

The letters were large.

The paint was red.

Dean was sure it was always going to be seared into his brain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Up next: Dean reacts to being outted - badly; John finds out - oh no!; date night does not go as planned. Things fall apart, and someone's heart is very broken.


	23. Outed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is I! With a quick update!
> 
> The rest of the story is totally outlined so hopefully it won't take me forever to write the rest of it. There's only four chapters after this one and then the epilogue and this story will be finished. BUT there is still more to tell. Lots of timestamps planned out. But I probably won't be writing those for a little while since I need to write my DCBB for this year.
> 
> Anywho, the first word of this chapter was supposed to be the last word of last chapter but for some reason I didn't copy and paste it? I dunno what happened. But here it is.
> 
> Also serious content warning for homophobic slurs and derogatory language. There's some violence and then a whole lot of Dean hating himself a little and thinking some pretty awful thoughts.
> 
> Okie dokie, lets get on with the start of this angst party that is the next few chapters of this story.

_FAG._

Dean squeezed his eyes shut but when he opened them it was still there. And a low murmur was beginning behind him now that people knew he had seen. There was even scattered snickering and a few wolf whistles.

"Hey Winchester, wanna suck my dick?"

Dean closed his eyes again as the shouts started up from the football guys up the hall.

"Come on baby, I've always thought those lips looked better made for cock than pussy!"

"I got a nice dick here, faggot, come and put your mouth to work!"

"This explains those legs of yours too, bet you like wrapping 'em around a guy and taking it up the ass!"

Dean spun around and glared towards the football jerks. He knew they hadn't done it but he was tempted to introduce them to his fists anyway. Instead Dean cast his eyes around for the people he knew were responsible. He saw Rosie down a second corridor and ran after her, ignoring the laughter and slurs that followed him. He caught up to her and grabbed her arm. She let out a cry of surprise and then her eyes grew wide with fear when Dean spun her and forced her to look at him.

"What the fuck?" Dean growled.

"Dean! You're hurting me!" Rosie protested when Dean squeezed her arms.

"You fucking told Gordon, didn't you?" he demanded.

"Dean! What?"

"You told Gordon I'm dating a guy! Why else would he have painted _fag_ on my locker, huh?" He shook her, fear and anger overtaking any sense he had not to push around a girl.

Rosie just looked afraid. "I... I told Bela, I never talked to Gordon."

"Fucking-" Dean let out a growl and released Rosie. "Where the fuck is Gordon?"

"Probably at his locker. Dean, wait-"

Dean turned and went back the way he came. He didn't have to go all the way to Gordon's locker though because he came across Crowley heading towards his homeroom and Dean shouted his name before throwing his fist into the pompous dick's face and knocking him down. Dean was on him and hitting every inch of the kid he could find, oblivious to the shouting and screaming of the people around him. At least until two pairs of hands hauled him off Crowley and Gordon landed a kick in his stomach.

Dean struggled against Alastair and Azazel as Gordon laid into him. Dean felt his lip split before he finally got his feet under him and knocked one of the idiots holding him on his ass. He leapt onto Gordon, catching his face with an elbow. Gordon swung his head up and crashed their foreheads together, dazing Dean momentarily, enough to roll them over so Dean was pinned beneath him and he was able to punch him in the side. Dean tried to catch his breath and managed to bring his knee up into Gordon's groin before punching him in the nose and feeling a satisfying crunch under his fist that caused the other boy to howl in pain and roll off him. Alastair and Azazel grabbed him again and Dean noticed Crowley was up, looking furious but before he had the chance to do anything Coach Johnson and Principal Howard were there and separating all of them.

"That is enough!" Howard howled. "What the hell is happening here?"

"This asshole attacked me for no good reason!" Crowley spat, voice slurring because of Dean's attack.

Dean wheezed but threw his arm down towards his locker. "I... have... a reason," he managed to punch out, glowering at his former friends.

Howard ordered all four of them to go and wait outside his office, that he would be having their parents called and speaking to each other them one by one. Dean's stomach tightened. If he was calling John... he would probably tell John what motivated Dean since his father wouldn't be able to be here for the meeting.

Dean swiped a hand over his mouth and it came away smeared with blood. His face, chest, and stomach hurt but he took pride in the way Gordon limped off and Crowley was clutching at his midsection and had a swollen eye as they walked away. Dean glanced around and spotted Sam and Cas staring at him. He averted his eyes quickly and moved painfully towards Howard's office. He was not looking forward to this talk.

Dean sat down gingerly in a chair outside the principal's office, as far away from the others as he could manage and as he sat there and Howard arrived, ordering his secretary to call all of their parents, the reality of the situation finally set in.

They knew.

_Everybody. Knew._

They knew he liked guys. Soon the entire town would know and Dean Winchester would just be another cocksucking fairy. Would he even get into college now? Surely this fight would go on his permanent record. Who would want him at their school knowing he liked dick and got into fights? Fear started saturating his thoughts as he sat there for a very long time, for what felt like an eternity. It was probably only a couple of hours but it felt much longer as one by one, a mother or father of one of the others arrived to see Principal Howard.

Dean was alone.

Nobody would defend him since he was just another homo. The others probably wouldn't be punished. After all, they were just dealing with the fag. Dean had nobody to defend him. Nobody who would _want_ to and-"

"Dean?"

Dean looked up quickly and his mouth dropped open in surprise when he noticed Lucifer standing in the doorway, looking down at him with a mixture of concern and confusion. Lucifer's eyes darted over to Gordon and Azazel sitting with their fathers. Crowley had been sent to the nurse and Alastair and his mother were currently in the office speaking with the principal.

"Sam called me," Lucifer explained. He dropped into the seat beside Dean. His eyes raked over Dean's face and the hand he had pressed to his side and Lucifer's face grew dark. He glared towards the other boys and their fathers brother straightened up defensively. "What happened, kiddo?"

Dean blinked. "I-" He shut his mouth firmly, partially because talking hurt his lip and also because Lucifer was still mad at him.

"Hey, come on, bud, talk to me." Lucifer shifted closer. He ran a hand through Dean's hair and he was comforted despite himself. "I know we haven't been the best of friends lately but I still care about you, yeah? We're family. Tell me what happened."

"It's my own stupid fault."

Lucifer raised an eyebrow. "I doubt that."

Dean looked at his face. He found none of the resentment that Lucifer had been carrying for him lately. In its place was the old affection Dean had become used to.

"They... uh... graffitied my locker," Dean mumbled. "They... um... they wrote..." He glanced over at the others before leaning closer to Lucifer. He was dressed in a casual suit. He must have been at work but still come anyway when Sam called. That knowledge gave Dean a little boost of courage. "They wrote 'fag' on my locker. They found out I'm bi. So I might have attacked Crowley..."

One of Lucifer's hands clenched into a fist and Dean remembered that Lucifer had once been arrested for assaulting a therapist who upset Cas and he reached over and pressed his own hand over Lucifer's. Lucifer's unclenched hand reached out to gently probe at Dean's side where he was holding it. Dean winced and sucked in a breath so Lucifer pressed again.

"I think it's just bruised," he murmured but his eyes were on the other boys until Dean squeezed his hand and made him look at him.

"I'm okay," Dean promised but he knew he didn't look or sound it and Lucifer saw through the lie.

"I'll kill the little bastards," he whispered.

"Don't."

They looked at each other for a moment.

"I'm sorry, Dean," Lucifer finally whispered, quieter than his threat. "I should never have reacted the way I did."

"You were worried about Cas," Dean shrugged.

"I shouldn't have attacked you. I know you'd never hurt him. I've seen the way you are with him. I was just, I dunno, scared. Scared of my baby brother growing up and me not being able to protect him anymore because he'd be out in the world without me. Don't get me wrong, I'm so very grateful that he will be able to do that. He can go to college and live away from us and we were worried he never would. You've helped him, and the rest of us, see how strong and capable he is. So I should have known you would never hurt him and let you guys talk to me and Michael. I'm sorry."

Dean tried to smile but ended up wincing when his lip twinged. Lucifer half smiled and reached into his jacket to pull out a small pack of tissues. He pulled one out and went to the water cooler to dampen it before returning and gently dabbing at Dean's lip.

"I hope you gave as good as you got," Lucifer murmured.

"I tried to. Four on one is just fair enough for fighting me," Dean joked. Lucifer rolled his eyes, he still seemed angry.

"Yo, that your boyfriend Winchester?" Gordon sniped. "Is he the one you bend over for every night?"

"I have seen him around with Dean," Azazel agreed.

Dean closed his eyes and tried to ignore them as they continued, getting more vulgar as they went. Unfortunately Howard's secretary was out of the room at that moment and couldn't stop them.

"Are you going to shut your little shitheads up?" Lucifer snarled suddenly. Dean opened his eyes and found Lucifer glowering towards Gordon and Azazel's fathers.

Before either of them had a chance to respond the office door opened and Alastair and his mother stalked out. She did not look happy but with the glare she cast towards Dean he knew her ire wasn't directed toward her asshole son.

"Mr Winchester, I couldn't get a hold of your father. I've left him a message," Principal Howard announced. His eyes jumped to Lucifer and he frowned. "Mr Novak, I wasn't expecting you. Your brother wasn't involved this time."

"No, luckily for you since these dicks are still in school after what they did to him," Lucifer replied. His voice was steady but Dean shuddered how the cold, clipped way he spoke. Despite the more than two decade age difference it seemed Principal Howard was slightly unnerved as well. "I'm here for Dean."

Lucifer's tone was daring the principal to refuse his presence.

"You aren't his parent or guardian."

"I've spent more time taking care of him in the last five months than his father has in the last five years. If that man isn't going to defend his son's actions then somebody has to. I believe Michael and I are listed as Sam and Dean's emergency contacts along with their uncle Bobby?"

"I... yes, I believe so."

"Good. Then let's get this over with so I can get Dean home and cleaned up. He's in a bit of pain if you hadn't noticed." Lucifer quirked an eyebrow and withdrew a his cell phone carefully. "I can call my Uncle Inias, if you would prefer? I'm sure he'd be interested to know that the boys you claimed would never cause trouble again are in fact, causing trouble again. He's very good at suing people."

Howard looked nervous and so did the fathers of the two boys opposite.

Howard sighed. "I suppose since Dean isn't a minor, if he consents-"

"I do. Lucifer can come in." Dean stood up carefully and Lucifer joined him, pocketing his phone and pressed his hand to Dean's back. He glared once more at the others before they were closed into the principal's office.

Howard lectured Dean sternly about 'healthy expressions of anger' and 'physical violence won't solve your problems'. Dean managed to endure it and hold his tongue until Howard asked him, "what did you expect would happen when people found out?"

"This is somehow my fault?" Dean demanded. "Being bi somehow gives them the right to vandalise my locker and call me names?"

"I didn't say that."

"But you did," Lucifer responded. "I'm sorry but are you suggesting that anybody who doesn't identify as a cisgender heterosexual is somehow expected to endure derogatory comments and bullying? And that's leaving aside the fact that these boys _outed_ somebody, something that has caused teens to commit suicide. Is this why they weren't kicked out when they physically assaulted my brother? Do you really believe anybody outside your little conservative definition of normal should be subject to ridicule and violence?"

"Mr Novak, you're twisting my words and-"

"Am I?" Lucifer snapped. "Dean has the right to a safe school environment. Please inform Dean of his punishment so we can leave. You'll be hearing from my uncle and we _will_ be contacting the school board."

Principal Howard gave Lucifer a dark look but chose not to reply to his threat. Dean wondered if he was scared of Lucifer right now or scared of giving him anything more to build a case against him. Dean glanced at Lucifer. He was almost awed at Lucifer's defence of him. He couldn't be happier that he had someone in his corner right now and that that someone was Lucifer, a man who refused to take anybody's crap.

"You and the other four boys have been allocated two week's suspension beginning from next Monday," Principal Howard informed Dean. "After that you will have sessions with the school counsellor to deal with your anger issues. And before you say anything Mr Novak, the other boys are sitting sessions with the counsellor as well."

"They should all be kicked out," Lucifer muttered but he nodded. "Fine. Dean, let's go home."

Dean stood up and left with Lucifer, refusing to even glance at Gordon and Azazel as he left. Unfortunately they ran into Crowley and his mother, a woman Dean had always found intimidating. Nothing was said but Dean saw the looks they both directed at him while the four of them stood there, tension crackling.

"Dean," Lucifer murmured, without taking his eyes off Crowley. Dean noticed a tiny smirk playing about Lucifer's mouth and his eyes sparked with a bit of pride. He ushered Dean along but not fast enough for Dean to miss the 'faggot' Crowley disguised poorly with a cough.

Dean grit his teeth but let Lucifer lead him out of the school.

"We'll get the suspension taken off your record," Lucifer promised. "Somehow. You shouldn't even be punished."

"I beat someone up, two someone's actually," Dean replied.

"Justified."

With an eye-roll Dean leant into Lucifer's side. He meant well and Dean was grateful for his support.

"Thank you, Luce," he murmured.

"Any time, kiddo. Are you right to drive?"

"Um... yeah." Dean dug in his pocket for his keys. "You should go back to work. I'll go home, put some ice on my ribs and wallow for a little while."

A crease appeared between Lucifer's eyebrows. "Are you sure you should be alone right now? I mean, what just happened..."

"I'm fine." Dean winced when the lie sounded clear to his own ears and Lucifer was not convinced. Regardless, Lucifer needed to get back to work so he simply gave Dean a stern look that he understood to mean Lucifer and Michael would be checking up on him later. Dean waited until Lucifer drove off before getting into the Impala. He tried to put the key in the ignition and kept missing. He couldn't understand why until he looked down and found his hands trembling so hard that the key kept darting away from the ignition.

"Dammit!" Dean swore and thumped his palms down hard on the steering wheel.

He felt cold inside. He felt like his stomach was turning inside out and he just wanted to go home where he could pretend none of this had happened.

He took several long, deep breaths and finally managed to get his baby started. He drove home carefully because his hands were still trembling no matter how hard he gripped the wheel. He parked in the driveway and stumbled into his house. He barely made it to the couch before he was collapsing in on himself. He ignored the pain in his side as he curled into a ball and all the fear and pain and humiliation came crawling out of his stomach. He hated the tears that burnt his eyes on their escape down his face, he hated the catch in his breaths, he hated the hiccups as he tried to keep any sound in, and he especially hated the low sobs that managed to escape when he couldn't hold them back any longer.

He didn't know how long he cried for. How long he let the hurt and the fear eat away at him. He kept imagining what it would be like to go back to school. He would hear more of those crude taunts. He wondered how long it would be before the football team decided to corner him and beat him within an inch of his life just for being in the same change rooms as them. He wondered how many of his old flings would look at him with disgust because now they knew he liked guys.

He wondered what Bobby would say when he found out.

And Ellen.

And oh God, John would get that message and he would call the school back. He'd _know_.

Dean had no idea what fear felt like until the second he realised the fact that _John would know_.

He stumbled to the bathroom to heave his breakfast into the toilet before curling up on the tiles and crying for another long stretch of time.

* * *

He must have fallen asleep because he woke up to the sound of his phone buzzing on the tiles and when he picked it up he had dozens of texts and missed calls from everyone. He deleted the ones not from his family and focused on the important names.

Sam.

Bobby.

Michael, Lucifer, Gabriel, and Anna.

Ellen, Jo, and Ash.

They were all trying to contact him. Dean was still afraid of anything they had to say.

It was mid afternoon now so he'd slept for a while. He wasn't sure how long because he couldn't remember how long he'd just cried.

His phone vibrated again and Jo's name flashed on the screen so he answered.

"Finally!" she huffed. "We've been trying to reach you all day?"

"Sorry," Dean croaked and god, his voice sounded like he'd been swallowing sandpaper.

"You sound awful."

"I feel awful." Dean sat up and gasped when his side pulled painfully. He was supposed to ice his bruised ribs. He picked himself up off the floor to take care of his body.

"The janitor cleaned your locker up but... it's all anybody's talking about," Jo whispered. Dean closed his eyes against the wave of nausea that filled him with that knowledge. His stomach was still twisting itself into knots.

"Is Cas okay?" Dean asked.

"He was worried about you," Jo replied. "He wanted to go home but Lucifer called Gabriel and said to stay put, that you needed time."

"No, Jo, I mean..." Dean clenched his hand around the handle of the freezer door. The flood of cold fear was back. More than his own worry over what he was facing, he was just scared for Cas. Dean could take whatever they threw at him, he was sure of it. He was strong, he could force himself to accept it all. After all, he was going to be out of here in a few months, he could grit his teeth and death glare his way out of it. But Cas... Cas had so much trouble dealing with people when they just looked at him weirdly, how would he cope with having that kind of attention on him all the time alongside what he already copped?

"Jo, has anybody been hissing 'fag' at him because I swear to god-"

"No, they haven't. Dean, I don't think anybody knows it's him."

"What?" Dean leant on the fridge. "What do you mean they don't know? Rosie heard us-"

"We never said who we were talking about. I guess she didn't make the connection. She probably would never have guessed because Cas is special needs, you know. It's awful, but I think for once the stigma of whether or not he's capable of dating is actually saving him here. Nobody thinks it's him, not from what I've heard anyway. He's safe."

Dean felt a few more tears leak out from under his eyelids. He didn't realise he had any more to cry.

"Oh god..." He sank onto the floor. "Alright. Okay. That's good..."

"Dean... do you want me to come over? Do you want any of us to come over? We're worried about you."

Dean breathed deeply for a little while. "No, I'm um... I'd rather just be alone. Uh, but tell Cas I won't be making our date. I'm just... I'm not up for it."

Jo made a sad sound. "Okay, I'll do that. Dean... please be okay. We love you. Also, call Bobby and Mum back please, they're worried about you."

Dean bit his lip. "How do they know?"

"They don't. We texted them and told them something had happened but we thought you might want to be the one to tell them, especially before it spreads too far around town. You know how Mrs McLeod is, she's such a bitch and shit stirrer, she won't be happy you beat up Crowley and got him suspended so she'll be running her mouth everywhere."

"Bobby's probably already heard then. He won't want anything to do with me."

Dean couldn't figure out how to make his body follow his commands so he decided to stay slumped between the fridge and cupboards.

"Dean, stop that! Bobby loves you. Call him back. Now. And I love you, too. That's not going to change. We got your back, okay? I know this is hard but-"

"Jo, please stop."

"I'm trying to be supportive."

"I'm not... I don't want to talk about it." Dean wanted to sound angry but even he could tell he just sounded tired. "It's... it's done, okay? There's nothing more to say."

He hung up before Jo could protest and slid his phone away so he couldn't reach it when it inevitably began buzzing again.

* * *

He migrated back to the couch, with an ice pack this time. He managed to avoid the desire to drink, remembering the way Lucifer and Gabriel looked when they worried about Michael drinking. Michael didn't want to turn into his parents. Dean didn't want to turn into his father either. So he didn't pick up a bottle even though he desperately didn't want to feel a damn thing.

Later he heard a car and then footsteps on the path up to the front porch. It was past dinner time but Dean had yet to eat. His stomach was refusing to cooperate. Sam at least had the chance to eat with the Novaks.

Dean felt a pang when he realise he should have been having his date with Cas at this time. He curled back in on himself.

At least Cas was safe, he kept telling himself. Dean could keep him safe. He would keep him safe. He had considered breaking up with Cas but threw the idea away. Dean wouldn't let them win. Cas needed him, and Dean needed Cas too. He wasn't going to let anybody ruin that for any reason. Not even himself. His fear had almost destroyed this precious thing between them once before, he wouldn't let it happen again.

Dean hard the front door open and Sam's footsteps. The living room light flicked on and Dean raised his head, looking towards the doorway where Sam was standing.

It only took a few seconds of taking in his face before Dean's pity party made an abrupt end. He squashed down everything, absolutely everything, and focused only on his little brother's tear stained face.

"Sammy? What is it? What happened?" Dean demanded, sitting up too fast and wincing in pain.

Sam sniffled and rubbed a hand under his eye. He looked pathetic and pupppyish with his wide teary eyes but mostly he looked sad and it broke Dean's heart.

"Sam? Come on, I can't help if you don't tell me what's wrong."

"It's nothing. Stupid. Not after your day."

Dean sighed and raised an arm. "Come here. Tell me. Now."

"It's... It's Gabe."

Dean's heart sank. Oh. Now he remembered. Sam had given Gabriel a Valentine. Gabriel would never consent to date Sam because their ages made everything weird and claimed he didn't feel the same. Dean didn't believe him but it was up to Gabriel, and he couldn't say he was upset exactly over the fact that he didn't have to worry about his very young brother dating an adult who was going to college soon.

"He told me..." Sam let out a little sob and he came across the room to drop onto the couch and snuggle into Dean's side. He fitted his head under Dean's chin and clutched his shirt the way he used to when he was five and had nightmares. "He told me it was just a crush and it would go away. That he didn't like me back."

"Oh, Sammy," Dean sighed, squeezing him. "I'm sorry."

"Why doesn't he like me, Dean? I thought we had fun together."

Dean shushed Sam half heartedly as he cried softly and rambled about why Gabe probably didn't like him.

"None of that's true, Sammy. Gabe adores you, but just as a little brother," Dean chided. "He thinks you're amazing. But that doesn't mean he wants to date you."

Sam hiccupped. "He talked about me?"

"All the time. He knew you had a crush on him, you know. But he wasn't going to say anything unless you did. He didn't want to hurt your feelings, because he cares about you."

"But not enough." Sam sounded very upset and Dean wanted to make it better but he didn't know how. He didn't know how to fix anything right now.

"Do you think it's because I'm, you know, a virgin?" Sam asked between sniffles.

"What? Sammy! No!" Dean protested. "Gabe isn't like that!"

"But he's like you. Has a lot of hook ups."

"What?" Dean thought back trying to figure out if he and Gabe had ever talked about anything like that. He knows they've both mentioned it every now and again.

"I've heard him and Ash talking about it," Sam shrugged. He rubbed his eyes and looked up at Dean. "So, it's probably because I'm a virgin."

"Sam, no." Dean shook his head. "One, that is so illegal, you're thirteen, Gabe would never. Also, I'm pretty sure it's because you're a kid and we're practically family to them."

"But you and Cas-"

"Cas is almost sixteen, I'm eighteen. That's only two years, not four. Also, Cas and I... it's different."

"Oh..." Sam frowned. "You're right. That's so stupid. I'm so stupid. That's probably why he doesn't want me."

"Jeez, Sam." Dean smiled a little. "Stop being hard on yourself. I know this hurts but it's nothing you did, there's nothing wrong with you. Gabe loves you, just as family though. Okay?"

Sam sighed. "Okay... Do... do you think he'll still want to be my friend? He's my best friend you know."

"Yeah I know. And of course he will. You go and talk to him when you've calmed down a little. You'll see."

Sam nodded glumly and Dean hugged him tight again. It seemed they were both in need of some serious TLC during the weekend. Dean decided then and there that they would have a Winchester Weekend. Just the two of them and maybe go to see Bobby so Dean could come out to him before anybody could start spreading bad rumours about him that Bobby had to hear.

Sam seemed to like the idea and they started that night with a bad horror marathon and lots of ice cream.

The plan seemed like a perfect idea until they heard the sound of a car in the drive on Saturday morning as Dean cooked breakfast. They both froze, listening to the sound of someone walking up to the porch and then across the wood. Dean's heart began racing and his palms began swearing as he heard a key in the door and it swing open.

"Boys?" John called. "Are you in here?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Coming up: Dean comes out to John and the aftermath; also who does everyone think Dean is dating?


End file.
